Song for the day

And I would do anything for love
I'd run right into hell and back
I would do anything for love
I'd never lie to you and that's a fact
But I'll never forget the way you feel right now,
Oh no, no way
And I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that

Anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that

Some days it don't come easy
Some days it don't come hard
Some days it don't come at all, and these are the days that never end
Some nights you're breathing fire
Some nights you're carved in ice
Some nights you're like nothing I've ever seen before or will again

Maybe I'm crazy, but it's crazy and it's true
I know you can save me, no-one else can save me now but you

As long as the planets are turning
As long as the stars are burning
As long dreams are coming true
You'd better believe it, that I would do

Anything for love
And I'l be there until the final act
I would do anything for love, and I'll take a vow and seal a pact
But I'll never forgive myself if we don't go all the way, tonight
I would do anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that

I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that

Some days I pray for silence
Some days I pray for soul
Some days I just pray to the god of sex and drums and rock 'n' roll
Some nights I lose the feeling
Some nights I lose control
Some nights I just lose it all when I watch you dance and the thunder rolls

Maybe I'm lonely, that's all I'm qualified to be
That's just one and only, the one and only promise I can keep

As long as the wheels are turning
As long as the fires are burning
As long as your prayers are coming true
You'd better believe it, that I would do

Anything for love
And you know it's true and that's a fact
I would do anything for love, and there'll never be no turning back
But I'll never do it better than I do it with you. So long, so long
I would do anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that
No, no, no, I won't do...

I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do...

But I'll never stop dreaming of you ev'ry night of my life, no way
I would do anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that

Will you raise me up? will you help me down?
Will you get me right out of this godforsaken town?
Will you make it all a little less cold?

I can do that
I can do that

Will you hold me sacred? Will you hold me tight?
Can you colourise my life, I'm so sick of black and white?
Can you make it all a little less old?

I can do that
Oh no, I can do that

Will you make me some magic with your own two hands?
Will you build and emerald city with these grains of sand?
Can you give me something I can take home?

I can do that
I can do that

Will you cater to every fantasy I got?
Will you hose me down with holy water, if I get too hot?
Will you take me places I've never known?

I can do that
Oh no, I can do that

After a while you'll forget everything
It was a brief interlude and a midsummer night's fling
And you'll see that it's time to move on

I won't do that
I won't do that

I know the territory, I've been around
It'll all turn to dust and we'll all fall down
Sooner or later you'll be screwing around

I won't do that
No, I won't do that

Anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that

One Hundred Thousand Miles

Tonight, the car hit 100,000 miles. For my metric friends, I believe this converts to either 2.754 million kilometers, or 12 hectares.

Not bad for a ten-and-a-half year old car.

I was ready for it. Had the camera with me when I went out to dinner tonight.

Stopped at one of the local malls after getting a bite to eat to wander around, visit with a friend that works at one of the local stores (thankfully, it wasn't busy so we could chat for a few minutes), and then got back in the car to go for a tea and a stop at Barnes and Noble.

Headed out of the parking lot, it happened.

I even used the camera to record a video. Mind you, it's not the best quality, but what do you expect when I'm driving with my left hand and holding the camera with my right, while watching the road...

Still, I think it was pretty good. See for yourself (and this is the first time I've used YouTube, so be gentle):

Unknown Caller

It's most annoying.

Someone's been calling the house for the past few days, and the caller ID says it's "Unknown Caller".

I was home for one of those calls. Answered the phone, but no one spoke.

I must admit, I love the sounds of silence as much as the next person, but really, if you're gonna call me, say something.

If you're the person who's been calling me and not saying a thing, at least leave a message if I'm not here, willya?

I'm sure you'll find me a most delightful person to have a conversation with.

Just don't call right now, please. I'm watching my new Andre Rieu DVD, New York Memories. The music is turned up and I won't be able to hear you.

Walkabout

It's just about 30 degrees outside. For our metric-speaking friends, that means it's below freezing. There's a light snow falling. The streets are clear, as are most of the sidewalks. It's not sticking...yet...but odds are, by quitting time, it'll start to cling and make the drive home a nightmare.

And I just got back in the office from a nice, long walk.

Odds are, at least one of you (I'd wager my High Priestess, most likely) is shaking your head and wondering how to contact the local mental institution. No worries about that...I know where it is, and yes, it's in walking distance from here.

I didn't need to go out for a walk. There was nothing I needed. Granted, I did have some bills I had to drop in the mail, but we have a mail pickup here in the building. I already had my lunch: One of those frozen entrees, some pudding, and a nice drink of water, so I didn't need to go out for food. I'm not the most health-conscience creature on this planet (please, restrain yourselves, I know that must come as a shock), so it wasn't for the exercise.

