My love. She is so beautiful.
I am so thankful for her. Her love, I know, keeps me going and keeps me sane.
That's all. I just wanted to show off this nice picture of her, and say "I love you, Julie".
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Short and sweet
My love. She is so beautiful.
I am so thankful for her. Her love, I know, keeps me going and keeps me sane.
That's all. I just wanted to show off this nice picture of her, and say "I love you, Julie".
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
An update
It's been awhile since I've talked about My Kid. Figure an update is in order.
Two weeks ago, I got a call from the hospital, wanting some information. I told Julie that it might have to do with the new year, and they're just wanting to make sure her insurance is still up-to-date.
If only it were that.
When I called, they told me they had my brother on the other line, and they were getting what they needed from him. Strange, but I just said "okay", told them if they needed anything else to give me a call and let me know, and left it at that. After all, the nursing home didn't call me to say something's wrong, so I figured everything was all right.
My oldest brother called me later that night and gave me the news: Mum was back in the hospital with another UTI, and a mild case of pneumonia. They had called him to let him know The Kid was out there, she was on antibiotics, the same as usual. She's been through this so many times before, we all know the routine quite well.
They also let him know that the pneumonia was likely due to her aspirating again. See, when she gets the Urinary Tract Infections, she becomes very listless, and moving her around is like trying to move an elephant seal with a spoon; it ain't very easy.
Because she has trouble eating to begin with, they figure she got food into her lungs (they've cleaned out considerable gunk from them, from what I've gathered) and they don't want to feed her because it'll just make matters worse.
She was in the hospital for about a week, getting antibiotics and treatments before they returned her back to the home. Once she got back there...she was still having trouble eating.
She aspirated again.
This has happened before (as long-time readers of this blog well know), and My Kid has been good at bouncing back, usually within a day or so of returning to the home. She didn't, and the speech therapist (a wonderful and patient woman by the name of Kelly) told me that the hospital didn't send along records or anything of the work they did on her there. No information saying some days she could eat with no problem, some days, she couldn't.
The feeding tube option was brought up again. This time, my brothers (who've taken a more proactive role in her well being, since I moved out of state) and I talked via conference call as to what to do. They knew I was against the peg tube - only because that was The Kid's wishes: She didn't want any life-sustaining device.
Since she's not comatose, we decided, this didn't apply. She was weak from hunger (she hadn't eaten anything in nearly a week by this point) and she likely didn't have the strength to want to eat anything. If she got a peg tube, she should be able to regain enough strength to be able to hopefully eat normally again.
I suggested we wait 24 hours. Past experience showed that she usually needed a day to "readjust" to being back in the home after leaving the hospital (and vice versa), so we'd wait and see how she did for dinner that night and breakfast that morning.
I called Kelly back at the nursing home Friday of last week after breakfast to see how she was, and she told me there was no change. She was still choking because, frankly, Mum has forgotten how to swallow and has no strength to even try.
A couple phone calls, a quick discussion with my brothers, and I made the call. We authorized a feeding tube to be inserted in her.
Her doctor at the home couldn't get the surgeon he usually recommends until Tuesday, so she went the whole weekend without food.
As of yesterday afternoon, they inserted the tube in her stomach. By 10 last night, they started giving her nutrients, water and medication through the peg tube. They're hopeful...as am I...that her strength will return, she'll be able to eat again by mouth, and maybe this will help with other problems she has as well. Her skin is very thin...she bruises really easily...and maybe this will help with that.
Julie keeps asking me if I'm all right with this. With being here and my brothers being there, and taking care of things.
For the most part, I am. I knew a moment like this would occur when I made the decision to move and I don't regret that decision for one second, nor would I do things differently. I want to be with Julie, near her, and live this life.
Still, there's a nagging little voice in the back of my head that wonders...if I was there, would she have recovered quicker? Would this be necessary? Would my presence have made a difference, or is that just ego talking? Is this the inevitable end approaching, and my being there or no...would it make a damn bit of difference?
