Details.

It's rare for me to discuss my DeviantArt page here, but I just created a new "avatar", and wanted to show you the details you're likely to miss in a 50x50 icon.




I rather like it, so I just felt like sharing.

blather blather blather

I know it's been awhile since I've written anything of any importance. It's not that I haven't had things to say...it's more that I've not been able to find the way to say them.

Feelings, dreams...more like nightmares...and their ilk. How does one express them in words when the words just don't make sense to the writer?

This week will be a little weird for me. I'll apologize in advance if I seem more out of it than usual.

It's well known that I don't like my birthday. It's gonna be even more difficult this year.

Sigh.

I'll write more when I can find the words. Promise.

For now...I'll talk to ya later.

For lack of a better word...

Since I had nothing better to say, I figured I'd just post a picture.
Hope you folks don't mind.

Took this at work. I had a minute.
Just playin' with my camera...

Just talkin'...

Yeah, I know. It's been awhile since I've posted anything.

I've been better, but I'm hanging in there. How about you?

That's interesting. I didn't know they could do that with a grapefruit and an monkey.

Me? Oh, I just stopped in my office to check my mail. Yeah, I've no DSL at home. Since I've been switching everything over to my name, there've been a couple...bumps...in the road.

Have I mentioned how much I hate that phone company that starts with a "V"?

I don't wanna put that in print. Slander, liable, and the whatnot. Although I don't think it matters, really. They've probably heard all the bad things I've said about them to the tech guys with my ISP, so they've got it recorded there. Funny thing is, most of the tech guys agree with me, so it's nice to know I'm not alone.

How's Mum, you ask? It's different every time I go see her. Some days I'll find a quiet, crying, somber woman who spends most of the time sleeping. Then there's nights when I'll find some manic person in my mother's skin who keeps screaming for WATER!

It makes life that much more interesting, lemme tell you.

I know we talked about this before, but it's just a shame that people can't grow old gracefully, with a certain dignity. Sure, some of them can, and have, but then there's the others...society's left them behind because they can't keep up with whatever the catchphrase of the day is. We shun our elderly. We put them away and forget about them. We're so obsessed with youth and staying young that we don't remember...this will catch up with us too, someday.

Yes, I know, I'm looking for a home for her and I understand the irony of my previous statement. There's a difference. I was there for her until I realized I needed help. I'd still be there with her, she'd still be home, y'know, if I thought I could do it. But, and I hate myself sometimes for admitting this, because it seems like a form of...weakness...I guess...but I couldn't do it anymore. I tried. God knows I tried.

You don't have to tell me I needn't feel that way. Most of the time, I don't. It's just that little voice pops into the back of my head...you know the one...that little bit of insecurity we all have...he tells me that I should have done more, I should have been stronger, I gave up too easily.

I mentally slap him upside the head, call Mum, have her scream WATER in my ear five or six times and that shuts him up. I KNOW I did all I could. It's wasn't a sign of weakness. It was a sign of strength and maturity and I did the right thing.

When this is all over, when she's somewhere settled in where professionals can watch her 24/7, then I'm taking a vacation. I don't think the universe will begrudge me that, do you?

Yeah, right. It will. I'll pay for it later...but I'll take the vacation anyway.

Hey, it was great talking to you again. Wanna go to lunch sometime? Cool! You know how to reach me...drop me a line. I'm gonna swing by Starbucks right now, get something to drink, and then head home. Back to work tomorrow, and all that.

Good seeing you again. Don't be such a stranger. Stay in touch.

And take care of yourself.
I mean that.

C-ya.

The Ledger

Memories, pressed between the pages of my mind...

I can remember, growing up, watching my mother whenever she went to pay the bills. She had this black ledger she always kept track of everything...and I mean everything...in. Bills. Important dates. Events. You name it, it was in that ledger.

Seems as long as she was running the house (and we're talking a long time here, folks) she'd been keeping track of the bills in those ledgers. There'd been many over the years...seems she could keep roughly a decade's worth of history in each one.

Over the past couple weeks, I've had to go through some of her old papers, old bills, looking for records. It's amazing, the things she's kept over the years. I've found bills from 1960...46 years old...stored in her room.

And some of those ledgers that I've looked through...some of the things she's recorded over the years...amazing. She's got an entry from 1962 for $2 from lunch she had at Eat 'N Park one day. To you and I, these things, might seem trivial. To her, it was noteworthy, not only because it was a lunch out, but because it was money spent from the coffers that needed to be recorded.

A few months ago, because of failing eyesight, she had me start recording the bills in the ledger. She'd still write notes for special events that might've happened...a baseball game we went to, Mother's Day gifts, things like that.

Rather ironic...and rather fittingly...I've started entering the bills in the last page of this ledger.

She started this current book in Septemer, 1996. I took a look through it tonight, remembering things I'd forgotten and some I only wish I could forget. A vacation here. A concert there. Two Towers that fell. Births, deaths and everything in between.

She'd recorded them all.

Now it's my turn.

It's my turn to keep track of things.
It's my turn to note the bills.
It's my turn to record history.

Yesterday, when I went shopping, I picked up the next ledger, the next book to record the monthly bills and important events. The next in a chain that stretches across five decades at the very least. For as much of a geek that I may be, for as much as I love my electronics and computers and all the gadgets I can get my hands on, the bills will be kept in those ledgers.

It's just the right thing to do.

Labor Day Weekend

I'm taking a four-day weekend.

Mind you, that doesn't mean I'm relaxing, per se.

Friday was trips to a nursing home, a funeral home, a human resources department and a credit union.
Saturday was spent cleaning the house and helping a buddy try to get a laptop working on his wireless network (which has locked him out, for some reason).
Sunday (today) will be spent grocery shopping, paying bills, making some sense of paperwork spread across the dining room table and maybe catching a quick nap while the baseball game is on television.
And every day, of course, has included visits to see The Kid.

So what about tomorrow? What should I do on my Day Off? What should Labor Day hold for me?

I've thought about taking in a movie. Clerks 2 looks interesting, but I might just wait for that to come on DVD.
The Pirates are out of town, so a ballgame is out of the question. (Security frowns on people going into the ballpark when there's no game playing.)
I went to Kennywood (big amusement park in the area) last week to blow off some steam, so that's done.
I'd thought about taking a long drive, but the state police will likely be out in force and the last thing I want is to get a present from them.

Odds are, I'll stay up late tonight, sleep in tomorrow and blow the day off surfin' the web. Or I might go to the mall where they'll be holding the local portion of the Jerry Lewis telethon and watch for a bit.

I've slept in the last three days. The weather has been so nice and comfortable...perfect sleeping weather. I didn't get up yesterday until 9:30.

Tuesday morning is gonna be SOOO hard when 6 in the morning rolls around.

Okay, I'm done rambling.