Why then did I go for a walk?

Because.

There's something beautiful and magical about walking when it's snowing outside. I feel a certain inner peace, a tranquility that is so rare. I loaded up my little MP3 player (an older model, discontinued, but still one of the best I've ever used) with some tunes, bundled up and went out the door.

Walked about a mile, I figure. I really should consider investing in one of those little pedometers, in only because they're cool gadgets, and I am a gadget geek. It really wasn't that cold out: I didn't need gloves, my face wasn't cold or flustered, and there was no wind to speak of. Great walking conditions, actually.

I've found a certain...peace...over the years from walking. Just me and the pavement under my feet can be very relaxing, giving me a chance to either think about problems or just not think at all. It's rare for my mind to actually stop thinking, and yes, I'm aware there's medication for that, but I have a serious problem with drugs. I've seen the meds they've given My Kid over the years...I think I'll pass, thank you very much.

For about a half-hour, it was just me and the likes of Johnny Cash, Joe Walsh, Queen, Norah Jones, and Alanis Morissette. Every once in awhile, there'd be a slight breeze and snow'd blow in my face, but that wasn't a problem. Brushing away snowflakes is much more favourable than wiping away tears.

It gave me the chance to think, to reflect, to come to a resolution to recent events. I think I understand now what happened, but honestly, I'll never know for sure. Still, I'll be happy with my take on it, and I can move on. After all, that's what we do in life, isn't it? Take one step at a time, one day at a time, and see where the road will lead us?

I know I'll be walking that path, enjoying the moment while wondering what lies ahead.

Maybe I should've stayed home instead...

Saturday. It's usually the quiet day of the week, spent around the house sleeping in, cleaning up, doing laundry, and whatever else needs to be done because there isn't enough time during the week.

Today, however, I decided to treat myself to a nice evening out. Dinner, bookstore, coffee shop...that's what passes for excitement for me.

So I head out, across the river to the Waterworks at La Cappella (one of my favourite little Italian restaurants around here) to start my night out.

Across the bridge, it's a quick hop over route 28 and I'm ready...wait...why isn't this idiot not stopping...

A quick slam on the breaks and lay on the horn.
Some jackass pulls out, right in front of me.

I stop before I hit him, but the guy driving the Jeep behind me (who thankfully wasn't going fast), couldn't stop before he tapped my bumper.

We both pull over. Neither one of us took any damage, we were both all right, and we both agreed that guy was a jackass for pulling out like that.

That was step one.

Get to the restaurant with no further problems, go inside and get a seat. It's always interesting being the only person in the place eating alone, but it gives me a chance to watch the world around me.

Of course, ten minutes past before the waitress shows up to take my order, but once again, it's all good. I can look out the window and see the world pass by.

She brings the soup. Wedding soup. I love wedding soup, but this is more broth than soup, and the broth doesn't taste all that good. Sigh...

That was step two.

I finish dinner, which was really good, all things considered. Baked three cheese farfalle pasta with sausage. Tasty.

Finish dinner and go to stage two: The evening at the coffee shop. Order myself some chai tea from Caribou Coffee, who has the best chai out there, and am ready to sit back and enjoy the rest of the night...

...until I see my horoscope for today.

It says to "take the morning to do what you need to do because your home may be the center of entertaining tonight".

...

Screw step three. I came back home and decided to call it an early evening. I've already tempted fate. I ain't takin' any more chances.

WYSIWYG

Odds are, since you're reading this on a computer, you're familiar with the term "WYSIWYG".

What You See Is What You Get.

It just means that, what you see when you type on the screen when you're writing a document, or making a web page, is what will appear when you're ready to publish or print. I did a quick check of the Wikipedia, and they say there that it became popular on the Flip Wilson show. I remember that show, but I don't remember Geraldine saying "WYSIWYG".

I like to think I'm also WYSIWYG. I'm a fairly straightfoward person. Sure, we all have our hidden secrets and demons in our respective closets, but I have no hidden agendas or plans to take over the world. Considered taking over the world once, but realized it'd be a bitch to manage, and honestly, I've better things to do with my time. Oh, I suppose I'd have my choice of places to manage it from, but with so many people complaining all the time, it just wouldn't be worth it.

I don't want much. I don't need much. There are some things I'd like to have, but I'm also realistic enough to know I'll never have them. I've had dreams. I've had desires, ranging from carnal to the technological and various points in-between. I've had love and lost it, been loved and not wanted it, and realized some things just aren't meant to be.