Silent questions I have no...and will never have...answers for.
All I can do is sit back right now and wait. Make phone calls. Let my brothers handle things. (My oldest brother was at the hospital with her yesterday for the surgery...something I've always been the one to do.)
Deep down I also realize that...because I was in control of The Kid's life for so very long, it's not easy just sitting back and doing, basically, nothing. That's the problem and illusion with control. You feel you need to take charge and handle everything and do it all yourself. When changes come, and you're not the one in control anymore, letting go is incredibly hard.
Accepting this is not easy, but it's something I'm learning to do. It's just another difficult lesson, one of so many I've had to learn.
...
She's getting food now, from the tube. When I know more, I'll share.
Two weeks ago, I got a call from the hospital, wanting some information. I told Julie that it might have to do with the new year, and they're just wanting to make sure her insurance is still up-to-date.
If only it were that.
When I called, they told me they had my brother on the other line, and they were getting what they needed from him. Strange, but I just said "okay", told them if they needed anything else to give me a call and let me know, and left it at that. After all, the nursing home didn't call me to say something's wrong, so I figured everything was all right.
My oldest brother called me later that night and gave me the news: Mum was back in the hospital with another UTI, and a mild case of pneumonia. They had called him to let him know The Kid was out there, she was on antibiotics, the same as usual. She's been through this so many times before, we all know the routine quite well.
They also let him know that the pneumonia was likely due to her aspirating again. See, when she gets the Urinary Tract Infections, she becomes very listless, and moving her around is like trying to move an elephant seal with a spoon; it ain't very easy.
Because she has trouble eating to begin with, they figure she got food into her lungs (they've cleaned out considerable gunk from them, from what I've gathered) and they don't want to feed her because it'll just make matters worse.
She was in the hospital for about a week, getting antibiotics and treatments before they returned her back to the home. Once she got back there...she was still having trouble eating.
She aspirated again.
This has happened before (as long-time readers of this blog well know), and My Kid has been good at bouncing back, usually within a day or so of returning to the home. She didn't, and the speech therapist (a wonderful and patient woman by the name of Kelly) told me that the hospital didn't send along records or anything of the work they did on her there. No information saying some days she could eat with no problem, some days, she couldn't.
The feeding tube option was brought up again. This time, my brothers (who've taken a more proactive role in her well being, since I moved out of state) and I talked via conference call as to what to do. They knew I was against the peg tube - only because that was The Kid's wishes: She didn't want any life-sustaining device.
Since she's not comatose, we decided, this didn't apply. She was weak from hunger (she hadn't eaten anything in nearly a week by this point) and she likely didn't have the strength to want to eat anything. If she got a peg tube, she should be able to regain enough strength to be able to hopefully eat normally again.
I suggested we wait 24 hours. Past experience showed that she usually needed a day to "readjust" to being back in the home after leaving the hospital (and vice versa), so we'd wait and see how she did for dinner that night and breakfast that morning.
I called Kelly back at the nursing home Friday of last week after breakfast to see how she was, and she told me there was no change. She was still choking because, frankly, Mum has forgotten how to swallow and has no strength to even try.
A couple phone calls, a quick discussion with my brothers, and I made the call. We authorized a feeding tube to be inserted in her.
Her doctor at the home couldn't get the surgeon he usually recommends until Tuesday, so she went the whole weekend without food.
As of yesterday afternoon, they inserted the tube in her stomach. By 10 last night, they started giving her nutrients, water and medication through the peg tube. They're hopeful...as am I...that her strength will return, she'll be able to eat again by mouth, and maybe this will help with other problems she has as well. Her skin is very thin...she bruises really easily...and maybe this will help with that.
Julie keeps asking me if I'm all right with this. With being here and my brothers being there, and taking care of things.
