September 29, 1967

Here's the truth: I hate my birthday.

Only those closest to me know the date. It's protected on Facebook, and I've done my level best to restrict the knowledge of it everywhere else. The majority of my co-workers don't know when it is, and those that do know that not only do I not celebrate it, I don't even like to talk about it. 

I'm pretty passionate about it, but no one knows why. Since the 45th anniversary of my day of arrival on this orb has arrived (I buried this article, written in 2012, way back in my archives so it wouldn't be found), I guess I can talk about it now. 

I had a good childhood. Not many friends, but I had a couple, and they were around for a party and cake and presents and the what-not. At least, that's what the pictures tells me. Don't remember much about those days, and it doesn't really bother me that much. Only thing I do remember was this balloon I had; an orange kangaroo named Hoppy. It was a birthday thing. It was something My Kid got, I guess, when I was a baby and it was tradition to get it out and blow it up and put it on the table. Hoppy's long gone, but it's the one memory I still have. 

As I got older, birthdays became more of a family thing. My older brothers, all moved out and on their own now, would come over and we'd have cake, ice cream...you know, the usual. Mum insisted they come over on my birthday, not the weekend before or after, but that day. A birthday, to her, wasn't a holiday that you could celebrate any other time. Birthdays were meant to be celebrated on your day of birth. 

That was the case, at least, until I turned 12. My birthday was on a Saturday, which conflicted with The Big Game (Panthers were playing someone, dunno who, at Pitt Stadium) and my brothers decided the game was more important that my birthday. They went to it and came over to the house Sunday. It was at that point, I decided, I didn't want any more parties, didn't want to celebrate it, didn't even want to acknowledge the day. You had something better to do, go do it. 

I wonder sometimes if that's part of the reason why I loathe football. No, wait. It's because football is slow, boring, and only good for putting me to sleep. That's why I hate football. 

After that, Mum tried to do something for my birthday, but it wasn't the same. No parties. No cake. I didn't want anything to do with the day. 

I tried to have some friends over my 21st, but since I don't drink, it was kinda boring for them. Looking back at it, it was more just an evening with friends hanging out over at my place (something else that happened very rarely as I got older). We had pizza, sat around and talked and didn't do much else. 

My birthday, to me, became a quiet day of reflection. If I could, I'd take the day off work, claiming I was sick or just in need of a day off. For close to 20 years, no one knew of the day. Mum, bless her, tried to do something for me. We'd end up going out to dinner someplace, but as she was getting older, even that fell by the wayside. 

Then she got...bad. Onset of Alzheimer’s. Dementia. She had to be institutionalized while I tried to find a nursing home that could take care of her, because I'd done all I could. 

On my 39th birthday, I stopped by the hospital after work, as I'd done for nearly two months by this point, to spend some time with her. For whatever reason, the nurse was making notes on her sheet, and she asked what day it was. I told her. Mum sat there, and started mumbling the date, wondering why it was so important.

I told her it was just another day. The last thing I wanted was for her to remember it was my birthday and feel bad, somewhere in her mind or heart, that she was there and could do nothing for me.  If she would've thought about it, and remembered what day it was...the pain would've been too much for both of us.

When I turned 40, I was...seeing someone. I was never in a relationship with someone on my birthday, believe it or not. There was a very dear friend whom I loved, but did not love me, that I would go out with (strictly as friends) on my birthday, but the best I ever got was when I kissed her on the cheek. In fact, she'd blown me off several times, so I'd hoped I could spend what I considered a milestone (40 is kinda impressive, I think) with someone who loved me.

Won't go into details. Let's just leave it at...I was alone that night, as usual. Once again, my birthday was just another day.

When that relationship ended, I'd sworn that I would live the rest of my life alone. Kept that promise too, for all of about six months, before I'd met Julie.

My angel.

It's one of life's little ironies, but our birthdays are eight days apart. Same year, same month, separated by only a few days. I think that's incredible. Our first year together, we decided to go to Lake Geneva the weekend between our birthdays, just the two of us, for an overnight. It was an amazing weekend, even if I didn't get the most amazing pizza in the world. (That's another story for another time.)

That year, I spent it with Julie. Best damn birthday I'd had in a long, long time.

Shortly after that, I'd moved out here to DeKalb, out of the only home I'd ever known into my own apartment. It was just down the street from her. A little while later, I got a job (out of work for a year and a half...yadda, yadda, yadda...that story's elsewhere, go look it up) and was coming home from work on my 41st birthday to a surprise party, thrown by my stepdaughter.

It was the first surprise party anyone ever threw for me.

That following year, I was in Phoenix for my birthday, flying home after being away for two weeks. Naturally, we had to go to Applebees for dinner, where everyone was waiting.

