And so it goes

This will be, most likely, the final entry in The Journal of Onestar.

When these words appear, gentle reader, Julie and I will be taking our vows to become Husband and Wife. Three years and three days after we met online, we're getting married. And yes, I'm typing this in advance. I may be good, but there's no way I can blog and say "I Do" at the same time, and even if I could, I doubt it'd go over very well.

I know I've ended this blog in the past, only to come back to it again. My production here has seriously dropped off over the years, so this shouldn't come as much of a surprise. I started this mostly as a place to vent frustrations, share fears, have an outlet for things that were going on in my life.

2006, when this blog started in earnest, marked the beginning of the most tumultuous time in my life. My aunt had passed away the previous October and my mother, whom I'd spent years caring for, started her decline in earnest. I'd spent months watching a strong woman unravel at the seams, her depression grow into the onset of dementia and ultimately lead to her going into a nursing home.

Two years later, I lost a job through no one's fault but my own, one I'd had for nearly nine years. It was something I loved, even if it did have its minor detractions. Out of work in the midst of one of the worst recessions this country's faced with few if any good prospects, the outlook was bleak...until I met Julie.

At my worst, I found my best.

The story of our love has unfolded here, shared for my friends and foes alike to see, and both have visited many times. Yeah, I was out of work, but I spent the Summer of 2008 traveling back and forth from Pittsburgh to DeKalb to see her, each trip a little longer, each time neither wanting to part. We both knew what we wanted, we both knew it would lead to this day, but we were willing to take our time and make sure it was done correctly, properly.

Right now, I'm standing in a tuxedo, my best man, best friend and a man who has been more of a brother to me than my real brothers standing by my side as I watch her walk toward me. In a sense, this is merely a formality: Many already think we are married, and in my heart, well...

In my heart I've been married to her for awhile now, and she has been married to me.

Things are a little better today than when I first met her three years ago. I have a stable, full-time job again, doing what I love to do. I have a family here whom I get to come home to daily and who like and care for me. We have a place, and we're talking about finding our own home together here.

I'm a Pittsburgher in my heart, but my home is with Julie. We're here in DeKalb for the foreseeable future, not only because we have good jobs here, but also because our family is here. Our grandson is here. How can we leave?

Onestar was born 20 years ago, a character for a game that I kept around, tweaked, gave a history and a life to, forged into an online character that led me to meet many good friends and some good adventures along the way. The only problem is, you can't have Onestar without the "One" at the beginning, and that's something I am not. Not any longer.

So it's time to put this character, this persona, this Onestar behind me. Hey, 20 years as one character ain't bad.

But it is time to move on.

I'll leave this blog here, maybe for a day, maybe forever. I doubt I'll update it, but as I learned, I won't say "never". Never say never. The Universe doesn't like it when you say that.

And who knows? I'll likely blog again. Julie seems to like it when I write, seeing what I have to say, and I admit, I still like to blog, share good things and bad with my friends every now and then. It just won't be here.

There is a certain melancholy to writing this last blog entry. I spent a long time writing The Journal of Onestar, in one form or another, with friends and alone. If life is a book, then this chapter has closed, and it's just time to move onto another. When you see me again, I'll no longer be a bachelor, I'll be a husband, to the most amazing, wonderful, beautiful, sexy, caring, and loving woman.

My Julie, my angel.

So until we meet again, somewhere down the line, this is farewell. It's been a helluva run, these past 20 years. Time to let Onestar take a nap. He earned it.

Goodbye.

What are you looking for?

Here's the question of the day, and if you see this, please comment.

Why did you visit this page?

I had someone in Lafayette, Colorado Google "Journal of Onestar", and it led them here.

So I'm wondering...why did you visit here? What are you looking for?

Did you come across this randomly? Were you looking for someone you once knew?

Oh, I have a pretty good idea who that was in Lafayette that searched for "Journal of Onestar". Just like I have a pretty good idea who in Pittsburgh visits here every once in awhile, just like I know who in DeKalb, Illinois comes here every few days.

But there's a part of me that always wonders why? So I ask...what are you looking for? What do you want?

Say something, please. If you don't, well...that's nothing different, and I won't be like the cat who died from curiosity (as much as some may wish). I'd just like to know.

Oh, and if you didn't notice, I'm getting married in 19 days. The least you could do is offer your congratulations.

Double nickels

It's 55 days to go. Let's see...

Invitations have all been mailed. If you're a stalker and haven't received one, I'm sorry.

I've gotta do a pre-filing form for my bankruptcy. Looked at a few placed online, and requested information for one, but they never responded. Back to the list.

It's a very daunting task, having to file for bankruptcy. Never wanted to do it, but I sorta have no choice now.

Last Sunday, Julie, I and a few of the kids went to the Chicago Auto Show. Wow. It was HUGE! So much to see and do, even though we were there for hours, I don't think we saw everything.

I know, I hardly post here anymore. Right now, I don't have much more to say, so this one is done.

90 days

It's now three months until the wedding. I realize it's been awhile, so to go along with yet another new header, I figure I'd offer an update.

Plans are in place 100%. Invitations are printed and should start going out shortly. I've been fitted for my tux and Julie's been over to be measured for her dress, which she's making probably as I type this. All that remains are the small details (like paying for the thing).

Hotel blocks were set aside months ago, and the information is in the invitation. We're going to go out soon and set up a very small wedding registry. There's little we need, really, but we figure we should (not that we're expecting gifts. I just think it's cool that I can go set up a wedding registry!)

Just as we've gone and had Julie's ring sized and fitted, so has mine. I tried it on last week. Julie asked if it seems weird, but really, it feels just right on my finger. I'm looking forward to wearing it full-time.

Our photographer, the amazing, incredible and utterly fan-freaking-tastic Donna Craddock is psyched and ready to make the Transatlantic voyage to shoot the wedding.

Just when I think we settled on flavors for the wedding cake, Julie isn't so sure. Sigh...

We're not nervous, really. Most folks are surprised when they find out we're not married yet. We act like a very happily married couple anyway.

It's hard to believe, sometimes, that we've been planning and preparing this for over a year now. The day is fast approaching, and I for one cannot wait.

Header fun

Yes, I'm experimenting with new headers. Right now, I'm using this:

This might stay or it might go. I dunno right now...

film

Reprinted (mostly) from my Storm Artists page.

I have a plan

It's taken longer than I expected, but my plan has been fulfilled.
The first two examples of it have been uploaded (smaller versions will appear here).

About a month or so ago, I got my hands on a 35mm film camera.  Now, my friends tell me I'm a photographer, although I've always been more comfortable with the term picture-taker.  I wondered...do I have what it takes to be a photographer?  Do I have the right to call myself one?

I needed to test myself.  I needed to be sure, and I figure, the best way for me to do it is shoot with film.  Armed with a Canon EOS Rebel Ti and three rolls of film, I challenged myself to shoot photos without the luxuries digital offers us: No second chances, no do-overs.  One and done.

I took the three rolls over the end of November and the beginning of December.  Due to the holidays, the exposed film sat in my coat pocket for a few weeks before our budget allowed me a little extra to get it developed.  The Christmas rush meant it would take a few extra days before my pictures came back, but they have...

I won't lie.  A good number of them were blurry.  It's the first time I played with a manual focus SLR for any extended period, and I was figuring out what I was doing as I went along.  I could've used the automatic focus feature the lens had, but what kind of challenge would that be?  This was final exam, as it were.  No cheating.

Still, there were some out there that were pretty good.  I'll scan the ones I like over the next few days (maybe even one that Julie shot of yours truly with the automatic focus where I almost look human) and share with you my results.

This is my grand plan.  Please be honest and critique them.  I need to know...if I have what it takes.  If I really am a photographer.

Wishing

From the middle of Illinois, looking out my window at the snow covered ground, here's wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas.

Peace on Earth.  Good will to all.

Here's to a wonderful 2011.

Schmoopy

zzzzzzz

Julie has chided me for not posting anything.

