rev·e·la·tion

It's Monday night, August 30. 7:15PM, Pacific Daylight Time.

Yeah, I wrote Pacific time. It's because I'm out West in Las Vegas.

Save the "oohs" and "ahhs". All things being equal, I'd rather be back in DeKalb.

Now before you go and call whatever psychological counselor you believe I may need, hear me out.

I think I may have a problem. I think I have a gambling addiction.

I spent $50 in a local casino tonight and have nothing to show for it. Scratch that. I got a free t-shirt for joining the casino's players club. Whoo. Hoo.

My financial situation is bleaker than bleak these days. I owe a few people a lot of money, to the point I'm likely going to take legal action to come to a resolution. I'm getting married next year, and I should be saving every extra penny I have for that wedding, so I can marry the most amazing woman I know. Yet what do I do? I go play the slots, and I don't have a damn thing to show for it.

I know I have an obsessive personality. I have that little voice inside me that says, "Oh, go and play one more game. You'll get it this time. One more pull...you'll win this time". Nevermind that I have to eat this week, I need to lose weight anyway. Nevermind that there's likely gonna be an extra charge that I have to pay (probably get reimbursed, but that ain't the point) for bringing a suitcase!

I had to go play in the damn casino.

It's been 28 years since I've been in Vegas. When I was 14, we drove across country, and met up with The Kid's sister in Vegas before heading down to her and my Uncle's place in the Valley. She flew into Las Vegas International airport, and if you've ever been to this city, you know there's slot machines everywhere, including the airport. Well, My Kid put a few quarters into one and didn't win anything. I walk up, put in one quarter (even though I was seriously underaged) and won five bucks.

That hooked me.

Tonight, I'm remove those hooks once and for all. I'm not entering another casino. I can't do it anymore. I have to draw the line.

If it's just me, Hell, I don't care. I can waste all my money inside one of those places.

But it ain't just me anymore. I have a woman who loves me and whom I love more than anything else.

So, yeah, I'm in Las Vegas, but I'll be spending most of my time here in my room. I'm not gonna go out. It's a temptation, and I believe there's a line somewhere that goes "lead us not into temptation". Damn Catholic upbringing. ;)

Maybe if Julie was with me, I'd be willing to go wander, see the sights, take my camera and shoot this incredible city. Enjoy it the way I should be enjoying it. But I'm by myself, and I know I can't trust myself here. Not yet.

Hello. My name is Eric, and I have a problem. But I'm gonna do something about it.