For the most part, I am. I knew a moment like this would occur when I made the decision to move and I don't regret that decision for one second, nor would I do things differently. I want to be with Julie, near her, and live this life.
Still, there's a nagging little voice in the back of my head that wonders...if I was there, would she have recovered quicker? Would this be necessary? Would my presence have made a difference, or is that just ego talking? Is this the inevitable end approaching, and my being there or no...would it make a damn bit of difference?
Silent questions I have no...and will never have...answers for.
All I can do is sit back right now and wait. Make phone calls. Let my brothers handle things. (My oldest brother was at the hospital with her yesterday for the surgery...something I've always been the one to do.)
Deep down I also realize that...because I was in control of The Kid's life for so very long, it's not easy just sitting back and doing, basically, nothing. That's the problem and illusion with control. You feel you need to take charge and handle everything and do it all yourself. When changes come, and you're not the one in control anymore, letting go is incredibly hard.
Accepting this is not easy, but it's something I'm learning to do. It's just another difficult lesson, one of so many I've had to learn.
...
She's getting food now, from the tube. When I know more, I'll share.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
The influence of music on a life: My top ten records.
There's been a meme that's been floating around Facebook the past few days about the ten most influential records in your life. Denise and Rene did it, and both of them "tagged" me to get my list.
If only it were that simple.
See, for me, it's been hard to find 10 albums. Now 10 songs, that's MUCH easier. I rarely buy whole albums, preferring to stick with "greatest hits" compilations. That way, I get the songs I like and not the "filler", although I know most artists wouldn't consider songs they've created "filler".
If it's someone I like, someone whose "greatest hits" really touched me, then I'd go out and start finding albums, collecting their works. For the most part, however, I'm more about the song and less about the collection.
That's why some of the "albums" on this list were bought for one specific song. Others are greatest hits collections. Still, these are the tunes that influenced me, one way or another.
Here's my list:
Johnny Horton: The Spectacular Johnny Horton
Johnny Horton made this list less about the album, but more about the first song: Battle of New Orleans.
There was something about this song that I loved. I have memories of me, barely 5 or 6 years old, playing this song over and over and over again. I swear, I'd play that one track 20 times before my mother would tell me to play something else. To this day, if I hear that song (which doesn't have too often), I still smile.
Bill Cosby: Revenge
Johnny Horton's album got overplayed for just one song. Bill Cosby's Revenge was worn out from playing the whole thing over and over and over. I would listen and laugh every time I heard it. It's likely this album is to blame for my love of comedy and spoken word recordings. It came out on CD a few years back, and believe me, I bought it the first day of release.
When I was cleaning out my house back in Pittsburgh, I found the original LP again, thought lost for the past 30 years. It was one of the happiest moments I had during a bittersweet "purging". When I finally get my turntable (and I will, mark my words), this record will be played, bumps, hisses and all...and loved.
Glenn Miller: The Unforgettable Glenn Miller and His Orchestra.
This was the first CD I ever purchased. Yeah, I'm sure that just shocked the crap out of you. The middle of the 80's, the so-called "second wave" of rock, and the first thing I'd grab is something that was popular 40 years before?
If you know me, that should make perfect sense.
I love big band music, and Glenn Miller in particular. (To this day, I list The Glenn Miller Story, starring Jimmy Stewart, as one of my favourite films). There's something so gentle, so romantic and beautiful, about the first few strands of Moonlight Serenade that when I hear it, I can't help but smile.
And yes, I still own this CD.
Andre Rieu: Live in Dublin
This was the first record of Andre Rieu's that I bought, the one that introduced me to his style, and rekindled my love for Strauss waltzes. Once again, bittersweet memories are tied into this record, since it was also one My Kid loves. Listening to it reminds me of good times...and makes me want to dance.
Earl Klugh: The Best of Earl Klugh, Vol. 2
Once again, this is all about one song: Goodtime Charlie's Got the Blues. My favourite song, ever. It centers me. It calms and relaxes me. I will listen to it whenever things get to be too much, and whatever problems I have, fade away. Such is the power of Earl Klugh's guitar.