Really, I've had nothing to say as of late. Not that anyone other than my love visits this site. Some old friends pop by on (rare) occasions to see if I've posted anything new. Hell, even my stalkers don't come around anymore!

I could tell you how my job's going. It's good. I get to geek, which I always love to do. The college's upgrading to Windows 7, replacing a bunch of older systems in the process. I get to play with some cool toys and I'm in my natural habitat. Seems my boss is as much a geek as I am, and we get along very well.

Or I could talk about the wedding, which will be here in just 131 days. Invitations are 99% done, meaning I have to just print a few things I forgot to print before. Things are falling into place quite nicely: The invitations should go out mid-January for folks invited to the wedding and reception, and reception-only invites will go out mid-February.

All that's left, pretty much, is to pay for the wedding, which means I'd have to talk finances. Julie has drafted up a budget for us to live on, which is fair and we've been doing very well on it. We're trying to save up as much as we can so we can pay for said wedding and honeymoon.

Christmas is just around the corner, yet this year, we're doing very little for it. Julie's not a fan of Christmas, even though I love it. I think, all things being equal, my love would much rather just hibernate through Winter.

Weather's another good topic. It's gotten cold out here, and it's supposed to go down near 0 tonight.

I've got something creative in mind that I'll post over at my Storm Artists page, but that probably won't appear for a few more weeks.

This must be the most boring blog post I've ever written.

Honestly, I'm seriously considering closing this blog again. See, I started writing it around one of the lowest points in my life. My Kid was in bad shape, going into the hospital and then the nursing home, and I needed a creative outlet to vent frustrations, feelings, fears...whatever...for the world to hear.

I lost my job through no one's fault but my own. I had no future ahead of me. I was alone, then I met Julie, the woman I love more than anything on this planet. I call her "my angel" and tell her she saved me from a dull and boring life.

From out of the bad times have come good ones. Life gets better each and every passing day. It's still not easy...probably won't be easy for some time to come, and every day brings new challenges, but y'know what? I'm happy.

(Pause while I wait for the Universe to smite me down for saying that out loud.)

Do we have a lot? No, but I've learned over the course of the past two and a half years that I don't need a lot. Simplify, Thoreau said. It's taken me awhile to figure that out, but I have, and I think my life is better for it.

Look at every story, every show, every plot and play. There's DRAMA at the heart of it. Am I saying there's no drama left in my life? Heavens forbid! But the drama isn't as bad as it once was. I'm no longer alone in the drama...I have someone who loves me, a family who cares for me and about me, and I don't have to shoulder the burdens alone.

So I don't write as much as I used to. I don't need a keyboard to vent out my frustrations. I can talk to Julie or the kids or my friends and share with them, and they share theirs with me. Amazing what a little human interaction can do, folks. Things we get in real life that you just can't find behind a keyboard.

So I don't blog nearly as much as I used to. I'm okay with that. Doesn't mean I won't write. Just means right now I don't have anything to say.

The title of this post is a snore. Interpret it as you will: This blog has become boring, I'm asleep as I type this, or whatnot. Understand that I've just found something away from this computer, this Internet, that I like a little more. That I love a whole lot more.

Move on? Keep stalking? I don't care. In the immortal words of Jimmy Buffett, "If the phone doesn't ring, it's me." I'm around. You can find me on Facebook, on Storm Artists, but the place you'll really find me is out here in the real world with the woman I love.

I'll write again when I have something important to say.

---Eric

Dispatch from the 205

No, I'm not on the road. 205 is my office number here at NIU. I'm not saying which building I'm in, simply because I don't want the hoard of groupies storming down my door while I'm trying to work.

Okay, here's a concept that boggles my mind: I can go home for lunch. In my 23+ years of working, I have never been close enough to my home to do that. Yet, here, I'm barely a five minute drive from the house. If Julie's not working, she's even had lunch ready for me when I get there!

These are concepts that I've had trouble coming to terms with.

Today, however, I'm eating lunch in the office. Julie's got the car today: Her shift is from 9:30 to 2, while I'm 8 to 4:30, Monday through Friday. It just makes sense for her to have the car and use it, and I'll sit on my butt at my desk and eat the PB&J I made for myself this morning.

Work is pretty good. I seem to fit in here well. My boss is a few years younger than me, but is a (slightly) bigger geek than I am. He's cool. The other person is my age, but has worked in a "smaller pond", as it were. Going from where she was to here...it's an adjustment. I now get to take on the "mentor" role somewhat, offering advice, assurance and whatnot, much like Bob did for me years ago.

Did I mention I have my own office? Thing is huge. I'll have to take pictures of it sometime and show them off here just so you can see. I sit at an "L" shaped desk with three monitors. Right now, I've got my e-mail & Winamp on one, my work queue on the middle, and this on the third. I am in geek heaven, lemme tell ya.

The wedding plans are moving along nicely. Julie's ring is off at the jewelry store getting fitted for the wedding band. It's been about 10 days since they've had it, and she wants it back. NOW. I had my initial fitting for my tux last weekend, something I've been wanting to do for awhile now. It just seems so unfair: The girls have their dresses, Julie knows what she wants for her dress. I have one thing to do, get fitted for the tux. I was tired of waiting.

Did I mention my office has a window? One that faces south? I just made a bottle of sun tea on the ledge, and it tastes good.

Just queue'd up a little Beatles in Winamp. Here, There and Everywhere. Kinda fitting, if you ask me.

Okay, lunch is nearly over. Time for me to go back to work...and it's a wonderful feeling.

They call me a workin' man

I find it funny that, at roughly 8:30 at night on a Thursday, everyone else in the house is asleep but me. Mind you, shortly after I finish this, I'll be going to bed as well. I'll be getting up early tomorrow morning...really early.

So I'm back to working full time. After two and a half years, it's strange and comforting at the same time. Knowing I have a job and a place I have to go to every morning, that I have things to do, is something I've missed. I get to go to the same place first thing in the morning, just 5 minutes from home. After two jobs where I didn't know where I'd be one week to the next...

The job is easy...it's basically the same thing I've been doing for the last 10 years. The difference this time, at least in my mind, is that I have experience. I knew some tricks when I started my last job, but there was a lot I had to learn. I had a good teacher, a man I consider now to be a very good and dear friend, who mentored me and showed me a lot. Now, although I'm working with people who know their stuff, sometimes they look to me for that knowledge, that experience.

It's a little strange.

I also have a family now. I have a woman who loves me, who in less than six months, I'm going to marry. There are still things that have to be done before April 16th, but I'm not worried about them. We'll be ready.

I'm sitting here, at the dining room table, looking out the window, thinking about life and how good it is, despite (or perhaps, in spite of) the ups and downs. I'm thinking...

Screw it. I'm done thinking for one night. I've said my peace. Leave it at that.

G'nite.

So October goes

I'm sitting in a Caribou Coffee in DeKalb, Illinois.

No exotic locale, no far-away place, just a few miles from home.

I've been back home for a few weeks now.  It's been wonderful, waking up every morning next to Julie, in the same bed, not having to make travel plans or hear about things that happen over the phone.  I'm there in the morning when Hailey heads to school and Travis goes to work.  I'm there at night when they get home (or when I have to go get Hailey after school).

It's a good thing being back home in more ways than one.  The car battery died Monday morning after an early morning grocery run.  Thankfully, it was only a mile from home and Travis had the day off.  He came over, jumped the car and we got home to check and make sure it was just the battery.

14 years.  165,000 miles.  My baby's not so much a baby anymore.  The old girl shows signs of age, of wear and each one of those miles.  I've been there for every one of them, and I hope she can hold out another six months until after the wedding before she gives out on me.

Like I said, I'm glad it happened Monday.  This past weekend, we took a couple trips.  Friday, we took the train into Chicago for a day of work-week sightseeing.  Visited the Federal Reserve, the Illinois State Building and wandered through busy city streets.

Saturday after Julie got off work, we left for an overnight getaway. Spent the night in Freeport before headed off to Galena.  We could've left early Sunday morning, but I knew Julie needed a night away from home, some rest, where there's no barking dog or people walking upstairs or noise in general.  We had a nice quiet night's sleep.