I make mistakes. I'm only human, so sometimes, I'm blind to them. I like to think I learn from them, but realistically, I don't always succeed in doing so. It gets very frustrating when the people I care for, and supposedly care for me in return, won't talk to me and tell me about the mistakes I've made. It's very frustrating when I can't talk about things, when I get closed out. I don't get angry, I get frustrated, which is far, far worse in the grand scheme of things. Frustration can stop me in my track, rendering me, for the most part, impotent and depressed and then, I just don't give a damn about anything.

Sometimes, I'm blind to the fact that not everyone else in the world is WYSIWYG. I can see both sides to most arguments, but I have trouble accepting, at times, that not everyone is straightforward and upfront. Some folks choose to be...some folks can't help it, closing themselves off to the world because they are afraid of being hurt or just don't know what to say.

If you have a question of me, ask it, and I'll answer. If you need something from me, tell me, and I'll move Heaven and Earth to get it. It's when I get cut out, closed off, shut out...

What You See Is What You Get. That's me. That's all I have to offer. Sometimes, though, I guess that's just not good enough.

Sammiches

This is a pastrami and cheese sammich. Specifically, it's a Primanti Bros' pastrami and cheese sammich. Yes, that's coleslaw and french fries on the sammich.

I'm sharing this for the folks who've never had a Primanti Bros' sammich, so they can see what they're missing.

I'm also sharing this with those who have had their sammiches, but aren't in Pittsburgh to savor their goodness.

And, also, because I'm just evil!

Exhausted

Man, I talk a lot over here, don't I?

I spent the whole day taking down the Christmas decorations and putting the normal stuff back up. Some stuff didn't get back, tho...a couple magnets, some pictures, a snow globe...a few little things.

The house seems emptier now. That happens after the tree and stuff comes down. It's all good, tho. Can't leave the tree up all the time, after all. It wouldn't be the same if it were up all year 'round.

But it took me almost 10 hours to do. Damn, I am tired now...

Last night...talking 'bout last night...

For those who don't know, the title of this installment is a line from a song by the Traveling Wilburys. For some reason, it's stuck in my brain this morning. Too bad the CD's out of print, and I sold off my copy years ago. There was some good music on there...

---(*)---

Here's a bit of free advice, a life-lesson, as it were, to anyone who might be listening.

If you're not used to having dinner late at night, right before you go to bed, don't eat something big and heavy.

I didn't get home until late, and I didn't have dinner until about 9:30, and then went to bed about an hour and a half later.

That pasta is still not lying well. Of course, not having lunch during the day didn't help matters...

---(*)---

So, you ask, why did you eat so late? Well, I took a ride out to see The Kid last night.

She's doing a bit better these days, but there are some new issues we're dealing with.

She's jumpy. Every little sound, every door that closes, every phone than rings, she hears and she has to respond to. They moved her room earlier this week because she heard the (albeit heavy) kitchen door slam shut, and she'd jump and become nervous. Since they've got a fair amount of people in there, it opens and closes a lot.

They moved her around the corner, to another room, but now there's a phone right outside her door. Whenever it rings, she's always saying "will someone answer that phone!"...and not always quietly, if you know what I mean.

When we talked the other night, she said she had some things to tell me, but couldn't. I asked her if there was anyone listening, and she said no, so I asked her to tell me just one thing.

She asked when she was coming home. First time she'd done that since this started five months ago, but we already talked about that.

Last night, I went out to talk to her, to see if she was going to ask again, or if there was something else on her mind. She didn't tell me, but when my brother called, she asked him why she was in the hospital when she didn't feel sick. He called me later and said he'd told her that she was having problems walking and couldn't feel her feet (although she swore she could), and said that she was somewhere where they could help her.

On one hand, this is a good thing, I guess. She's not fully aware (at least, that's what she tells us) that she's in a nursing home. It makes things difficult because we can't explain things logically to her, to try and get her to understand what's going on. I have to choose my words carefully, as if trying to explain nuclear physics (something about which I have no clue) to a four-year old. Or maybe like trying to hold onto Jell-O.

Actually, the Jell-O might be easier to hold onto.

It's frustrating on our part (and believe-you-me, if there's one thing I understand, it's frustration) trying to deal with this. The people that work there, especially a good friend of mine who's there, help out, so we're really not alone in this. Still, as some of you know, it's not easy trying to fathom something like this.

All I can do is focus on the fact that she's someplace where they can take care of her.
I'll deal with the questions whenever they appear.