Billy Joel: An Innocent Man
I know it's not one of his "classic" albums, like Glass Houses or The Stranger (both of which I love), but the songs on this, I just loved. I had this on an LP, until my mother broke it in half in a fit of anger. It was my fault, though: I had failed a couple classes and hid the report card from her. C'est la vie...
Jimmy Buffett: Songs You Know By Heart
I think it's safe to say everyone's heard of Jimmy Buffett's song "Margaritaville". I knew it, but it wasn't until I heard this album that I began to understand the depth of his talent and musical genius. I became a Parrothead that day, and I haven't looked back. Ask Julie, she'll tell you. I usually have Radio Margaritaville on the radio all the time.
Warren Zevon: Genius
I blame Shauna for my love of Zevon. Sure, I'd heard Werewolves of London before, and liked it, but it wasn't until she introduced me to songs like Hasten Down the Wind, Carmelita and Lawyers, Guns and Money that I really understood. His music helped me through some...rough times in my life. The interesting thing, to me at least, was that his music, while sometimes dark and morose, were actually love songs. Guess there is beauty in everything, if you're willing to look for it.
Francis Albert Sinatra: Frank Sinatra's Greatest Hits, Vol. II
Once again, I bought this album for just one song. Even in this day and age of digital downloads, iTunes and their crappy compressed media, I would buy this whole album (on CD) for just one song.
Cycles.
I forget when I first heard it, but as soon as I heard it, it stuck with me. The story of a man who's down on his luck but somehow manages to stay upbeat because he knows things happen in cycles: First there's laughter, then those tears.
Yes, the record does have My Way, one of Frank's defining themes (and the song I've long said I wanted played at my funeral), but Cycles was the reason why I bought that record, and it still makes me smile...and always will.
Jackson Browne: The Pretender
Last but certainly not least is this offering from Jackson Browne. There are so many great tunes of his on there (Your Bright Baby Blues, Linda Paloma and Here Comes Those Tears Again), but most importantly is the last track, the title track, The Pretender.
When I first heard it, I knew that was my theme song. Even though I was a kid, still growing up, I knew he was singing about me. There are times I feel like a pretender...someone who has no idea what the Hell he's doing...making it up as I go along.
These are the albums that speak out to me, that have meant something to me. They're part of who I am, part of my soul.
If only it were that simple.
See, for me, it's been hard to find 10 albums. Now 10 songs, that's MUCH easier. I rarely buy whole albums, preferring to stick with "greatest hits" compilations. That way, I get the songs I like and not the "filler", although I know most artists wouldn't consider songs they've created "filler".
If it's someone I like, someone whose "greatest hits" really touched me, then I'd go out and start finding albums, collecting their works. For the most part, however, I'm more about the song and less about the collection.
That's why some of the "albums" on this list were bought for one specific song. Others are greatest hits collections. Still, these are the tunes that influenced me, one way or another.
Here's my list:
Johnny Horton: The Spectacular Johnny Horton
Johnny Horton made this list less about the album, but more about the first song: Battle of New Orleans.
There was something about this song that I loved. I have memories of me, barely 5 or 6 years old, playing this song over and over and over again. I swear, I'd play that one track 20 times before my mother would tell me to play something else. To this day, if I hear that song (which doesn't have too often), I still smile.
Bill Cosby: Revenge
Johnny Horton's album got overplayed for just one song. Bill Cosby's Revenge was worn out from playing the whole thing over and over and over. I would listen and laugh every time I heard it. It's likely this album is to blame for my love of comedy and spoken word recordings. It came out on CD a few years back, and believe me, I bought it the first day of release.
When I was cleaning out my house back in Pittsburgh, I found the original LP again, thought lost for the past 30 years. It was one of the happiest moments I had during a bittersweet "purging". When I finally get my turntable (and I will, mark my words), this record will be played, bumps, hisses and all...and loved.