Galena is a gorgeous little town about 15 miles from the border with Iowa.  To say it's beautiful is an understatement: It has a small town charm and plenty of tourists on the weekend wandering up and down the quaint shops on Main Street.  The Galena Country Fair was this weekend as well, and the park was alive with vendors, sights, sounds and scents.

Julie and I hadn't had a weekend getaway in awhile, and we sorely needed one.

I'm not working right now.  The Marriott gig ended two weeks ago, and I was waiting to hear about a new project.  During that time, I had a job interview close to home.  I'd applied there several times before, but didn't get so much as a call.  This time, however, they wanted to see me.  Having been burnt so many times, I just went in there and explained that I'd been on the road for too long.  I wanted to be close to home, to my family.

It went well, but I left there not expecting anything.  Later that afternoon, I got calls from Tim and Amy.  Both of them are references on my resume.  They'd been called.

Both of them apparently told them all wonderful, glowing things about me.  It was a glimmer of hope I hadn't had for a very long time, but as the week progressed, that glimmer faded out.  By Friday, I'd heard nothing about the job and resigned myself to just wait for the next project to start, and forget my dreams of actually working in the same zip code I lived in.

Monday morning, after the battery had been replaced in the car, we were just about ready to leave for a day trip down to the zoo.  Julie, Cory, Travis and I were headed down to take Curtis to Brookfield.  I was already depressed over the battery in the car when my cell phone rang.

It was NIU.  They selected me for the job and were calling with a conditional offer.

I accepted on the spot.

Right now I'm waiting again while they do a mandatory background check on me.  They shouldn't find anything, other than a large credit card debt and my firing from CMU a few years ago, but it's been two days since I filled out the form for the check.  God knows what they'll find.  The longer it takes for the phone to ring, the more I worry.   Needless worry, Julie tells me, but I worry nonetheless.

The thought of being able to drive five minutes...or ever walk, if the weather is nice and I feel energetic...is one I never thought I'd have again.  Full time employment, benefits.  After the last two and a half years, I wondered if I'd ever have such a thing again.

You've heard the question, no doubt, "If you could change anything in your past, would you?"  I admit, I have made more than my fair share of mistakes, both to myself and to others.  Would I change anything?

I might use different words.  I might handle things differently, but I wouldn't change a thing.   Everything in my past had made me who I am today.  I have few regrets, and the things I do regret...I hope the ones I've offended will someday forgive me.  But all those events, all the things that have come before...I wouldn't change.

So for now I wait for the phone to ring, one more time.

UPDATE: They called. I start Monday.

Illusions

Take a look at this picture. What do you see?

That's the view from behind.  If you go around to the front...

...you see he's wrestling a lion.  Not what you thought, is it?

Pervert.  ;)

Took those pics at the Art Institute of Chicago.

Recollection Phoenix: III

And so my Phoenix excursion comes to a close.

This past week was all right. Thursday and Friday were work days. After work, I went out to have dinner and do a little shopping, but nothing worth blogging. I will say this much, however: It looks to me that there are more Jack-in-the-Box restaurants here than McDonalds. This is not necessarily a bad thing, since their menu is more diversified than Mickey Dees. Plus, their breakfast menu is available all day long, which is the only thing I get from the arches these days.

I shall miss that smiling round clown face when I go home.

Oh, speaking of fast food places, I saw something I never would've conceived. There's a Sonic near here that doesn't have a drive in! It's strictly "eat-in" or "drive-thru". No carhops on roller skates delivering to your car window, but then, when the temperature is over 100 nearly a third of the year, it's somewhat understandable.

Saturday was a day to explore. Started off the day driving west to see the University of Phoenix Stadium, home of the Arizona Cardinals, which I've heard is some sort of "football" team. This concept of "football" is something which I am not entirely familiar. I'd heard some of my fellow Pittsburgers refer to "Dem Stillers", but that could just be a group of thieves for all I know.

Wearing my Primanti Bros' shirt, I went there strictly to take photos of the place. I had heard of the stadium before, as it's the only one in the world with not only a retractable roof, but also a retractable field. This interested the geek in me, and when I learned that tours were available, I figured...I got nothin' better to do today. Let's check the place out!

(Okay, sarcasm aside, I do know who the Cardinals are, and, alas, what football is. The Cardinals are Julie's favourite team, and I know they played...and lost...to the Steelers a few SuperBowls back. I felt walking into "enemy territory" wearing a Pittsburgh shirt would make me a target, but the tour guide had been to the Burgh, and had tried Primanti's, and loved it. His wife is also a Steelers fan. I swear, I will never escape Steelers fans, no matter how far I go.)

The field is the big (pardon the pun) attraction here. It's natural grass, and can be wheeled outside to make it a true "multi-function" stadium.

Other highlights of the tour included the usual: Press box, suite, souvenir shop. Still, I liked visiting the place. It was better than I expected.

Then I went off to Phoenix International Raceway to get some pics and see what I can find for Julie. Even though she hasn't watched too many races this year, she still loves racing and her Dale Jr., and I wanted to visit the raceway to take some pictures for her, and maybe get her a souvenir. Alas, it wasn't meant to be. It was closed and I couldn't get inside. Took a couple pictures from inside the car, since it was yet another 100+ day, and I didn't feel like melting.

After that, it was back on the road for about an hour's drive to the other side of the county. I wanted to visit one of the local casinos, since everyone firmly believes I don't have an addiction. I had a little bit of money set aside, and wanted to go have some fun.

It took about an hour from the raceway for me to reach Harrah's Ak-Chin Casino and Resort. Now, there were closer casinos, like the one that's about five miles down the road from Kim's house. I could've gone there, but I not only wanted to go visit a casino, I wanted to go for a ride. I wanted to see outside the city, the desert, what it looked like.

I wasn't disappointed.

It's so vastly different from what I'm used to. Yes, I'd been in deserts before. I'd gone out to Vegas and Reno and California deserts, but this is farther South than I'd been before (New Orleans notwithstanding: There are no deserts in the Big Easy.) It was so barren and stark but so beautiful. And hot. Let's not forget hot.

The casino is outside a small town called Maricopa. It amazes me how people can survive and thrive out here, especially in such a small town. It goes to show the power of the human spirit, and all that.

After arriving and joining their player's club (something I learned years ago), I set out to play...anything but slots. I suck at slots. If I play a slot machine, I know I will lose, so I've decided they're not worth playing for me. I like video poker, keno and roulette.

When I went looking at the table games, I couldn't find the roulette wheel! I asked one of the pit bosses where their roulette table was, and she said "behind you".

It's digital. No human spinning the wheel. You sit at the console and play on your own touch screen. The geek in me was overjoyed, even though I was a bit embarrassed.

It was cool. For only a quarter a wager, I could play all night if I wanted. I stayed at the table until I dropped the money I put into it, which was cool, since I had a big win on the video poker machine earlier. I'd broke even, in my mind, and decided it was okay to leave.

Drove back to the hotel and stayed there pretty much Sunday.

Monday was back to work. After work, I went back out for another drive, and stayed out until dinner. After finished dinner, I went out and was greeted by one of the most amazing sunsets I have ever seen. Naturally, I didn't have my good camera with me. I took this with my cell's camera, but not even the best equipment could match the view. It was beautiful, and I was so thankful I got to see it firsthand.

Back to the room and work Tuesday. I haven't said much for the hotels where I've been working, but the room here at the Towneplace Suites is one of the nicest I've stayed. They're designed for long-term guests, with a full kitchen, sofa, chair and very comfortable bed. It's also a great value, but since they comp my room for work purposes, I can't comment too much. Still, if I was looking for a place to stay, I'd keep an eye open for Towneplace Suites.

(The proceeding paragraph is presented as an opinion and does not mean to plug the chain, unless it gets me more work when the next conversion is scheduled.)

And so ends my trip in Phoenix. As you read this, I'll be flying back home, after two long weeks of missing Julie. I talked to her about us maybe visiting here sometime in the Winter, since there are places I wanted to visit but it was just too damn hot to see. We'd have to save up for it, but if we do, it'll be sometime down the road. We've got a wedding to look forward to first.