These days, the kids know...or at least, they used to know...when my birthday was. Sometimes they get a little too wrapped up in their lives to remember my day, but that's okay. I don't expect anything from them, and I don't say that in a bad way. They've got their own lives to lead, and their own bills to pay. Save their money for themselves. If they think of me that day...which would probably constitute a miracle...I'd be okay.

Julie will wish me a happy birthday several times that day, even though this year, she'll have to work that night. S'okay. I'll be there when she gets off work, and we can sleep in the next morning. To be by her side makes me happier than anything.

Some of the friends I have on Facebook will post something to my page, but those who've known me longer will know all I ask them to post is a smile. Back in my DeviantArt days, I asked my friends there not to wish me a “happy birthday”, but just put a smile on my page. All I wanted is, if they thought about me, I'd hope it'd bring a smile to their faces, and just share that smile with someone else. That was good enough for me.

So now you know. Now maybe you'll understand why I hate, loathe, detest and ignore that day. I'll let it pass quietly as I start another year. If you happen to read this, and know when my birthday is, and you want to wish me something, just smile. That's all. Share a smile and I'll be happy.

After all, as Paul said, it's just another day.

41

Yanno, I sat here, wrote something incredibly deep and so full of bullshit that even I had to look at it and go...screw that.

It's a day. I'm gonna spend it with the woman I love.

The 40th year is over. Time to move on. Let's go have some fun.

Oh, and yes, I changed the color of the blog. It's blue. I like blue.
Don't read anything more to it than that...it's just something a little...different.

Nothin' wrong with different.

Poor little puppy...

Over at my flickr page, I posted this shot of Julie's dog.. I love this shot so much, and I wanted to blog the story behind the shot.

Kadie Madison is a chihuahua-shih tzu mix. She's totally lovable, extremely playful, and a bed hog. Yes, this little dog somehow manages to take up more of the bed than everyone else in the house, myself included. She loves to snuggle, and has almost pushed me out of bed on more than one occasion.

Yesterday, she had an appointment with the groomer. Julie's kids have been trying for some time to get their mom to have Kadie groomed, and get the hair out of her eyes. Finally relenting, the appointment was made, and a very nervous and scared little Kadie was left with the groomers to get "prettied up".

After a couple hours (and a nervous mother and daughter...the latter wanting her little puppy back home), Kadie was ready to be picked up.

We went over to the groomers and got the little angel, all trimmed, hair out of her eyes, looking like a little puppy all over again. The ride home, she leaned against my chest (nowhere near as hard as she did when we were leaving her there...she was pushing with all her might against, not wanting to be left there), and walking into the house, she seemed...lethargic.

This little dog has a lot of energy. She's very playful, happy to toss around a ball or bite my fingers and growl (playing, of course...I call her the "ferocious little beast" when we play). Yesterday, though, she didn't want to do anything. I tried to take her for a walk and she didn't want to move.

I shot this photo on the porch of the house. She looked so pathetic! I love how the background of the photo's overexposed. It emphasizes Kadie, I think, and the look in her eyes...

It wasn't until Julie got home from work and told me it was the bandanna around her neck that she was upset over. When they first put a collar on her as a puppy, she moped around for almost four days before getting over it.

Julie took the bandanna off, and the happy, playful little dog returned.

Right now, Kadie's waiting for me in the other room, waiting for someone to go play with her. I think I'll go see if she wants to be a "ferocious little beast" and have some fun...

These are the days of our lives

I intended to sit here and blog a little this morning.
Then Kadie, Julie's dog, came in and wanted to play.

I've better things to do than sit here and blog right now.
I'll be back later.

Until then...I think Freddy Mercury said it best...

A little waterlogged, but none the worse for wear

Thursday night, 9:20PM CDT.
DeKalb, IL.

I left Pittsburgh Monday before the dawn. Woke up around 2:30 and could not go back to sleep, so I figured...might as well get ready and go.

The trip was uneventful, but gorgeous. I kinda like driving that hour of the morning: Few idiots, and few state police, on the highway. Although it was raining when I left PA, the skies cleared and I was Driving With the Moon again. Always nice to go for a ride with the moon lighting my way, this time, leading me to my love.

The rains from Ike that hit the Midwest made for some interesting moments. Usually, I bypass the heart of Chicago, taking 80/94 to the South and coming up 294 before I hit the East/West Tollway, but 80/94 was closed due to flooding. I was amazed that the entire roadway was closed...and also a bit lost. I'd only ever gone the one way, and here I was going on unfamiliar roads.



Thankfully, I had a rough idea where I was going. When Julie and I spent the weekend in Toledo, she didn't take my turn-off, and went through the heart of the city. She called me for directions, and I had a Triptik in the glove compartment (long story for another blog) how to get there. I talked her through it then, and remembered the directions.

