Hmm

It's a quiet Sunday morning over at my place.

I've been up for about an hour and a half now. Already showered, shaved and did all the other stuff people do in their bathrooms. Did a little websurfing, trying to decide whether I feel like making pancakes or just a bowl of cereal.

Julie's still asleep over at her place. She was so tired last night, I came back home to let her sleep. She was supposed to be off today, but because they buggered her schedule. she's gotta work later tonight. Worst part is, today's Travis' 21st birthday, and she wanted to spend it with her son.

Of course, I did have something to do here last night: I setup my new TV. Yes, I broke down and got a new television set. It was a sale at Best Buy (18 months, no interest financing...I'd gawddamn better be working by then!) that I couldn't pass up.

Now before you go thinking I've got some huge, geeky set...you'd be wrong. It's a 32 inch LCD, but it's not a super-geeky. The nice thing is, it fits my place. I think something bigger wouldn't have worked as well, but this TV is perfect.

I don't have cable or satellite, but I do have my DVDs. That's pretty much all I've used TV for in the past year, anyway, even when I was in Pittsburgh and have that lovely Dish package. Of course, the first DVD I had to pop in was an Andre Rieu concert. It was great to sit on the couch, relax, listen to some beautiful music and enjoy watching the show in Vrijthof Square. One of these days, I'll see if I can get Julie to watch one of those concerts with me. I'll admit, this is more of a "my" thing, and she might be bored by it.

Still would love to see him live again. Not this year, but maybe next. ;)

But this morning, while I was in the shower, I was thinking about this blog...more specifically, the title. "The Journal of Onestar".

I was thinking, I'm not really "Onestar" anymore. "Onestar", as I've said before, was more of a caricature of me, a parody of sorts. During the heyday of DeviantArt was when "Onestar" was at his peak is when "he" was hitting his stride, but those days are gone (much like the heyday of DeviantArt itself).

And, yes, the title of this blog has it's origins way back in 1992 when I first started publishing an e-mail e-zine. "The Journal of Onestar" has gone through several different versions over the years.

Today, there's no "Onestar" about me, I think. I'm...strange as it may seem and even stranger for me to type...more of a family man now, less of a lone wolf. Okay, so I'm still a bit of a horndog, but I save all that for the woman I love.

It might be maturity. It could be growing older (and, I suppose, growing up). It might also be (gasp!) a little more self-confidence on my part. I can step out from behind the shadows, out from the mysterious persona "Onestar" had built and be "just me".

I always said, I went by "Onestar" online for security purposes, to protect my real identity, but truth be told, there was more to it than that. I was able to protect myself, hide behind a mask, a personality I'd help create, and not let the real world see me for what I am. It's taken a very long time for me to get comfortable with people getting to know Eric. Insecurities and self-doubt, were easily hidden behind false bravado and that ever-so-comfortable self-depreciating sense of humor.

Hiding behind a keyboard also helped. Staying secluded, partly by choice, partly by circumstance, also made being the buffoon a lot easier.

But now?

Now, more folks know me, the "real" me. Most of you who read this blog have met me. Some of you call me friend, some consider me closer than that. Odds are, some still read this blog who, well...

Doesn't matter. What's past is past, let's leave it there, shall we?

So what does this all mean?

Well, I'm not changing the name of the blog, that's for sure. "The Journal of Onestar" is a good name, one you're used to seeing. I'm keeping it.

But don't expect to see me use "Onestar" for my name. Not anymore. It says "Eric S." up there in the profile. That's me. That's the guy who writes this stuff and who rambles on endlessly.

I've left "Onestar" behind.

If you're still coming around here, looking for him...hate to disappoint you, but he's history. Yesterday's news. If you can't accept that and move on, I'm sorry.

If you're coming around here for a man you consider "friend", "brother" or "lover"...welcome. I'm glad to see you.

And if you just happen to hit this page on a freak Google search accident, you're welcome to come back anytime you like. My life is, well, not the most interesting one out there, but it's a good one. For the first time in a long, long time...I'm quite happy with it.

Signed,
Eric