Phoenix was better than I expected. I liked it here. It's a nice place to visit, but too hot to live here. Still, I like to think...we'll be back.

A Meme for grown-ups

I love the meme. It's fun, simple and somewhat addictive. Downside is that most of them are designed for teenagers/college students/etc. It's been a long time (25 years) since I graduated high school, so a lot of those questions just don't apply.

A quick Google search later...


50 questions for the people who are a little older...


1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Well, the credit card folks would love to hear from me... (cough)

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
Been awhile (that'll change), but it had to be Chianti's in Geneva.

3. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to? Was your husband/wife your 1st?
I regret very little in life, and no, it wasn't my future wife. :)

4. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be ?
Nothing. Everything that has come before has made me the man I am today. I'm okay with this.

5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Oh. My. God. I can't remember! I think it was one of the nuns...

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Sitting across the dining room table from Julie.

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
I always wanted to write comic books.

8. How many colleges did you attend?
1, but I worked at three of them.

9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
It was clean.

10. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
They're much better here in Arizona than in Illinois.

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you where would it be?
I'd take Julie and the kids to Pittsburgh, probably.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
I woke up on my own. No alarm today.

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
I miss you, sweetheart.

14. Do you miss being a child?
I came to terms years ago with the inner child in me. I'm happy where I am now.

15. Who is your best friend? Why are they your best friend?
Tim's my best friend. Julie's my best friend.

16. What errand/chore do you despise?
I always hated yard work. Thankfully, I don't do it anymore.

17. If you didn’t have to work, would you volunteer?
It depends on what I'd be doing.

18. Get up early or sleep in?
Early.

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Wile E. Coyote.

20. Favorite thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
Just spend time together. I'm happy with the simple things in life.

21. Have you found real love yet?
Damn straight.

22. When did you first start feeling old?
When I realized I was old enough to be the father of incoming college freshmen!

24. Your favorite lunch meat?
Pastrami

25. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
Usually something I didn't really need.

26. Beach or lake?
Lake

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
No. I've been really looking forward to mine.

28. Do you own property?
Not anymore.

29. Favorite Guilty pleasure?
Hostess Apple Pies. Ever since Julie had her gall bladder removed, I've looked at labels. Do you have any idea how much fat is in one of those? Still love 'em, though.

30. Favorite movie you wouldn’t want anyone to find out about?
I plead the fifth. Last thing I want is anyone to find out I like...

31. What’s your drink?
Tea, either iced or hot.

32. Cowboys or Indians?
Never played it when I was a kid.

33. Cops or Robbers?
See #32.

34. Who from high school would you like to run in to?
Ed Bauer, just to see him wrapped around his daughter's finger.

35. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
55 Radio Margaritaville. XM Radio, baby!

36. Norm or Cliff?
I haven't watched Cheers in years, but I liked Norm.

37. Grey’s or ‘The Office?
Don't watch either of 'em.

38. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
I made mistakes, and I am sorry. Let it go and move on.

39. Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work?
Usually there's a server across from me, and I'm really ambivalent about it.

40. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Celebrities do nothing for me, but it'd likely be a comedian. Robin Williams, Alonzo Bodden or maybe Jon Steward or Stephen Colbert.

41. Indoors or Outdoors?
Indoors!

42. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
I bumped someone once, backing up...

43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
Thankfully, no.

44. Last book you read?
Just finished My Horizontal Life by Chelsea Handler. I'm reading The Collected Sherlock Holmes right now.

45. Do you have a teddy bear?
Yes

46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
Damned if I know.

47. Somewhere in California you’ve never been and would like to go?
Northern California. Never been to San Francisco.

48. Do you go to church?
Nope.

49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
It'd have to be a career. I love Julie and wouldn't give her up for anything.

50. How old are you?
42 for three more days.

Recollection Phoenix: II

I've been in Phoenix for a week as of tonight. What do I have to show for it?

Well...

Friday after work was finished for the day, before headed over to the hotel work put me up in for the weekend, I walked about two blocks back to the Arizona Science Museum.

One thing I noted was that I didn't see too many people walking downtown. This is quite a different experience for me. Despite my...weight, I love to walk. It's the simplest thing I can do, and often, quite enjoyable.

Not in 110 degree heat.

After seeing the science museum, and walking back to get my car, I stopped at a Fry's Electronics, my version of Mecca. If you haven't been to Fry's, and are a geek of any sort, and there's one within 50 miles of you, GO! Don't hesitate, get in the car and drive. Think Best Buy, a toy and office supply store on steroids. Throw in a cafe and you've got this geek's idea of Heaven...or Hell, if you're broke.

Making my way to the hotel, I checked in. They've put me up for the weekends in a ExtendedStay America. It's a nice enough place, but after staying in my "work" hotels, it can be a bit of a letdown. Better than a Motel6, with a full kitchen (no oven but a dishwasher), a decent bed and a couch. Speaking of the couch...

...I spent most of Friday and part of Saturday lying on said couch. The heat got to me, and I was sick. My body doesn't like the heat, and when I'm first exposed to hotter weather than what I'd been used to, I get sick. I've gotten used to it, and it didn't come as a surprise. Did spoil a plan or two I had for those two days, but I was in no shape to visit or go anywhere.

I ventured out late Friday to get provisions, but only across the street to Target.

Sunday was a little better, but with nothing to do, I stayed in the hotel most of the weekend.

Monday meant back to work, but after work, I went over and spent the afternoon with Julie's sister, Kim. She's cool. We had dinner (Julie insisted I get at least one home cooked meal while I'm away...she loves me), sat around, bullshitted, before I returned to the hotel for the night.

Tuesday was Julie's birthday. Sigh. I was upset that I wasn't there for it, but we both knew it would be this way. I made arrangements to have her birthday present, a dozen roses with yellow daisies intermixed, there for her before I left, and they gave it to her during the weekend. She got close to 80 birthday wishes on Facebook. Good for her. Just means she's really loved.

It's now Wednesday. I've left one hotel and went to another, and another stop at another Fry's. Phoenix is lucky: They're blessed with three locations. I just love to wander through there and drool over the toys, tools and equipment. I did linger a little longer in the motherboards aisle. I miss working inside the computer, replacing and upgrading the parts. It's been too long since I've worked inside one. My main PC, my desktop, sits unplugged at home. There's no room in the house for an office for me, so it sits and waits. I'd love to upgrade her, new motherboard, memory, et al, but that'll have to wait.

Priorities.

One more week here in Phoenix, before I return home to my true love. There's a couple places I do want to see before I leave here, and hopefully, take some pics. My poor camera hasn't gotten nearly the use it should.

Choice

Please excuse me while I pull out the small soapbox. I'll try to be brief.

Those of you who know me, know I don't drink alcohol.

When I turn 43 in all of about 10 days, I can honestly say I have never had a beer, and I can count on one hand the number of times I've had wine, and still have a couple fingers left over

It's a lifestyle choice I made years ago. I saw the destructive results of alcohol at a very early age and decided then and there that's not for me.

I'm not preaching abstinence nor will I propose the reinstatement of the 21st amendment (for those of you outside the US, it was an amendment to the Constitution making the sale of alcohol illegal). If you like to drink, I will never stop you.

I have no problem with folks who like to drink, whether it be the occasional glass of wine with dinner (I've heard it can compliment a meal quite well), or someone who likes to go out and “party down”. As long as you're safe, you know your limits, and that's how you choose to enjoy yourself, go for it.

And to the alcoholic or two out there who might chance to read this, well, just understand that you might be a fine person, but that doesn't mean I wanna hang out with you. It's nothing personal. I've known an alcoholic or two in my life...even have one in my family. I have little, if anything, in common with alcoholics and because of that, I really don't enjoy spending time with them.

It is said that the best way to enjoy life is through moderation. Mind you, given the way I eat sometimes, you'd think the term “moderation” means double the portions. That's not always true, and I am trying to change my eating habits (being on the road doesn't help), but I digress. Drinking in moderation is a fine choice, but being drunk all weekend long, or 24/7? I just don't get it, and I probably never will.

