The Onestar Philosophy

In my life, I've come to a few conclusions about myself...

• I've learned to enjoy the time I have with my friends, because sooner or later, friends grow apart.
• There's no sense in staying mad at anyone or anything. It won't bother them, and all it will do is eat away at your soul.
• I don't screw, lay, poke, fuck, hump, bone, or have sex. I make love.
• You leave me alone, I'll leave you alone.
• I don't believe in working any longer than I have to. When its quitting time, I am out the door. You don't like it, tough.
• Life is too short to rush through. Slow down, take your time, and relax.
• I don't believe in politics. They're a game for the rich and the idle few.
• It may be trite, but I'm a lover, not a fighter.
• I no longer know what the future has in store for me. Everything I once thought would be...no longer is. I prefer to live my life one day at a time, and wait and see what tomorrow will bring.
• Don't tailgate me while I'm driving. Instead of going faster, I'll slow down on your ass.
• There is no such a thing as coincidence. I don't believe in it.
• Also, I don't believe in if anymore. It's an illusion.
• Real women have curves. I've never been attracted to waif-thin supermodels, and probably never will.
• I can live without TV. I can't live without music.
• Try and see things from the other's person point of view. Respect their opinion while maintaining your own.
• As a good friend has taught me, take the time to breathe and be.
• Remember you're not gonna be right all the time. Just never admit you're wrong. ;)
• Never say never. There are just too many possibilities in life...you have no idea what tomorrow will bring.
• It's not the destination that's important, it's the journey.
• I get frustrated. We all do. I've learned to step back and take a breath when that happens, and just try again.
• I'll try just about anything once, but there are some things I will not do.
• I won't drink, I won't smoke, and I won't get involved in a menage a trois. Why piss off two women when I can piss of one just as easily?
• Try not to go to bed angry. It just ruins a perfectly good night's sleep.
• Believe it or not, I try to stay fairly upbeat.
• And last but not least, I like to smile. Especially at the damnedest times...it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Sleeping in tomorrow

This...is my new bed.

I'd been sleeping in the same, small, crampt twin-sized bed for the last...well...let's just say it's been a long, long time since.

I'd wanted to get a new, bigger bed for some time, but My Kid and I had butted heads on the subject. She swore it couldn't fit in my room (this picture should prove otherwise, although I did have to move some furniture around to make it fit), and probably couldn't understand why I wanted one.

I stand six-foot-two, and I am not a small man by any means. I outgrew that bed years ago, but out of respect for her (and her fear of change) I didn't get the new bed.

Now, however, there's been nothing stopping me from getting it.

One of the things I had planned for during my vacation was to get the bed. I ordered it on Wednesday and they delivered it today. The Original Mattress Factory. Great place. Good prices. You can even get a tour of the factory to see them make the beds (as long as the tour doesn't put you to sleep...get it? Bed? Sleep? I'm so funny...).

It's taken a long time to get to this point, but sometimes, we have to wait for these things. Things that we have to work for, wait for, are generally those that are most important in our lives. They've been truly earned, and that's sweeter than anything else.

Rest assured, tomorrow morning, I'll be sleeping in. I like to think I've earned that rest.

Little things

In the last few months, I've had a lot of time to think about myself, who I am, and I've come up with a few answers. I know there's still more about "me" that I've yet to discover, but for the short term, this is what I know...or at the very least, what I think I know:

• I live for the little things in life. I'm at my happiest when I've found some small pleasure in my day.
• I love it quiet. Loud, noisy places do nothing for me (with the exception of baseball games...there's a strange sense of peace I've found at the ballpark).
• I like sunrises and sunsets. There's a tranquility to them that few people understand.
• I'll never be a rich man. I'll be lucky if I can stash a little extra away somewhere. It's all right, tho. Wealth doesn't equate to happiness.
• I'm not that fond of big, expensive toys anymore, I think. Sure, they're nice, but what purpose do they serve? I'm happy with what I have. I don't need a 100 inch TV. There's no room for it in the house. The one I have is good enough for me.
• I'd still rather give than receive.
• I believe in making sure others are taken care first.I would love to share my life with someone, but I'm not looking for someone to control, or someone to control me. I want a partner. I want someone to do things with together, to see the world not only through my eyes, but through theirs as well (although I promise to clean their eyes off before I give them back).
• I've made mistakes in my life...some of them little, some of them huge...and all I can do at this point is apologize. I won't ask for forgiveness. That's something that has to be offered and earned.
  