Glenn Miller: The Unforgettable Glenn Miller and His Orchestra.
This was the first CD I ever purchased. Yeah, I'm sure that just shocked the crap out of you. The middle of the 80's, the so-called "second wave" of rock, and the first thing I'd grab is something that was popular 40 years before?
If you know me, that should make perfect sense.
I love big band music, and Glenn Miller in particular. (To this day, I list The Glenn Miller Story, starring Jimmy Stewart, as one of my favourite films). There's something so gentle, so romantic and beautiful, about the first few strands of Moonlight Serenade that when I hear it, I can't help but smile.
And yes, I still own this CD.
Andre Rieu: Live in Dublin
This was the first record of Andre Rieu's that I bought, the one that introduced me to his style, and rekindled my love for Strauss waltzes. Once again, bittersweet memories are tied into this record, since it was also one My Kid loves. Listening to it reminds me of good times...and makes me want to dance.
Earl Klugh: The Best of Earl Klugh, Vol. 2
Once again, this is all about one song: Goodtime Charlie's Got the Blues. My favourite song, ever. It centers me. It calms and relaxes me. I will listen to it whenever things get to be too much, and whatever problems I have, fade away. Such is the power of Earl Klugh's guitar.
Billy Joel: An Innocent Man
I know it's not one of his "classic" albums, like Glass Houses or The Stranger (both of which I love), but the songs on this, I just loved. I had this on an LP, until my mother broke it in half in a fit of anger. It was my fault, though: I had failed a couple classes and hid the report card from her. C'est la vie...
Jimmy Buffett: Songs You Know By Heart
I think it's safe to say everyone's heard of Jimmy Buffett's song "Margaritaville". I knew it, but it wasn't until I heard this album that I began to understand the depth of his talent and musical genius. I became a Parrothead that day, and I haven't looked back. Ask Julie, she'll tell you. I usually have Radio Margaritaville on the radio all the time.
Warren Zevon: Genius
I blame Shauna for my love of Zevon. Sure, I'd heard Werewolves of London before, and liked it, but it wasn't until she introduced me to songs like Hasten Down the Wind, Carmelita and Lawyers, Guns and Money that I really understood. His music helped me through some...rough times in my life. The interesting thing, to me at least, was that his music, while sometimes dark and morose, were actually love songs. Guess there is beauty in everything, if you're willing to look for it.
Francis Albert Sinatra: Frank Sinatra's Greatest Hits, Vol. II
Once again, I bought this album for just one song. Even in this day and age of digital downloads, iTunes and their crappy compressed media, I would buy this whole album (on CD) for just one song.
Cycles.
I forget when I first heard it, but as soon as I heard it, it stuck with me. The story of a man who's down on his luck but somehow manages to stay upbeat because he knows things happen in cycles: First there's laughter, then those tears.
Yes, the record does have My Way, one of Frank's defining themes (and the song I've long said I wanted played at my funeral), but Cycles was the reason why I bought that record, and it still makes me smile...and always will.
Jackson Browne: The Pretender
Last but certainly not least is this offering from Jackson Browne. There are so many great tunes of his on there (Your Bright Baby Blues, Linda Paloma and Here Comes Those Tears Again), but most importantly is the last track, the title track, The Pretender.
When I first heard it, I knew that was my theme song. Even though I was a kid, still growing up, I knew he was singing about me. There are times I feel like a pretender...someone who has no idea what the Hell he's doing...making it up as I go along.
These are the albums that speak out to me, that have meant something to me. They're part of who I am, part of my soul.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Rumblings from below
Warning! This entry is rather graphic and not for the faint of heart, stomach or constitution.
There was a time I liked to eat.
Actually, that time was just a few days ago.
Nowadays, eating isn't something I've done much of these past few days.