Does this make me a dull person? In your eyes, probably. Hell, I'm the first to admit, I'm a quiet kinda guy. I like the quiet life, and by quiet, I mean I don't like to spend my nights closing down bar after bar. Believe it or not, I have been at bars at closing time with said alcoholics, and it's not much fun if you ain't drinking along with them.

If you don't like the fact that I don't drink, or can't understand why someone wouldn't want to drink, and don't like me for that sole reason, then I'm sorry. That's your limitation, not mine. If you feel that I've “converted” others to not drinking, believe me, I have never, nor will I ever, force my beliefs on someone else. That's not me. If you have a problem with me, who I am or the way I live my life, then take it up with me and not with anyone whom I love or care for. Your beef's with me. Leave the ones I love out of it.

All I'm trying to say is...we all make choices in life. I made mine years ago, and I don't regret a single one. I decided what's best for me. Respect my choice. Don't hold it against anyone else. Figure out what you want out of life and go for it, and don't let anyone make that decision for you. Find what makes you happy.

I thank you for your time.

Recollection Phoenix: I

For those curious, the title of this series is taken from one of my favourite Willie Nelson songs.

Now then...

First, if you weren't aware, Phoenix, Arizona is in the middle of the desert. This means that it is hot. Wait. That deserves emphasis. It is HOT! I cannot emphasize this point enough.

Today, the high temperature reached 106. It's not supposed to dip below triple digits until next weekend, according to the forecasters, although it should already be cooling off by this point of September.

I think they kept the oven on too long with the back door open, but that's just me.

I arrived at Sky Harbor yesterday afternoon around lunchtime, even though my body and my stomach thought it was closer to dinner. I'd had a croissant and scone on the airplane (that cost me about as much as a regular meal, thanks to inflated airport costs), so I wasn't hungry and could go straight to the hotel and to work. To do that, however, I had to go get my rental car.

And what a rental I got this time. Dodge Charger. Fire engine red. It looks like it's moving even when its sitting still. Amazing car...Julie is so jealous, and I get to use the car for the next two weeks.

First property I visit, naturally, is only about 10 miles from the airport, so I can't unleash the beast just yet. The hotel is right in the heart of downtown, about a block from Chase Field and the convention center. Very nice place.

I do what I need to do for work, which takes all about an hour, and do the other stuff I need to do before calling it a work-day.

Decided I wanted pizza, but wasn't sure where to go and didn't feel like driving right then and there. The in-room menu listed a pizza place that delivered, so I gave them a call. After being put on hold for two minutes, my stomach wasn't very happy about waiting, and I hung up. Got the car keys and headed out into unfamiliar territory.

Let me say this: The Dodge Charger has power to spare.

Set my GPS to find the closest Target, the logic being where there's a Target, there's restaurants. After driving for a bit, found the place and started to look for food. This leads me to Zipps.

For being a non-drinker, I'm very at home at sports bar/restaurants. My years of eating at Primanti's is probably responsible for that, and this place had some excellent food, great atmosphere and wide-screen TVs with more sports than you probably care to watch. Naturally, I brought my Nook and read the whole time.

Came back to the hotel and watched a bit of the finals of America's Got Talent before going to bed at 8:30. I figure, relatively speaking, I was up since 2AM. You could say I was tired.

Work was work on Thursday, but after work, I went out for a walk.

First thing I noticed is that there weren't too many people out walking the streets of Phoenix. This shouldn't come as a surprise since it was, as I mentioned before, HOT!

Walked over to Chase Field, home to the Arizona Diamondbacks, who naturally are in Cincinnati this week. That's the way it works, y'know. I also walked over past the Arizona Science Museum and went in its gift shop to buy batteries for my dead camera. They were closing in 20 minutes, so I couldn't explore, but as Julie did say, I will be here for two weeks. I can pace myself.

Recollection Phoenix: Prelude

I'm in the last two weeks of my 42nd year on this planet.

Once again, sitting in an airport, I'm waiting to fly to Phoenix. For the next two weeks, I'll be there, working, living, and adventuring. I'll be away from Julie, but the hope is that my time will go quickly. Her sister lives out there. An old friend from my DeviantArt days lives out there. My cousin is a five hour drive away.

Mostly, I'll be there to work. Make money. Earn enough to pay for the wedding and my impending bankruptcy.

Survive and hope to thrive.

I am tired. Not from the travel, but physically tired. When one only gets at best six hours (and that's being generous) of sleep, it's understandable. Hopefully, I'll nap on the flight.

Jane, my boss, has more work lined up for me. Wonderful. I dislike being out of work. I'd rather be working, feel useful, than sit around and collect unemployment. Keep me busy, keep me going.

Driving down to the airport is always a blast, especially in the hours before dawn. I'm amazed at the number of people already on the highway headed into Chicago at 5:30AM. Business never sleeps, they say, and I guess the working cogs who keep the engines of business running never stop.

I like my job, the diversity and change of locations. The road is difficult, challenging. There are days I want to have the stability of going to the same place day in and day out, but there are times I'm happy going new places and seeing new people.

My flight just arrived at the gate but I'm not scheduled to board her for another hour, at least.

There are only two weeks left in my 42nd year, and I will be spending them in Phoenix, Arizona, away from my love, my home, my heart. This is where I am supposed to be, doing what I do best. I will just do what I need to do, let the weeks fly by, and return to my love.

And be 43.

TW3

If you don't know what TW3 means, see the end of this post.

I'm sitting in the Reno/Tahoe airport, waiting for the first leg of my trip back home. I'm headed to Denver, where I get a two-hour layover before headed back to O'Hare. Thankfully, I'll be behind security, so anyone whom I might've pissed off in the Denver area over the years will be unable to reach me.

It's been an interesting week. After announcing my revelations Monday, Julie is firmly convinced that I don't have a gambling problem (in fact, when she mentioned it to Jess, I understand Jess nearly fell off her chair laughing...it's comforting to know I can provide such entertainment for my family). Since I've already covered Monday, here's the rest of the week.

Tuesday evening, two days before payday and flat broke (I only worked a half-week the week prior, and that always causes problems), I took the hotel shuttle up to the Vegas Strip and walked around for a few hours. Crowded but not packed, noisy but not terribly so, it was a great evening. 

If you like to people watch (something I've learned to like over the years), Vegas is a great place to go. I saw two shows at the Bellagio's Flowers and Dancing Waters, the Volcano at the Mirage, and the gondolas at the Venetian. Add to that the people selling bottled water and the guys snapping cards with naked women, trying their best to give them to passers-by, it was a wonderful experience I'm glad I took advantage of.

I'd have kicked my butt if I'd missed it.

Wednesday was travel day. Left Vegas early after dropping off the rental car I didn't use (other than to drive to the hotel and back to the airport) for a flight to Reno...by way of Los Angeles. It was an odd feeling, flying into LAX. I've been there so many times, out to visit my family there, but this was the first time I've gone there alone...and after both my aunt and uncle passed away. Made me think of them, and My Kid, and how I hope they're having a good time together in whatever passes for the hereafter.

The layover there wasn't too bad. Spent the last $2 to my name before Thursday's payday to buy a couple granola bars. Figured they were good, solid food that would hold me, and they did a good job of it. Rest of the day would be spent living off the fat I've stored up over the years.

The irony of spending three days in Vegas without any money did not go unnoticed by me.

Left LAX for Reno in a...tiny...jet. I'm a big guy. It's a small plane, so small, my head touched the ceiling in the center of the cabin. Julie was sure the plane was gonna go down...

A very short flight (43 minutes) later, and I'm landing in Reno. It's gorgeous there. I especially love the garage at the rental car location: I spent a good half-hour there waiting for my rental car.

My office provides me with a rental when I'm out of town, and they arranged to have a mid-sized waiting for me...or so would have been the plan had it not been for a big rib cook-off in town and Burning Man nearby. Their supply of cars was, shall we say, limited.