It did add a good hour travel time, however. I'm just thankful I didn't have to go through Chicago during peak rush hour. How folks make it on those roads is beyond me.

When I did make it to DeKalb, it was right before she left work. Mind you, when Julie called me earlier, I sorta...fibbed...on where I was, telling her I was about two hours behind where I was actually was. I pulled into the parking lot at her Target just as she and her team were coming out the door. Rolled down the window and told her "Excuse me, I'm looking for some help finding something..."

To say she was surprised and happy to see me was an understatement.

It's been nice these last few days. I've sent in a bunch of resumes and applications for work out here. Haven't heard anything yet, but I'm hopeful.

Tomorrow's going to be game night here. I've heard stories of the game nights held here at the Williams household in the past, and I'm looking forward to it. Julie's stressing a little: She wants the house to look a certain way before company arrives, and I fear I might've been a...distraction. I know it'll be last minute, but tomorrow, whatever I can do to help clean, I will.

I think I shocked her a little this evening when I washed the dishes in the sink...

This weekend, Julie and I are going to Lake Geneva for a getaway, just the two of us. It's going to be...romantic...I believe. We're both looking forward to getting up early, getting on the road, and just spending some "us" time together.

The more time I spend with her, the harder it is for me to leave here. Hopefully, I'll find work out here, find a place to live (no, I'm not going to move in with Julie just yet) and spend more time with my love and my family.

It's been...amazing, and I believe the best is yet to come.

Sunday morning blogging

I've been up for about two hours now.

Sunday morning have always been quiet times for me. When The Kid was home, I'd get up early to take her to church (she always wanted to go to the early service...7AM early). I'd drive her to the church (right around the corner from the house, but with her bad feet and bad eyesight, it was easier for me to drive her), come home and shower. By the time I was done (as Julie will tell you, I take more time in the bathroom than she does), church would be over. I'd go get her, and we'd go out for breakfast and grocery shopping.

These days, I sleep in a little later. Get up, still take too much time in the bathroom, and come downstairs for a bit of breakfast (this morning, cereal, but some days I'll make microwave pancakes and sausage on the Foreman grill), and ease into the Sunday slowly.

Around lunchtime, I'll get in the car and drive out to check on The Kid. Usually, by the time I get there, they've put her down in bed for an afternoon nap (they get her up around 6, and usually after lunch, she's a little tired, even if she refuses to admit it). I sometimes have them get her up, or I'll pull up the chair next to the bed and visit.

At least, that's what I've done.

Tomorrow, I leave for three weeks with Julie. With any luck, I'll find a job out there, and I'll start the process of moving out to be closer to her.

My life until now had been dull, boring and routine. Not any longer.

I'd always known (and I've mentioned it here in the pages of this blog) that my 40th year on this planet would bring changes to my life. I just never realized how big those changes would be.

The 40th year is drawing to a close. Yeah, that day is almost upon us. Julie said to me last night that she thinks I want to make more of a big deal of it than I'm saying. Honestly, it'll be nice (and different) to spend my birthday with someone who loves me. I've tried to do that before, and it hasn't worked out too well.

It's been a very long time since I've celebrated a birthday. When I was 16, my brothers blew off my birthday because they had tickets to a football game. There was no party, no celebration, no nothing. After that, I decided I didn't want another party. Acknowledge the day, as I've long told my friends, and then let's move on.

It used to frustrate My Kid because she wanted to do something, anything, for my birthday. I told her no cake, no presents, nothing. I just wanted to take the day off work, sleep in, and maybe go out for a nice dinner. That's all. She'd try and find something silly for me, and I appreciated it. I knew how hard it was for her to do or get anything.

On my 39th birthday, she was in the mental hospital. I went up to visit with her, but I told the staff not to tell her it was my birthday...I didn't want her remembering or feeling bad because she couldn't do anything for me, not that she could. She was coming out of therapy when I came in to see her. A nurse was writing a report and asked what's the date. I said it, and The Kid said "why does that sound familiar". I told her it wasn't important...it wasn't anything special.

This year, we'll do the same. It'll be just another day. Acknowledge it and move on.

I'll be spending it with the woman I love. Maybe we'll go out for dinner. Maybe I'll just get an extra long hug from her. Doesn't matter. All I want is to be with her.

Hm. Not sure where this all came from. Just started typing and it poured out. Maybe these are things I needed to say.

They're said now. I think I'll disable comments for this post. Just accept this for what it is...

Quick Geek Notes for a Friday.

I love Gizmodo. For a geek, it's almost like Heaven.

They've got so many interesting finds, geeky things that I find interesting, and they have fun writing about them. I mean, when they covered the Phillips company...you know, those guys who make the sonic toothbrushes...making vibrators and referring to them as "soniccooch", ya just gotta love it.