Tuesday night, I couldn't sleep. I laid in bed, half-awake, half-asleep, listening to ping-pong sized bubbles tell me I've been poisoned and I needed to get up to get the medicine I needed to save my sorry ass.
Finally, after ignoring the balls until about 3 in the morning, I got up and got some Pepto...then proceeded to not only void my bowels but also puke, both through the mouth and the nose.
Figuring I got it all out of my system, I went to bed. Woke up around 6 that morning, and puked some more, with enough force to cover the whole sink. Thank goodness my new place has a disposal in the sink and a hose to clean up easier.
Since then, I've had a hard time keeping things in. Thankfully, it's not coming up anymore, but it comes out the bottom a lot.
Last night, I was sitting at the table with Julie, and it sounded like I was ready to explode. My body was making more rumblings than a volcano ready to explode.
I think she was afraid she was going to have to clean up the mess if I did blow up. Thankfully, she didn't have to...I waited until I got home before I exploded.
As I type this, it's dinner time. Julie has made pork chops for dinner, and they taste amazing. I just hope I can hold onto them for a little while...
There was a time I liked to eat.
Actually, that time was just a few days ago.
Nowadays, eating isn't something I've done much of these past few days.
Tuesday night, I couldn't sleep. I laid in bed, half-awake, half-asleep, listening to ping-pong sized bubbles tell me I've been poisoned and I needed to get up to get the medicine I needed to save my sorry ass.
Finally, after ignoring the balls until about 3 in the morning, I got up and got some Pepto...then proceeded to not only void my bowels but also puke, both through the mouth and the nose.
Figuring I got it all out of my system, I went to bed. Woke up around 6 that morning, and puked some more, with enough force to cover the whole sink. Thank goodness my new place has a disposal in the sink and a hose to clean up easier.
Since then, I've had a hard time keeping things in. Thankfully, it's not coming up anymore, but it comes out the bottom a lot.
Last night, I was sitting at the table with Julie, and it sounded like I was ready to explode. My body was making more rumblings than a volcano ready to explode.
I think she was afraid she was going to have to clean up the mess if I did blow up. Thankfully, she didn't have to...I waited until I got home before I exploded.
As I type this, it's dinner time. Julie has made pork chops for dinner, and they taste amazing. I just hope I can hold onto them for a little while...
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Sunday evening musings
For some reason, I'm compelled to tell you, gentle reader, that I'm writing this over at Julie's place, using her laptop. Doesn't matter much...but it makes me think I'm some sort of correspondent reporting from another country or something.
My love is sitting across from me, picking at tags. She bought a Chinese Take-Out style carton filled with little word tags the other day, and she's going through it, looking for words for some reason or another.
We'd been frequenting hobby stores the past few weeks, getting things together for Jessica's baby shower. So many things, from the invitations to the gift packages to the thank you cards, are all handmade. I've been genuinely impressed with the level of creativity they've put into this...it's very impressive, but the stress of planning and preparing for this shower has been getting to Julie.
Right now, there's over 70 confirmed people coming. It's going to be fucking huge, and it's in less than two weeks.
Her back's killing her, and I'm pretty sure it's from stress about the party. I'm doing everything I can to help, whether it be creative or supportive or just running around.
Not working isn't helping. I decided...I'm not talking about that anymore here. When I get a job, I will tell you, but until then, the only people who'll know about my job search will be me and her. Forgive me for not posting details, but after the last couple near misses...I'm becoming superstitious. I'm not gonna jinx myself. I'm not saying anything until I spend my first day at work...maybe after my first week.
I promise I'll tell y'all after the fact, but that's about it.
It was nice out here this weekend. Temperatures were above freezing (way above), and the snow's quickly disappearing. Julie and I took a little road trip down to St. Charles yesterday, looking for things for the party, and it was nice to get on the road.