The one guy working at the pickup/dropoff station was swamped, so he called for help. A couple managers came out, and one proceeded to help me, by giving me the first car available: A Chevy Equinox.

I love that car. Never thought I'd be that much in love with an SUV, but it handles great, it's good on gas, and it's a geek's dream. It had so many cool toys...

Better not go any further in this. If on the off chance I can ever afford a new car, I don't want Julie to think it's too geeky.

The trip to the hotel was quick. Reno is very easy to navigate, at least in the Summer. I'll get into that more later.

Wednesday was mostly over when I got there, so I just did what I needed to do for work and proceeded to spend the evening in the room. Being broke didn't help, but I knew Thursday was going to be a different day...and it would be payday.

I finished early on Thursday, and wondered what to do to entertain myself. Talking to the guys at the hotel, they told me that the rib cook-off was the place to be. I was hungry (not having solid food for a day, pretty much) and figured it was fate, shining down on me. I went in search of barbecue, ribs and meat!

Believe me, I found meat.

The rib cook off is held in Victoria Square, right near the Nugget hotel and casino. It's a big street fair, and even though it was in the 90's, it didn't seem that hot. Amazing what a complete lack of humidity can do, and how comfortable 94 degrees can feel.

I walked around, savoring the scents of burning wood, spices and flavorings when I saw my lunch, dinner and midnight snack all rolled up in one: The Porkinator. It was so amazing, I took a picture of the goodness:

Imagine, if you will: Pulled pork, ham, four strips of bacon and pepper jack cheese. It was the best sammich I've found West of the Mississippi, and it was delicious. I sent Julie that picture. She said it was a heart attack waiting to happen.

The rib cook-off is part food festival and part street fair. As hot as it was, it was comfortable to be walking around. I checked out the booths and the vendors but didn't find much worth getting. I did get my love a t-shirt, and found a pin for myself. I've got this thing for pins...

After wandering around there for a bit, I walked back to the car with a full stomach and a need for a little adventure. Took Interstate 80 back toward the hotel, but stayed on the highway. I wanted to see a little of the high desert, the highway, the life up there.

First thing I noticed were the signs, shortly after leaving the city limits, that said "when flashing, put chains on tires". This tells me the must get a lot of snow up there. I made a mental note that, should we decide to return to Reno for a vacation, we must not go in the Winter.

Drove for about an hour before deciding to head back...which took longer than I expected. Heading West back to Reno, I could see smoke in the distance. I knew there was a fire ahead, but what I didn't realize was that it was on the highway!

A semi caught fire. The trailer looks like it separated from the cab, and totaled it. It was bad, but what was worse was watching the fire trucks trying to come up from behind me and unable to get through. I pulled over the best I could, the fire trucks got through, and put out the blaze.

Here's how it looked after the fire was put out:

No one was hurt, thankfully. I made it back to the hotel and called it a night shortly thereafter.

Which leads me to today, and the plane which I'm about to board. Going home, back to my love, for a week and a half...which will be followed by two very, very long weeks away from her, in Phoenix, where I won't be coming home on the weekends...

Oh, and FYI: TW3 stands for "That Was The Week That Was".

rev·e·la·tion

It's Monday night, August 30. 7:15PM, Pacific Daylight Time.

Yeah, I wrote Pacific time. It's because I'm out West in Las Vegas.

Save the "oohs" and "ahhs". All things being equal, I'd rather be back in DeKalb.

Now before you go and call whatever psychological counselor you believe I may need, hear me out.

I think I may have a problem. I think I have a gambling addiction.

I spent $50 in a local casino tonight and have nothing to show for it. Scratch that. I got a free t-shirt for joining the casino's players club. Whoo. Hoo.

My financial situation is bleaker than bleak these days. I owe a few people a lot of money, to the point I'm likely going to take legal action to come to a resolution. I'm getting married next year, and I should be saving every extra penny I have for that wedding, so I can marry the most amazing woman I know. Yet what do I do? I go play the slots, and I don't have a damn thing to show for it.

I know I have an obsessive personality. I have that little voice inside me that says, "Oh, go and play one more game. You'll get it this time. One more pull...you'll win this time". Nevermind that I have to eat this week, I need to lose weight anyway. Nevermind that there's likely gonna be an extra charge that I have to pay (probably get reimbursed, but that ain't the point) for bringing a suitcase!

I had to go play in the damn casino.

It's been 28 years since I've been in Vegas. When I was 14, we drove across country, and met up with The Kid's sister in Vegas before heading down to her and my Uncle's place in the Valley. She flew into Las Vegas International airport, and if you've ever been to this city, you know there's slot machines everywhere, including the airport. Well, My Kid put a few quarters into one and didn't win anything. I walk up, put in one quarter (even though I was seriously underaged) and won five bucks.

That hooked me.

Tonight, I'm remove those hooks once and for all. I'm not entering another casino. I can't do it anymore. I have to draw the line.

If it's just me, Hell, I don't care. I can waste all my money inside one of those places.

But it ain't just me anymore. I have a woman who loves me and whom I love more than anything else.

So, yeah, I'm in Las Vegas, but I'll be spending most of my time here in my room. I'm not gonna go out. It's a temptation, and I believe there's a line somewhere that goes "lead us not into temptation". Damn Catholic upbringing. ;)

Maybe if Julie was with me, I'd be willing to go wander, see the sights, take my camera and shoot this incredible city. Enjoy it the way I should be enjoying it. But I'm by myself, and I know I can't trust myself here. Not yet.

Hello. My name is Eric, and I have a problem. But I'm gonna do something about it.

It's Nature's Way of telling you something's wrong...

You've probably heard of the comic book character Spider-Man.

One of his super-powers is "Spider Sense", a precognitive sensation which warns him of impending danger. I doubt that real spiders have this ability. If they did, they wouldn't be squashed quite so easily.

It's my firm belief that we all have some form of "spider sense", warning us when there's a problem, we're in danger, or we've just eaten something really nasty and will be spending the next 20 minutes on the shitter and have, as my love calls it, burning buttholeitis.

It seems somehow fitting that my own early warning system comes in the form of a song, which starts to play on an endless loop in my head. Naturally, it's a song you've no doubt ever heard before, given that it's by a group whose popularity waned after the 70's. Spirit wrote a song called Nature's Way, and the chorus get's stuck in my head just like Spider-Man's "spider sense" goes off. Alas, there's no wavy lines emanating from my skull and half my face doesn't turn into a mask.


It's nature's way of telling you something's wrong
It's nature's way of telling you in a song
It's nature's way of receiving you
It's nature's way of retrieving you
It's nature's way of telling you
Something's wrong

That song was stuck in my head for the longest time close to three years ago, until I realized something was wrong then, and did something about it. For the last few days, it's been there again...

I mentioned in my last blog that I was having car problems. My car isn't very happy at the moment: It sputters and chokes whenever you turn it on, doesn't have too much power pulling out and the service engine soon light is blinking. It's been on for awhile: One of the O2 sensors has needed replaced. We knew about that, but this is something completely new.

Normally, I'd have Travis or Matt look at the car. They're both excellent car guys and I trust them with the old girl, but right now, I'm 250 miles from home in the middle of Indiana.

I'm the first to admit, I have more than my fair share of fears, worries and concerns. One of my oldest fears is being trapped somewhere and not able to make it home. I've had that one since I was a little kid. One night, while at Monroeville Mall...I couldn't have been more than 4 or 5...we were there at closing time and they were announcing over the PA system that the mall was closing in five minutes.

I started to panic. I remember pulling at My Kid's hand (long before role reversal would take effect) telling her we had to hurry or else we'd get locked in and not make it home. She just laughed a little and said they wouldn't lock us in.

Years later, we were out shopping and on our way home on the other side of the river when we heard on the radio that barges had broken loose near the Braddock Dam. They were flowing freely down the river, hitting bridge abutments, and the police started to close the bridges to traffic, in case they would do some damage.