They also posted an article about a toaster that scans pictures or text and then burns them in the bread. It's such an interesting concept...and you know full well someone's gonna have either a naughty idea about this one, or try and sell the image of Jesus Christ burned into one to someplace like goldenpalace.com.

But my favourite one today had to be the link to the webcam at the Large Hedron Collider. Now, I realize a good number of my readers (or stalkers, if you're sneaking around out there...hi!) are wondering what the hell a Large Hedron Collider is.

Basically, it's a big ring-shaped chamber buried under the Earth over in Europe that scientists are going to use to research thing that only scientists, geeks, nerds and physics students (the lowest of the low...I've known a few physics nerds in my day, and can say that with some certainty) that will find interesting. They're hoping to take two particles, send them through the chamber, and crash them together at high speeds to see if they can learn about the beginning of the universe.

Oh, sure, some have said that it could have created a black hole and wiped us all out in the process, but damnit, this is science! What's a little massive death and destruction on a global scale when it could give us an insight on the God Particle?

I'll bet most of you have glanced over this post and yawned, but this seems to have been a geek week for me. Between the music server, designing fractals, setting up my new Vonage VoIP phone line and reconfiguring my router, I've been in geek mode. It's my blog. I can geek here if I wanna.

Next week I'll be headed out to see Julie. I have to geek now while I'm able...

"If you don't vote, you're a moron"

The Bluesman, Live in Concert

So, today's been a mega-geeky kinda day.

I can probably guarantee this is the kinda day that will likely drive Julie nuts, when we're living together, because she'll be wondering what the Hell she's done, falling in love with a geek.

At any rate...

I've set up a music server here at home. One computer, with all my music ripped to MP3 (at the "insane" bitrate, remember), running Ubuntu and Squeezecenter.

The setup is simple. I've just got to open Firefox to Squeezecenter's webpage, and use the interface to pick and choose what songs I wanna hear. From there, I use any audio player that can handle streaming music (I recommend, as always, Winamp), and tell it to play. The music starts playing. Sure, I could just pop in the CD, but if I wanna hear a mix of Emimen, Andre Rieu, Frank Sinatra and Blue Man Group, I can use this. It's simple, in a geek kinda way.

I wanted to play music from the server through my PSP. I knew it could be done: A few firmware updates back, they added Internet Radio to the device. S'cool: You can choose from a bunch of streaming audio stations and have it play through your wifi connection. But I couldn't figure out how to get my music play.

A bit of websurfing, a few downloads, a quick editing of a HTML file and not only was the music streaming, I was geeking out. Thank goodness no one saw me geek dancing in the living room. It was not a pretty site.

But that's not all I was doing. I was multi-geeking.

I've been playing with Apophysis again, designing more fractals. I wanted to make a calendar of my fractal art, and I completed the last couple designs for it. I'd made one more design, and this time...I wanted to do something different.

It's just a shame that some damn tagger had to go and mess up that wall after I hung the poster...

Answer

Sunday night. 8:25PM. Pittsburgh, PA.

Kinda quiet around here.

Julie's been in Joliet for the weekend at the race. We've talked several times, sent text messages, but it's not the same. I wish she were here or I was there. I'd love to hold her, sit across the dining room table from her, or just, as she's so eloquently puts it, chill.

Went out to check on the kid today. She's had a perm...for those of you who've seen her, you'll know she's never had a perm in her life. It was a little strange, seeing her with perm-ed hair (I've no other way to describe it), but it kinda fits her. I think she likes it.

The first question she asked me (after the tears from seeing me and a bit of a hug) was "where's your girlfriend". She asked for Julie. Wow. That's never happened before. Guess what, sweetheart...you're in, if she asks for you right away.

Stayed with her for about an hour, even though she slept part of the time. As I was on my way out, my oldest brother was coming in with some ice cream for her. She'll like that. I stopped to get the tires rotated on the car, did a bit of shopping (found the last two Dale Jr. Limited Edition Amp Energy Drink cans for Julie), and came home for the evening.

Been doing a little web-surfing, relaxing, and some light reading. A typical Sunday night, I guess.

Heh. Typical. I don't think I know the meaning of that word anymore.

Last night, I went to my favourite fast food establishment for dinner, but as I sat there, after I ordered, I felt so...empty. It was the first time after spending so long with my love that I'd gone out to eat by myself.

For so long, I've just gone out and never thought about it. I just got my dinner, ate it, and moved on. Last night, I realized...I don't want to just have dinner out by myself anymore. I don't want to be alone anymore. I want to be with the woman I love.

I'm waiting, but it's not easy. It's taken me this long to find her, I'll wait a bit longer, until we're together. "It'll all be worth it, in the end", or so Sarah McLachlan says.

I'm tempted to believe her.

