You can't go home again, part II

This was written at different times Sunday.

My first full day back in Pittsburgh started with three different events:

* Six in the morning, two alarms started going off in the bedrooms upstairs. I think Tim and the kids just didn't bother to turn them off, which is fine, but they were loud enough to wake me downstairs. I stumbled upstairs, found the offending machines, and turned them off.

* About a hour and a half later, Julie texted me to see if I was up. We talked for a bit, which was nice. Seems she didn't sleep too well in a house all by herself. Don't tell anyone this, but I think she missed me. She had to leave for work, so I decided to get up.

* Came in and sat down in the dining room. Outside, I'd heard the distinctive chirp of a blue jay outside...something I hadn't heard for some time. That brought a smile...if you've never heard the blue jay's chirp, it's a shame. I used to love to wake up hearing it sing. It was nice.

I called the hospital and spoke to the nurse taking care of Mum. She told me the diarrhetic they'd given her last night drained about 1,000 milliliters of fluid from her, that she was on a very sloe morphine drip and was resting comfortably. I figured I'd get up, start my day, run a few errands and then go see her.



It's so very strange being back here. Driving roads I've driven for years seem familiar yet strange at the same time. I lived here all my life, but it's not my home anymore. I feel like a stranger in a foreign land, yet at home.

I took my laptop out with me, Stopped at Wally-Mart for a few things, and then hit King's for a late breakfast. They have free Wi-Fi. Gotta love that.



It's now about 6:30. I left the hospital about an hour or so ago, and am decompressing in a local Panera Bread, sipping an iced green tea and reflecting about what's going on.

I had the chance to talk to Mum's doctor today. A really nice guy, he took care of her since she went into the nursing home. I didn't always see eye-to-eye with him, but he is a good man, and he's done his best.

We talked a bit. He recapped everything that's happened since Thursday night/Friday morning. Right now, Mum's got pneumonia in both lungs and a number of infections. He called in several specialists; lung, heart, kidney and infection.

He asked how aggressively we wanted to pursue her treatments. After talking to my brothers the last few days, I felt comfortable saying that we're just gonna let nature take its course.

The doctor concurred, even though it's not the easiest decision to reach. To treat her infections (one of which is MRSA), she'd require four different antibiotics. Given her history of allergic reactions to antibiotics, it didn't seem wise to go with that treatment. They've stopped all antibiotic treatments, they're not giving her any nutriments via peg tube, and they've got her on an morphine IV.

He thinks she might have a few days left.

I called my brothers and told them. For the most part, they've accepted the news, although I think one of them is not taking it very well. I'm not surprised by that. I knew he'd have a hard time with it. The nice thing is, they asked where I'd be staying, and I told them with Tim. Dan offered to put me up at his place, but I'll stay where I am. It's closer to the funeral home...

I talked to Julie, and she asked if I was all right with it. Honestly, I am. It doesn't mean that when she does die, it's not gonna be easy, but it will be a relief off my shoulders.

I'm doing what is best for her. Her quality of life right now is horrendous, and this is the best thing we can do for her.

I'll be in Pittsburgh until the end of the week. If she goes before then, I'll stay for the funeral, if not, I'll just come back when she does pass.

Gonna post this now, finish my tea and head back to Tim's place. He got back in town a little bit ago, and I wanted to give him a chance to rest before coming home.