I told Mum that we had to get across to "our" side of the river no matter what. She drove like a madwoman (part of my road rage comes from her...the rest of it from my brother, but that's another story for another time) through traffic passing two bridges that had already closed before reaching a third, moments before police shut it down. I never mentioned to her my irrational fear. She just did what I asked, not questioning, just doing.

I know home wouldn't be going anywhere, deep down inside. The rational portion of my brain understand and accepts this as fact. However, fears are never rational.

The possibility exists that my car may...or perhaps will...break down at some point on my 250 mile journey back home today, leaving me stranded in the middle of God-knows-where, unable to get home.

Julie knows about this, and has told me that if it does happen, she and Travis will come get me.

It's the thought that I won't be able to make it home on my own, that there's a bit of unpredictability, that scares the shit out of me.

It's a little after 8 in the morning. Right now, I'm going to the lobby and have some breakfast. One of the advantages of this job is, when I'm staying at the hotel to work, they comp my room and I get free breakfast (as well as Internet) out of the deal. I'll eat, check in with the hotel staff to ensure everything's working properly, come back to the room, pack my last few things away, change into jeans, check out, and go to the car.

That much is certain. That much is guaranteed.

After that...I don't know what's going to happen. Maybe the car won't start, having chugged the last couple days here in Kokomo, and decided to do the right thing and die before I try and get on the road. Maybe it'll try to make it into the intersection and stop in a most inconvenient spot. There's no interstate between Kokomo and Lafayette, where I get on 65 to head North. It's all country road. Maybe it'll stop there, or stop when while I'm on the interstate.

Maybe it'll make it home, but somehow, Nature's Way is telling me that's not going to happen.

Kokomo

It's Wednesday morning, and I'm sitting in a Starbucks in Kokomo, Indiana.

Been thinking a lot lately about this job, the one that takes me so far from home.

When I was growing up, I always thought it would be cool to have a job where I'd be spending night after night in a hotel. Mind you, I thought it'd be working for some travel agency as a secret reviewer or some such, visiting hotels undercover to review their services.

If I was in my 20's, this would be a great job. Different cities every other night, life on the road, living out of a suitcase, no family, nothing to hold me down or keep me in one place.

Yet in less than two months, I turn 43. I'm not a kid anymore. I hear my knees pop and crack and feel the years in my bones. I know I'm getting older (let's not go into those old fears now, shall we), and this living on the road thing, while exciting at first, is getting old.

I have a home. I have a family. I have people who love me and care about me (even if they won't admit it, but that's cool). I miss being around them and being over 250 miles from them isn't where I want to be.

Then there's the issue of my car. My old Saturn is getting older and, given my financial situation (more on that at some point...not today) the odds of getting a new or used car is highly unlikely. I put more oil in her than is in the Gulf, I swear, and it seems like new problems pop up every week or so. What can I do? She rolled over 160,000 miles the other day.

This project won't last forever, I know this. Seems like this is gonna be the hardest part right now. This week, Lafayette and Kokomo. Next week, Evansville, IN, over 5 hours from home, and before August ends, I'll be out on the West Coast.

I can't quit (although I almost did yesterday...frustration over work almost had me call my boss and say I was walking away mid-install). It's a paying job and we need the money and I have no other prospects on the horizon. I still apply for jobs on a daily basis, only to hear nothing in return or else get the (rare) rejection letter.

Julie's frustrated as well. She's tired of me being away all week. Last week, she was off for two days, and I was close enough to home that I was able to sneak her away and hide her in the hotel with me. It was so nice, having her there, being able to spend time with her. That was the rarity, however...most of the time she can't come and I can't go home to be with her during the week because I'm just too far away.

I'm tired and I'm frustrated and I'm alone and I'm taking it out here in words because there isn't any other way for me to vent my frustrations.

I want nothing more than to have a job, a simple job, close to home, one that will pay the bills and maybe give us a little cash left over at the end of the week to maybe go see a movie or do something together as a family. I've learned I don't need much out of life. I want to live a simple life where I can sleep in on the weekend a little, spend time with my family and the woman I love.

Right now, I can't do that. I'm on the road, and the road is a cruel mistress. It's a dual-edged sword: Seeing new places, experiencing new things, can be a wonderful thing. I never thought I could say "I'm writing this from Kokomo". I never thought I'd see some of the places I've seen given what I do. There is a bit of an explorer in me, a wanderer (much like a certain character I once created). Despite my frustrations, I'm incredibly thankful for this job, this opportunity.

Yet the road takes me away from where I belong. I hear the call of the road, and I have to answer, with a heavy heart. Sure, I have my music and my laptop and places with free wi-fi and free hotels and breakfast every morning, and...

As I said, if I was a man of 20, of 30, with no obligations or family, this would be perfect for me.

I am not 20. I am not 30. I'm growing older...something I have accepted reluctantly...and this is not where I want to be.

I want to be home.

Comments are disabled for this post. I needed to rant. Thank you for just listening.

Stone(s), Part II

They say a picture's worth a thousand words. We'll see how many I can get into this post.

The above picture you see if Julie's Gallbladder...and the lone stone that was inside.

The surgery went well. She was in the OR Monday for about a half hour, in recovery for another 45 minutes before she was wheeled back to the room where Jess, Curtis and I were waiting. Jess had to leave after a few minutes, leaving me with Julie...who was in a lot of pain. They tried to give her morphine into the IV drip, but it was to no avail. Only after consulting with the anesthesiologist and giving her dopamine was she able to sleep. She slept for about 3 hours before they let her go home.

Yep. Laparoscopic Cholecystemectomy is considered outpatient surgery, kids.

The first couple days have been hard for her. I sincerely doubt she expected the level of pain this would cause, but then, having part of your insides removed will have that effect. Still, as her brother put it, she did lose weight.

Every day she's a little better. She's still having trouble bending and standing for extended periods. She's off work for the week: Originally, she was supposed to go back this (Friday) afternoon, but given her level of pain, she called work and they agreed she should take the weekend.

I'm thankful my boss was understanding enough to let me take the week off, and another tech was able to take my installs in San Antonio. Yeah, it would've been cool to see the city (never been there), but maybe some day.

Julie and I thank everyone for the kind words, prayers and well-wishes. They've meant a lot. The hardest part for her, now, is the diet change. Without the gallbladder containing the bile, everything flows straight into the liver and that means she'll have to watch what she eats. Try to maintain a low-fat diet. Nothing to greasy or spicy lest she have to run to the bathroom.

Everything will be fine, though. My love is a strong woman. I'm just glad I've been here to help her. She is my heart, my angel. There's nowhere else I'd rather be but by her side.

For the record, this post contains 394 words. Okay, so it's not a thousand. I'll try harder in the future.

My first strike

One thing I've wanted to do for some time is get a picture of lightning.
Until now, it's been as elusive as...well...lightning itself.

Tonight, there was a storm north of DeKalb. I thought I'd get the camera and tripod out and try (again).

Most of the pictures were, eh. This one, however...this was the winner.

It's a little bright (I was playing with the settings), but it came out, and that's all that matters. It made me happy, and I wanted to share it with you.

Stones

This post does not contain any Neil Diamond lyrics.

The extended weekend in Pittsburgh was great. We all had a good time (as evident by the video in my last post). We got back home late Sunday night, and it wasn't long before Julie and I went to bed.

Sometime around 2 in the morning, I noticed Julie wasn't in bed. I saw a light upstairs, and figured she had trouble sleeping. I didn't want to disturb her: I know when she's not feeling good to let her have some time to herself, although I'd rather be sitting with her if only to be supportive.

She came back to bed later and apologized for waking me up. I asked what was wrong, and she told me she had a bad stomachache, one that kept her up all night. She hadn't slept.

The pain was about an 8 on a scale of 1 to 10. Nothing helped, not even the Pepto, which she didn't like because of the cherry flavor. She prefers the traditional minty, chalky taste.

I stayed up with her, trying to comfort her (even though she didn't want me to touch her most of the time). I kept asking her if she wanted to go to the hospital (which she loathes), and she kept telling me no.