Oh, yeah...since some of you asked...

I went on the interview yesterday. Met with their HR person and their (only) other IT guy.

It's a small company (not naming any names right now), but they've offices in Houston and Las Vegas as well. Seems that part of the job would be covering those offices while their respective people are on vacation. That's cool. I can handle that.

The interview lasted about a half hour. They asked why I'm not working, and what happened, and I told 'em. They asked if I've learned anything and I said "delete before you hit send". ;)

They told me they'd call me later this week/early next week if I was still a candidate, to meet with their head of IT. Haven't heard anything yet, so we're leaving it at the "no news is good news' stage.

I'm still applying for other jobs, both here and out near DeKalb. Yes, you read that right. I'm applying for jobs out near Julie. If I get a good offer out there...

Home(?)

I got back in the 'Burgh around 7PM.

The house was still in one piece. The fish was swimming happily. I gave him a bit more food than usual. If he's not alive in the morning, it's 'cause he was just so happy to see me.

Started to do a bit of stuff around here. Stripped the beds, tossed in a load of laundry, and kept going until I sat down at the computer. That was all she wrote. As long as I'm moving, I'm good. If I stop, I'm done. I stopped.

The neighbor dropped off my mail about an hour and a half later. We talked for a bit. I told him if I didn't have the interview, I wouldn't even be here. He understood, and admitted he's surprised I haven't said that sooner.

Haven't had a reason to say it sooner.

Talked to Julie. She was having pizza with the kids. (She always seems to have the good stuff after I leave...I'm just teasing!) I figure by now, she's stretched out in bed, since she has to get up for work early. Tomorrow night, she's working the overnight shift (but she has Friday off). She's gonna be busy. She'll have things to think about, so I hope she won't think about me not being there.

I can't help but think about her. Always do, even when I'm busy.

I'll go upstairs and flip the mattress (the hardest mattress she's ever felt, or so she tells me) and put new sheets on it. Guess I'll just relax for a while before calling it a night, and get up early tomorrow morning, ready for the interview.

Try not to miss my love. Try being the optimum word.

Sorry if this is depressing, kids. I'm a little tired. I'll try and be more upbeat next time, promise.

It's never goodbye

It's about a quarter after 8 on Monday night.
I'm on battery power (Hailey's using my charger), so I don't know if I'll finish this tonight. There's so many words swirling around in my head and my heart that I don't know where to begin.

I've spent the last two and a half weeks with Julie. It has been...amazing. If I didn't have to go back to Pittsburgh for the job interview Wednesday morning, I doubt I'd be leaving tomorrow morning.

Today was a quiet kinda day. After Julie got off work, we spent some quiet time together: An early dinner at Applebee's and a movie (Pineapple Express). I admit, I didn't think I'd enjoy that movie, but I laughed my ass off. It was so wrong that it was funny.

Hailey's birthday is this Friday. (Have fun down at the race track, my dear!) I wanted to get her some little thing, nothing too big, but something I'd hope she'd like. We stopped at Barnes and Noble, and I got her a sketchbook, some pens and some stickers to make it her own. She liked it when I gave it to her a bit ago...she was genuinely touched. I'm glad.

For those of you who might wonder, yes, I will be fine tomorrow. I'll be driving in my car, singing to whatever I may find on the XM, and trying not to think about going back to Pittsburgh. I'll be thinking more about Julie. When she goes on break at 10:30 AM, I won't be able to bring her a Sweet Tea from McDonald's. I won't be here at home, waiting for her when she gets off work, greeting her with a hug and a kiss and a "how was your day". I won't be able to lay next to her at night when we go to bed.

For a little while, I'll be back in Pittsburgh. I've some things I've got to do, some very important decisions I have to make.

Julie wants me to stay. I want to stay. Responsibilities, for the moment, tell me I have to leave.

To Julie I say this, for the world to hear. I love you. You have my heart. There will come a day, beloved, that I will not have to leave you for weeks on end, with only the phone and IMs between us. There will come a day when you can roll over first thing in the morning (and I promise you, it won't be at 2:30 in the morning) before we get up for work and you can say "hi" to me, sleepy-eyed, and give me that first kiss of the day. There will come a day when we will be together.

It won't be tomorrow, I know, but it will happen. Of this, you have my word.

It's never goodbye between us. I told her that the first time I came out here.
It's just "I'll see you soon".

I'll see you soon.
I love you.

Antiquing

Saturday night, 8:52PM.

Julie's across from me blogging as well. We've been out most of the day. Odds are, she's recapping everything we've done today, so it'll be interesting to see what she says, and how it compares to my blog.

Today was wonderful. We slept in a little, got up, and went to breakfast. Came back home and tried to decide what to do for the day. We were going to go to the zoo, but since her daughter was feeling left out, we put the zoo on hold for a day and went antiquing instead.