We're driving around, and she tells me to keep my eyes open for hobby, arts and crafts stores, scrapbooking stores, and a place called Hobbity Lobbity. I'm looking at all the stores, scanning everything, not seeing it when she screams "HOBBITY LOBBITY!"
I'm looking, but I ain't seeing.
A quick lane change and turn into a shopping center later, and I see...Hobby Lobby. I point this out to my love, and she insists it's "Hobbity Lobbity".
...
Being from Pennsylvania, I understand adding a consonant or two to a word. Given that we have such wonderful words like "Allegheny", "Monongahela" and "Connequessing" in our vocabulary, it's understandable that extra syllables just magically appear in our words.
HOWEVER...
We don't add "ity" to our words at random.
I love this woman with all my heart, but there are moments when I have a very hard time trying to understand her...
My love is sitting across from me, picking at tags. She bought a Chinese Take-Out style carton filled with little word tags the other day, and she's going through it, looking for words for some reason or another.
We'd been frequenting hobby stores the past few weeks, getting things together for Jessica's baby shower. So many things, from the invitations to the gift packages to the thank you cards, are all handmade. I've been genuinely impressed with the level of creativity they've put into this...it's very impressive, but the stress of planning and preparing for this shower has been getting to Julie.
Right now, there's over 70 confirmed people coming. It's going to be fucking huge, and it's in less than two weeks.
Her back's killing her, and I'm pretty sure it's from stress about the party. I'm doing everything I can to help, whether it be creative or supportive or just running around.
Not working isn't helping. I decided...I'm not talking about that anymore here. When I get a job, I will tell you, but until then, the only people who'll know about my job search will be me and her. Forgive me for not posting details, but after the last couple near misses...I'm becoming superstitious. I'm not gonna jinx myself. I'm not saying anything until I spend my first day at work...maybe after my first week.
I promise I'll tell y'all after the fact, but that's about it.
It was nice out here this weekend. Temperatures were above freezing (way above), and the snow's quickly disappearing. Julie and I took a little road trip down to St. Charles yesterday, looking for things for the party, and it was nice to get on the road.
We're driving around, and she tells me to keep my eyes open for hobby, arts and crafts stores, scrapbooking stores, and a place called Hobbity Lobbity. I'm looking at all the stores, scanning everything, not seeing it when she screams "HOBBITY LOBBITY!"
I'm looking, but I ain't seeing.
A quick lane change and turn into a shopping center later, and I see...Hobby Lobby. I point this out to my love, and she insists it's "Hobbity Lobbity".
...
Being from Pennsylvania, I understand adding a consonant or two to a word. Given that we have such wonderful words like "Allegheny", "Monongahela" and "Connequessing" in our vocabulary, it's understandable that extra syllables just magically appear in our words.
HOWEVER...
We don't add "ity" to our words at random.
I love this woman with all my heart, but there are moments when I have a very hard time trying to understand her...
Monday, February 02, 2009
If the groundhog sees his shadow, does that mean I go six more weeks without a job?
Hm. It's February already.
Time flies, as they say.
I'm sitting in my home office, listening to John Mayer live in concert and sipping chai in-between moments of fingers typing on a keyboard. It's about 12 degrees outside, but the wind makes it feel much colder...at least, it felt colder than that when I walked home from Julie's a bit ago.
Hence the chai and the nice, heavy bathrobe I've got on.
It's been awhile since I've entered the blogosphere, either as an author or as a reader. I'd like to say it's because I've been so busy, but really, it's because I've had nothing new to say.
My days are spent looking at job websites, sending off resumes and applications and not hearing anything in return save for the form response which is automatically generated. I'd like to think that, somewhere in the vast chasm that is the working world, a human being actually sees my resume and hits the "send" button on that response form, but being the geek that I am, I know better.
Still, I keep trying. Application after application for everything and anything. Over the past few months, I've applied for every desktop support job I could find, but also such diverse positions as:
It's extremely frustrating and depressing. You get to a point when you begin to question your self-worth. You wonder...am I truly such a horrible person that I can't get a job brewing coffee in a coffee shop?