Finally, around 5, with neither of us getting any sleep and the pain not getting any better, I told her to get dressed. We're going to the emergency room. I knew it was bad because she finally agreed with me.

We got there and found out (after not too long a wait) the problem: Gall stones.

Seems she has a 1.7cm (that's BIG) stone near the neck of the gall bladder. It wasn't blocking the opening, nor had it caused an infection, but it was still bad. They gave her some medication to make the pain go away, two more days off of work (doctor's orders), a couple prescriptions and instructions to call a surgeon to see how to proceed.

I had to get back on the road, back to work, later that morning, so I did the necessary running around while Julie stayed home to rest (although that was limited: She and Hailey were watching the Bub). I got everything done that needed to be done (mostly) and got back to work.

This week, I'm close to Chicago and right near the Illinois/Wisconsin border. Close enough to home that I can make it there if needed, thankfully, but next week, I'm supposed to be in San Antonio.

Well, the San Antonio plan has been canceled, or at least, given to another technician. Julie and Jess went to the surgeon earlier today, and she was told she needed surgery. Next Monday, they're removing her gall bladder.

I told Julie I was going to be there, and she told me I didn't have to. Foolish woman. Like any job would keep me from being there when she needs me. Yeah, it'll mean I'm not gonna make any money next week, but I don't care. Being there for the woman I love is the most important thing to me.

Like I could be that far away from her when she needs me the most. Sorry, Charlie. Ain't gonna happen.

There's a story behind this little piece of insanity...



While Julie, Hailey and I were in Pittsburgh, Jessica texted us that we had a game weekend...a scavenger hunt!

We had to go around and find things (get a bottle of water from the river, a stranger's autograph, a photo with a stranger, etc.). One of the things was to order a pizza with a smiley face on it.

Now, my buddy Tim makes the most amazing pizzas. Seriously. They're completely from scratch and they are better than most pizza joints.

So we ordered a pizza from him. Jess didn't specify where we had to order it from.

We sent her a picture of the pizza, but for the fun of it, we also shot a video...

Surprises abound

By the time you're reading this, Julie, Hailey and I will be in Pittsburgh.

We were supposed to go to the race this year, but we couldn't afford the tickets. I realize it's gonna be a small consolation, but I surprised her Wednesday afternoon with packed bags (with Hailey's help) and a loaded car to make the eight-and-a-half hour drive.

Also, I didn't tell my buddy Tim that we were coming either. His lovely wife, Connie was my accomplice in this.

We'll be back in a few days. For now, it's sammiches, Vinnie Pie, the best wings ever and dessert...oh, and maybe a little fun too!

Late night thoughts from Quincy, IL.

It's about 20 to 11 as I start to type this. I'm tired yet not ready to fall asleep tired yet, so I figured it's the perfect time to blog.

Random thoughts from a non-linear mind.

* The bridesmaid dresses are picked out. Julie and the girls went down this week and got 'em. They're Victorian Lilac in color, which will look lovely. This Monday, Jess, the boys and I are going to Men's Warehouse to talk tuxedos. We're thinking having the men wear a shade darker, bit more purple than the girls. It'll make a nice contrast. Julie is worried that I'll pick something ugly/geeky/tacky to wear. She needn't worry. I know what I want, and the tails will be quite fetching. ;)

* While I've been away this week, Julie's been trying to get parts of the house in some semblance of order. It's been...daunting...to say the least, but she's done a pretty good job. My old place is about 98% cleaned out, with just a few things left. I'll help get the stuff out tomorrow, have a walk through with my landlord and take it from there.

I must admit, I'm a bit nervous about the walkthrough. Maybe that's why I've had some trouble sleeping this past week. I've never done this before, and I have no idea what to expect. What does it entail? If there's a problem, what happens? It's not like I've been there much for the past six months, but it's got me a little...nervous. Before you go and leave a comment to tell me what to expect, I'll just say "thanks but no worries". Odds are, I won't see the comments until after the walkthrough's done. I've gotta get up early tomorrow and drive for over 4 hours to get home...

* This past weekend, Julie (I love her so damn much) took care of something for me that's been long overdue. She burned up some of Mum's old papers.

We went through her collection of old bills (some of them dating back to 1960). Partially, it was a trip through time. Partially, we were looking to see if there was anything hidden in the papers (there wasn't). After we checked everything, she put them in the grill late Sunday night and lit the fire.

It was fascinating to watch. I grabbed my camera (geek) and took some pics, which I still haven't checked out yet. There were so many bills that she didn't get to finish, and the fire was still burning when we covered the grill and called it a night.

The other day while we were talking (when you're so far away from the one you love, what else can you do?), she told me she cleaned out the grill, to get ready for the next batch. All the papers were burnt...except for one. There was a heart-shaped stamp on it, and it said "love".

Guess The Kid had to tell me one last time she loved me. Thanks, Mama.

* I've gotta stop at Wally World when I get home. Need a few things, like plumber's tape. I took down the shower massage head from my old place and have to put it up in our bathroom. Julie will, no doubt, go "whatever", but Hailey seemed to like it. Lemme tell ya: There's nothing better on aching muscles in the shower than a nice pulsating massage.

* I bought a handheld video camera earlier this week off of Woot. It's a refurbished model that I didn't pay a lot of money for, thinking we could get someone to shoot the video of the wedding. It came today, and Julie and Cory were playing with it. They said it looked great on the little screen, but was a little choppy on her laptop. Could be one of a number of problems: Her laptop needs a little TLC, if I can ever find the time to work on it. I'll see what it looks like this weekend, and how it looks on a real operating system (Ubuntu).

* No work next week. Whenever there's a holiday, there's no installs scheduled for that week. Yeah, it's a week off, but no work = no pay. It should be okay, however. We've got plenty of things to do to, and a surprise or two planned...

Okay, it's a couple minutes to 11. I have to try and get some sleep. Gotta get up early. Got a long drive ahead of me, and loving arms I can't wait to hold me tomorrow.

G'nite, kids. Just remember...if someone loves you, they'll let you know they love you. No matter what.

Help-less

I feel bad.

I'm in St. Louis. Have been all week. Of course, I'm here when it's hot and humid, but from what I'm hearing, that's a typical Summer here. Heat, I can deal with a little. Humidity, on the other hand, drains the very life from me.

But I digress. The humidity's not why I feel bad.

Y'see, for years, I was used to doing everything. If something had to be done, there was no one else gonna do it but me. I took care of Mum for all those years pretty much on my own. When I went to leave Pittsburgh, I packed up the whole house, no thanks to my family. Tim, bless him, helped me when no one else would, but really, I was on my own.

When I got out here, I found a family who was willing to help me. It still, to this day, blows my mind. Family who help? Family who'll come over and help? This is such a foreign concept to me.

Julie is up in DeKalb, trying to clear out space in her home for me to move in. My place, such as it is, has to be packed, and either put into storage or moved to her place. Since I've been out of town working, that's meant we've only had the weekends to do this.

I'm thankful for the job and the paycheck. It's a good job...I love it, save for the distance from home.

And it drives me a little batshit crazy to know that Julie's up there moving me into her place. She's taking care of me. Me! The guy who's done it himself has help.

This is a different concept for me. Whatever did I do to deserve this?

This weekend's gonna be busy. We've got to take Kadie Madison to the vet when I get home. We're taking Hailey and her friend Rachel to see Toy Story 3. We've got a garage sale and a graduation party to go to. We've got to clean out the last of the crap from my townhouse and move it into storage and/or Julie's...our...home before I leave Monday morning. Again.

Did I mention that I told my landlord I'd be out by the end of the month? Hm.

I'm sitting in a hotel in St. Louis, looking out the window at the cars speeding up and down I-64. They're moving fast, but Julie's going faster, and I seem to be crawling. I can only apologize so much for not being there to help. She'd tell me it's all right, but to me it's not. There's a part of me that's not used to the help.

When I leave here tomorrow morning, I'm not going back to Julie's place. I'm going home.

Missing

Something to post, since I've nothing to add at the moment.

One of my favourite songs. Everything But the Girl's Missing. Enjoy.