We drove all over the Northern Illinois countryside, from Creston to Maple Park to St. Charles to Aurora and back again. I drove, Julie told me where to go and played her PSP. It was fun...even taking my poor 12-year old Saturn down gravel roads and down to farms with psychotic miniature horses and old barns.

But all in all, it was a wonderful time. Just me and her together, exploring old antique stores...very cool. Sneaking kisses when no one's watching. The two of us, just happy (and sometimes sappy) together.

Tomorrow, the zoo. Monday, Labor Day, she has to work, so it'll be a sweet tea for her on her break and an afternoon and evening together.

Tuesday...

I'm not thinking about Tuesday just yet. I'm just enjoying the moment, looking over occasionally into the eyes of the woman I love and knowing she loves me just the same...

Have a safe and happy Labor Day weekend

To everyone who sees this in the 'States, have a great Labor Day weekend.
If you've got Monday off, have a good one.
If you have to work...you have my sympathies. I hope you're at least getting time and a half.

Of cow horses, museums and loogies

It's a quiet evening here in DeKalb.

Julie's sitting across the dining room table from me, playing "Pull Tabs" on Facebook and asking me if I'm blogging. Her kids have all gone out for the evening (although Hailey just got home a bit ago from a mixer at her high school), and she and I just had a scrumptious dinner from Dairy Queen.

Yes, I said Dairy Queen. No, it's not what she originally planned to have tonight: Julie originally planned to cook chicken, corn and potatoes on the grill, but since the family had other plans tonight, it was just her and me. No sense in grilling that much food for the two of us, so after hanging out at the house for a bit until we were both hungry, we went out for a quick bite.

It's been a good visit. My love is back at work, although she hates working where she works with a passion. I wish she could find something else, a job where she didn't have to get up at 2:30 in the morning, something a bit more 9-to-5. I know she's put out a couple applications. She'll get interviews, I know...she's too good not to hire.

Speaking of interviews, I have one back in the 'Burgh next week. Not gonna say anything more about it yet. Just wish me "luck".

So it seems that the "CowHorse" teasing is (mostly) a thing of the past. We've found something new to tease me about...

Last Sunday, we (as in the whole family: me, Julie and all the kids) went into Chicago to visit the Museum of Science and Industry. Since we became members of Pittsburgh's Carnegie Museums, there's a great program that gives us free admission into virtually any science museum in the country. All seven of us got in for free...yes, free. It was a bargain, and the membership almost paid for itself.

We got there about 45 minutes before the museum opened, so we walked around: We went over to Lake Michigan and wandered around the grounds. As we were waiting on the front steps, I wanted to get a family photo. I had everyone pose (something silly was the order of the day), and then took a shot.

Well, I wanted to be in the picture as well, so I figured I'd mark the spot where I stood, have Julie's oldest son (who's pretty damn good with a camera, let me tell you) take a picture of us with me in it, and Photoshop myself in place later.

Only thing was, I didn't have anything to mark my spot, so I...well...

Earlier in the trip, Julie and I were talking about hocking loogies. (These are some of the highbrow intellectual conversations we have.) I figured...hock one of those bad boys up, drop it on the ground and that'll work.

Seems I didn't take the wind into consideration...and it landed right on my shoe.

The laughter was uproarious. Her youngest son, Cory, never laughed so hard. He was almost crying.

I just stood there, looking down, staring at the wad of phlegm on my shoe and couldn't help but to break into laughter as well.

So when you look at this not totally complete mash up...

...and you see me with one shoe on, you'll understand why.

Gods, it was funny. The whole day was just good.

So forget about how I can't tell the difference between a horse and a cow...because I can...and just remember to take the wind in consideration before you let your next loogie fly.

Hey, if you can learn from my mistakes, then I've accomplished something. ;)

The Cow Horse

Okay, before we go any further...




Do you see what I mean?

If you just saw this out of the corner of your eye, wouldn't you think this is a cow?

I feel justified...

Wednesday morning, 8AM, CDT.

Good morning from DeKalb.

Been a few days since I've posted anything here, but what wonderful days those were.
Julie, her youngest and I had a great time in Pittsburgh...we went everywhere from the museum (the Hillman Hall of Gems and Minerals is still awesome), the Zoo (hit and miss...some cool parts, but too linear and too many people), the science center and Kennywood again (so Hailey could have some fun there), to great meals and some wonderful times together.

The drive from Pittsburgh to DeKalb wasn't too bad. We left early enough, but it was like I was experiencing it again for the first time. Maybe it was because my love was seated next to me, talking, sharing the occasional smile, playing my PSP (until she got to a point in Luxor that she got stuck and was ready to throw the PSP out the window...thankfully, she loves me enough to put the game away), that the drive seemed different somehow.