It's a good thing the chai's the strongest thing I imbibe. If I were a drinking man, I'd long ago have crawled in the bottle and pulled the stopper in behind me.
Thank God for Julie.
She is a wonderful, amazing woman. She's been patient and understanding with me. She knows I'm trying. She's got her own problems, and yet she still finds time to worry about me.
I'm not used to that. I'm used to be the one who's had to carry the burden of the worries, and I wish she'd let me carry some of her burdens, some of her worries, like she carries mine. I've got two big shoulders and a strong back.
It's not easy for her, I can relate. Being the one to have to take care of things for so long by yourself, to all of a sudden have someone else who not only understands but wants to help...
heh
We're alike in many ways. I can understand and respect her wanting to take care of things, and I know she feels the same. All I can do is wait, and give her the time she needs to be able to let me help hold her up like she's been holding me up.
I would do anything for her, give her whatever she wants...even if it's just something simple like a peanut butter and jelly sammich.
The day will come when we won't have so many worries between us. I firmly believe this. All I can do is assure her that, when that day arrives, we'll see it together.
For now...tomorrow's another day...and I'll go back to looking for that job I just can't seem to find...
I love you, baby. I love you with all my heart.
Time flies, as they say.
I'm sitting in my home office, listening to John Mayer live in concert and sipping chai in-between moments of fingers typing on a keyboard. It's about 12 degrees outside, but the wind makes it feel much colder...at least, it felt colder than that when I walked home from Julie's a bit ago.
Hence the chai and the nice, heavy bathrobe I've got on.
It's been awhile since I've entered the blogosphere, either as an author or as a reader. I'd like to say it's because I've been so busy, but really, it's because I've had nothing new to say.
My days are spent looking at job websites, sending off resumes and applications and not hearing anything in return save for the form response which is automatically generated. I'd like to think that, somewhere in the vast chasm that is the working world, a human being actually sees my resume and hits the "send" button on that response form, but being the geek that I am, I know better.
Still, I keep trying. Application after application for everything and anything. Over the past few months, I've applied for every desktop support job I could find, but also such diverse positions as:
- School bus driver (they had me in for an interview, but then they never returned my calls)
- Dishwasher for a hospital (they sent me a letter saying that my credentials are impressive, but I'm not what they're looking for right now)
- Delivery driver
- Field utility marker (someone who goes out and puts the gas line signs out in the middle of nowhere, so construction crews know exactly where to dig)
- Stockroom worker
It's extremely frustrating and depressing. You get to a point when you begin to question your self-worth. You wonder...am I truly such a horrible person that I can't get a job brewing coffee in a coffee shop?
It's a good thing the chai's the strongest thing I imbibe. If I were a drinking man, I'd long ago have crawled in the bottle and pulled the stopper in behind me.
Thank God for Julie.
She is a wonderful, amazing woman. She's been patient and understanding with me. She knows I'm trying. She's got her own problems, and yet she still finds time to worry about me.
I'm not used to that. I'm used to be the one who's had to carry the burden of the worries, and I wish she'd let me carry some of her burdens, some of her worries, like she carries mine. I've got two big shoulders and a strong back.
It's not easy for her, I can relate. Being the one to have to take care of things for so long by yourself, to all of a sudden have someone else who not only understands but wants to help...
heh
We're alike in many ways. I can understand and respect her wanting to take care of things, and I know she feels the same. All I can do is wait, and give her the time she needs to be able to let me help hold her up like she's been holding me up.
I would do anything for her, give her whatever she wants...even if it's just something simple like a peanut butter and jelly sammich.
The day will come when we won't have so many worries between us. I firmly believe this. All I can do is assure her that, when that day arrives, we'll see it together.
For now...tomorrow's another day...and I'll go back to looking for that job I just can't seem to find...
I love you, baby. I love you with all my heart.
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