• There are many, many things that are beyond my control, and that's cool with me. I've no desire to control another person's life or make their decisions. I've done that. It's not as much fun as you might think.
• I'm thick as a brick. Tell me when I do something wrong, or something right for that matter.
• I learn from my mistakes.
• And last, but not least, I believe in balance. In fact, I'm at my best when I'm balancing someone else out. Alone, I'm okay...but when I'm able to provide balance for someone else, things make more sense, somehow. It's a Libra thing, I guess.

This is what I've learned so far, and you know what the best part is? Everyday, I learn something new, and I look forward to finding out all these really cool things about me.

After all, as I've said before...I'm just me. Nothing more and nothing less.

Not necessarily a year in review

2006 is rapidly coming to a close, and for the most part, I couldn't be more thankful.

Why is it that people are ready to offer "year in review" columns when the year isn't over yet? Are we that obsessed with speed, time, and getting things out so early? What's next? The 2008 Year in Review next month?

(Although, if they were to give me winning lottery numbers, I wouldn't complain too much...)

I'm not doing that. I'm not going to sit here and recap what happened to me this year because, with one exception, I'd much rather forget this year. This had to be one of the worst, if not the worst, year of my life.

Best to let it stay in the past, move on, and look forward to the future.

I'm also not going to try and review what happened in the world this year, because, and forgive me for this, I was too busy taking care of my own life to really give a shit. Politicans did what they usually do, celebrities were obsessed with keeping their name in the limelight, people were born and people died. Same as last year, same as this year, same as the next.

I've been more concerned about my friends, those I care for, those I've lost and found. I'll miss and mourn those I've lost, and I'll carry their memory with me. For those I've found, I just look forward to what the future brings, the hopes and promises of a new day.

So let's let 2006 pass into the night as it should, with quiet respect and reverence. It's part of history now, mostly. Let's look toward tomorrow...together.

Quiet time

Saturday night. 11:30 PM.
My living room.
Nothing on but the Christmas lights and the glow of the laptop.

Listening to "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by the Rolling Stones. A gift from a dear friend.

Went out and saw My Kid today. She looked and sounded pretty good. Voice was strong, she was sharp and alert. It was a good day.

We talked...although I did most of the talking. She did joke around a little and talk some. She's doing pretty good, but she's nowhere near where she once was.

Last night, I was telling a buddy of mine about her, and how I wanted to bring her home for Christmas.

He put things into perspective for me. He said "You want to bring her to your home for Christmas. She's already in her home."

I have to admit it, but he's right. I have to stop thinking of this as her home as well. It's my home now, as cruel as that sounds. It hurts to admit that. It hurts to think that this isn't her home any longer. It's mine.

What I've said before stays the same. Her room will not change. I'll leave it exactly as is (except for the dust...I'll change it every now and then). The rest of the house? I'll leave some things as is, change some others.

But it's mine...and this is my time.

You can't always get what you want, but you'll get what you need.

I still need to find out who I am. I still need to just be me. I still need to be.

I hope I find me someday.

If only I had a witty title...

I know it's been awhile since I've posted anything here, and while there are some things I could talk about, right now isn't the best time. Thoughts are jumbled in my mind...things aren't entirely clear and focused, and I still have a lot of thinking to do.

When I can talk about it...make that...when I feel more comfortable talking about it, I will.

I did put up the Christmas tree yesterday. It's a beauty, but it's also somewhat sad. First time I did it entirely on my own. It just felt...strange...that's all.

Still have to put the villages up and the train as well. Gonna do that shortly.

Oh, and I believe I've fried the PCI bus on my main computer's motherboard. I've no sound, none of the add-in USB devices seem to work, and they're now showing up in the control panel. Think I know how I did it too. I zapped the USB hub on my desk with a electrical surge, and I think it traveled down to fry the bus. Wouldn't be the first time I've seen that happen, it's just the first time its happened to me.

Gotta be careful, this time of year. Static electricity can build up in houses, and electronics are incredibly sensitive. I'm usually more careful about that (I know what to do and what the consequences are), but this was just an accident, and shit happens.

Back to my thoughts, I guess...