Usually, I just drive straight through, but this time, we stopped at this little roadside family restaurant in Ohio (since Ohio seems to go on forever and a day anyway) for breakfast. Nice little place. She said she was hungry, and the fast food fare you find in the rest stops wasn't what she wanted, so I stated looking around the exits for either a restaurant I knew or for a hotel...find the hotel, you'll find a restaurant.

After a side trip to visit our friends in Joliet, we came home. Hailey was happy to be back here...not that she didn't enjoy herself, but she was just ready to come back here. I think Julie didn't really care where she was, as long as she and I were together.

Our love grows stronger daily. She told me the other day she was getting comfortable with me, and I told her that can only be a good thing. I do love her with all my heart, and she loves me the same. I've found the love I've waited my life for, I believe. When I am with her...I'm happy.

This weekend, there's a festival we'll go to on Saturday, and we'll head into Chicago on Sunday to see the Museum of Science and Industry. Julie and I bought a membership at The Carnegie Museum of Pittsburgh, and with our membership, there's a great reciprocal program that gives us free admission to a number of science and technology centers, as well as museums, around the country. It's an incredible deal.

I'll be here for a bit. When I come back to the 'burgh, you'll know...until then...be happy for me. I'm with the woman I love, and I don't need much more than that.

P.S. They say a picture's worth a thousand words. Well, rather than write another thousand, I'll just post this...

It took awhile

She was delayed leaving Chicago...ended up leaving at 12:15 AM CDT, three hours later.
Got into Pittsburgh about 2:45 in the morning.

But she's here.

And it's wonderful.

More soon, kids...

Shortly...

Dear friends, loved ones, and my stalkers (and yes, I know you're back and stalking again...whatever).

If you don't hear from me much over the next couple weeks, it's because I'll be with the woman I love.

I'll blog on occasion. I'll answer e-mails, and if you've got my phone number, I'm a call away.

But Julie is coming back to town tonight, bringing her daughter (not sister, Prosey...and you call yourself my editor. LOL! I tease...)

Just know I'll be smiling. :)

P.S. Take a look down the sidebar. I've submitted a couple pictures to JPG Magazine. Could you vote on one or both of them?

Uncovering forgotten memories

Two blog posts in one day.
For a man my age, that's pretty impressive, that I can continue to perform like this.
Didn't even need any little blue pills, either...

The other day, I was cleaning out the trunk of the car, making room for when I go back to Julie's place after her visit this weekend.

I've a bag of tools, some useful and some not, and other "stuff". I was never a boy scout, but I know the value of "being prepared". Never know when I might need a plastic cup (Julie's brother used it a couple weeks back when we were waiting for the tow truck to show), or a spare flashlight (just checked the batteries in it and it shines bright).

One thing I'd found, that I'd forgotten was in there, was an old and very cheap 35mm camera. It's something you'd find at the check-out counter of K-Mart or Wal-Mart these days. It's got a fixed focus, flash...and not much more than that.

But it was loaded.

It said there were about six shots left on the roll, so I brought it in the house and started shooting random stuff, just to finish it off. Took the roll out and took it to Target to get the pictures developed.

The next day, when I picked up the pictures, I was surprised. I found these three photos of an amazing sunset I'd long forgotten...

These were taken, as near as I can tell, about 8 years ago about five miles from here. The Ames department store (seen in the photos) has long closed and the building itself was demolished, but I recognized it.

What was more surprising was the next photo in the stack:



My Kid. This had to have been taken sometime before 2000. She hadn't had the cataract surgery...she was still wearing thick-ass glasses. She's holding her Huggy Bear, the teddy bear she's had for the last 12+ years (and still has to this day, although that bear's been through quite a bit). There's some other decorations that are in the background that I haven't seen in some time.

Seeing this kinda took me back for a second. It was a "blast from the past" as it were, a surprise I wasn't expecting to see. Still, it's all right. It's just a memory from an earlier time to be savored today.

The other photos weren't as interesting. Some shots of the back yard, with birds playing in the birdbath, a squirrel running around, traffic out front. The usual. Still, it was nice to see pictures like this. Rather like opening a time capsule and finding hidden treasures, this was something from a different era, a different time, and was a pleasant surprise.

A quiet evening

Wednesday morning, 12:04 AM.

In two days time, I'll be picking Julie up from the airport. She's coming back for a visit, brining her youngest daughter with her. We're gonna have another fun weekend here, and next week, we're gonna drive back to Dekalb together.

I've missed her. Missed her a lot, and she's missed me too. She told me earlier today that, since we met four months ago (today, in fact...and spent the whole night talking), there hasn't been a day gone by when we haven't talked. E-mails. Phone calls. Text messages. IMs. One way or another, we've talked, and I can't wait for each new conversation.

