One last time

It was 2 in the morning when the phone rang.

I thought it was Julie calling me, saying that Jessica had gone into labor. When I saw it was the nursing home on the Caller ID...I knew it was bad.

The nurse told me that Mum was aspirating again. They had to drain a lot of liquid from her lungs, and they wanted to know whether to just give her morphine to make her comfortable, or to send her to the emergency room. They'd already called her doctor, and he said either was okay. It was my call.

I said send her to the emergency room.

She was going to Jeannette hospital, about 20 minutes away. I called back a few minutes later, and they told me they were sending her to Westmoreland County hospital, which was closer...because the paramedics said she'd stopped breathing.

I called the hospital and spoke to the nurse on duty, explaining who I was and what was going on. Told him the history, and he said the paramedics were bringing her in and he'd call me back.

Her condition was "grave".

A little later, I called back. Talked to the same nurse who explained that she had pneumonia in the lower right lung, a fever of 102, her blood sugar was over 500 and she'd aspirated again. Her breathing was shallow. Her pulse, blood pressure and oxygen were low.

It wasn't looking good.

I waited until it was about 6 in the morning, Pittsburgh time, before calling my brothers with the news. I'd been awake for about 3 hours by that point.

After getting them caught up on what happened. I walked over and saw Julie. Told her about it. Held her for the longest time.

This afternoon, the nurse on duty called me. They told me she was having a hard time breathing. There was no gag reflex. They'd rub her chest and call her name out loudly, and all she'd do is open her eyes for a second and then close them again.

The nurse told me that if we wanted to see her one more time, we should come out tonight...maybe tomorrow.

Once again, I called my brothers. Told them the news.

Tomorrow morning, Julie has to go to work at 9 AM. I'm going to follow her over to the store, and then take off for Pittsburgh.

I don't want to leave, especially not now. I so wanted to be here for Jessica when she gave birth to Curtis. I apologized to her, and while I think she understands, I think I saw a bit of hurt in her eyes. She did say she regretted not seeing her grandmother one last time, and had told me I should take advantage of one last visit.

She's a smart one, that girl. She's going to make a wonderful mother.

Worst of all is I don't want to leave Julie. Tears are welling up in my eyes at the thought of that. I told her I understood that she couldn't come, because she has to work and she has to be here for Jessica when the baby comes.

Maybe I'll get lucky and Curtis will wait and make his grand entrance into this world when I get back.

My suitcase is packed. My suits are ready. Either this is the final goodbye or I'll be making funeral arrangements. Tim is gracious enough to let me crash at his place. My brothers didn't offer and I didn't ask.

Right now I'm going downstairs and climb in bed with Julie. I know I'll be back to her soon. I'll be gone a week...maybe more, maybe less. I don't know. Small words that do little to help right now.

I don't know when I'll blog again. I'll try and update when I know more, but for now...