And now for something completely different

For a change, I'm going to post a positive blog. I know this will be a shock for many of you. Please forgive me. We'll go back to depressing posts soon enough.

I think I've found my reason for living. I think I've found what will be, perhaps, the coolest thing I will ever see and something that, when it comes out, I will...nay...I must buy!

This won't make my life complete, but it'll damn sure make it sound good.

Pardon me while I clean up the drool.

I've had a Radio Shark for awhile, and there's nothing cooler than turning my expensive PC into a basic radio. Actually, it's more than just a receiver: It's like a TiVO for radio.

I've complained (shocker, I know) about the sad state of terrestrial radio in the past, the lack of choices, and the "clear" monopoly that's placed radio in a stranglehold. Satellite radio offers more choices, yeah, but through a subscription service.

HD Radio does offer a choice, through "sub-channels", as it were, of different formats and choices, but the receivers are still expensive. I'm waiting to see when this comes out...it'll not only (hopefully) be a less-expensive option, but to let me record radio? Sweet.

Heaven in a USB port. I love it!

Five months

It was five months ago today that The Kid went into the hospital.
Tonight was the first time she asked if she could come home.

It was a question I'd been waiting for and dreading at the same time. How do I explain it to her that this isn't her home anymore, that where she is now is her home?

I told her that, "you know, you haven't walked in a really long time and there's no way you could make it around the house, up the stairs, and they're gonna take really good care of you out there".

One of the hardest things I've ever had to say.

I know the subject will come up again. I know I'll have to tell her again and it'll be easier.

Tonight, tho...

I'll be fine. No worries about me.

Five months to the day.

The fun just never stops.

I once theorized that the new year can be summed up within its first 45 days.
If, after the first 45 days are done, and things don't look so good, you can pretty much write the year off, go back to bed, and stay there until the next year.

As it stands right now, I'm getting ready to go back to bed.

I've gotta take the car into the shop because (I hope) one of the muffler brackets is either broken or missing. The car makes a wonderful noise whenever I stop now...sounds like an elephant farting, if you ask me.

I called them earlier to see if they have any openings, but got no answer, so I'm just driving out there. Might sit there all day, but I've got nothing better to do.

Sigh...

Oh, and is it any wonder that the 45th day of the year is the ever-hated Valentine's Day? The Universe has a sense of humor, I've found...

Update: It was just the strap. Granted, that was an unexpected bill, but it wasn't a big one, thankfully. Sigh redux.

Random thoughts from a nonlinear mind

Tuesday night.
10:25PM.

Sitting on the couch with the laptop.
Playin' some music.
TV's on, but I'm not that interested in watching it.

Eva Cassidy's singing "It doesn't matter anymore" as I start this blog about, basically, nothing.

I just feel like typing.

I've been on vacation since the 22nd of December, and it feels great. I'm not gonna wanna go back to work come January 8th, I can tell that now. 5:30 in the morning is going to come very, very early that day. I'll have to fight the urge that I've developed to roll over in my big, new and extremely comfy bed to roll over and go back to sleep.

Unless, that is, I hit the Powerball, but that's not likely to happen, since I won't play it anymore.

There's a joke along those lines...

Every day, Marvin would get up and pray, "Dear God, let me hit the lottery", and every day, Marvin wouldn't hit the lottery.
Day in and day out, Marvin would pray, "Dear God, let me hit the lottery", but once again, Marvin wouldn't win.
Finally, one day, Marvin says, "Dear God, let me hit the lottery". The skies parted and God said back to him "Marvin, at least meet me halfway and buy a lottery ticket".

I still think that's a funny joke.

Song's switched to Jackson Browne's Here Comes Those Tears Again.

I do love that song.

The Christmas tree's still up. I'll probably leave the stuff up for another weekend at least. I rather like how it lights up the room. It gives the living room a great, soft glow, even if it does screw with the thermostat, making the room think it's warmer than it really is (the tree's about three to four feet from the sensor...throws off the readings...but since I'm a single guy, it doesn't bother me that much. I'll just throw on a sweater).

Norah Jones is asking me What am I to you right now. A fair question, don't you think?

Sure, I type fast, but I also pause every once in awhile to catch my thoughts, or scratch something, much like I just scratched a bite on the side of my head.

Oh, well. I'll just go back to flipping around on the TV and listening to some more music. Not much more to say, really. I'm just waiting, that's all...waiting and wondering. More of a holding pattern, I'd guess, but that's all right. I'll wait. I think the wait's worth it.

Gives me a chance to breathe.