I love her more each and every passing day. She is wonderful, and the brightest star that's in my life. I don't have a job. No one's calling, no one's offering me anything, but I don't care. I have her love.

Okay, by now, you're probably bored senseless, listening to me ramble on about Julie.

Painted my front porch today. I intended to do that months ago, when Summer started, when I was going to put up my front porch awnings. Since the awnings have been...misplaced...I've ignored the front porch.

Julie, when she was out here before, loved to sit out on the porch and watch the world go by. Well, since she's coming back for another visit, I figured I'd go ahead and fix it up for her.
Yesterday was an offline day for me (and it is yesterday...it's after midnight), spent scraping and painting, After painting, went to the home improvement store for a new welcome mat. Also got a new rug for the porch, but needed some double sided tape to hold it in place. Later today, I'll go out, put down the new rug, bring up the chairs, the table, and maybe sit outside and blog from there.

I've also been reading Brad Meltzer's The Book of Fate, an excellent book. Bought it at Costco for about six bucks, and it's been a good read, a quick read. Meltzer's crafted a fine tale, and it's highly recommended.

My right ear's itchy. Sorry. Had to scratch it.

If you don't hear from me for the next few days, it's because I'm doing a little cleaning, a little fixing up, and getting ready for my love to come.

Two years today

Two years ago today...well, long time readers of this blog, dear friends, know what happened today.

When I told Julie about it last night, she was worried that I'd be rather maudlin over it, upset, moody and depressed.

Rather the opposite.

Yeah, things aren't easy right now. I've no job, but it's all right.
I've got a woman who truly loves me. My life really isn't all that bad right now.

It's certainly better than it was two years ago (with no offense or insult intended toward my kid, but those close to me know what I mean).

Driving home today from having the car worked on (yet again...when I do get a job, I'm going to look into getting a new car, hopefully), Blues Traveler was playing Optimistic Thought, and the chorus, well, just about summed things up pretty well:

Life I embrace you
I shall honor and disgrace you
Please forgive if I replace you
You see I'm going through some pain
But now I see clearly
And the dawn is coming nearly
And though I'm human and its early
I swear I'll never forget again

Smile. I am.

Stuff n'at

Julie's coming back to town in a couple weeks! We've really missed each other since she left...it's really strange, but when she was here...it felt so right.

She went back home, and my place seems so empty without her. Sigh...

When I was taking her out to the airport, we stopped at a local mall (it was too early), and I saw something that made me shout with glee. Pittsburgh has an IHOP!

*does a happy dance*

Those thrice-damned IHOP commercials were as evil as the Sonic ones. Now I can go get my IHOP...

*insert evil laughter here*

Pictures have been posted over at flickr, check the link on the left hand side. I've got some more to go through, maybe post another batch later today.

Other than that...not much new or different, alas. Job search continues with as much luck as I had last month. Sigh...

Tuesday morning, 11:37AM

What a wonderful weekend.

Julie's been making notes about what we did over at her blog. If you want details, you can check there.

I'll just say...it was one of the best weekends in my life. We just love being with each other, enjoying each other's company, savoring those moments together.

She calls me "sappy" because I speak from my heart. I'm emotional, I'm romantic, I'm, well, just me. Don't let her fool you, though. I think she likes a little sap every now and then, and I'm doing my best to limit my sap to once or twice a day. ;)

She left last night. I dropped her off at the airport around 5:30 for a flight to leave around 8, but due to really, really bad storms hitting Chicago, her flight was delayed nearly three hours. She got home last night just in time to turn around and go back to work.

She's tired, but when she called me this morning, she said she wishes she was back here.

I wish she were too.

A couple more weeks, and I'll be headed out to see her. Until then, I'll likely still be smiling...

P.S. I'll be posting pics later over at flickr. Check the slideshow on the left side of this blog later for pics...

Ready?

Vacuum's been run.
Kitchen and bathrooms have been cleaned.
Dusting...we won't speak of the dusting.

I'll meet her at the airport tomorrow morning.
If y'all don't hear from me for a few days, please forgive me.
I hope you understand why.

My love is coming to town.

Delayed a day

I was going to be back in Pittsburgh yesterday, but I didn't get there.

Had a couple errands to run yesterday morning before left Dekalb. Well, after the last one, got into the car...and she wouldn't turn over.

Sigh.

Called AAA, and they said it'd be an hour before someone could get there to jump the car. Mind you, where I was parked was near the County Seat, and three police cars passed me while I was sitting there with the hood up. Think one of them would stop to offer assistance? No...

AAA came, jumped it and said the battery was gone. The alternator was charging it (thank God...replacing the alternator was the LAST thing I wanted to do), but I should replace the battery before headed out.

On the advice of Julie's brother, I went to Farm and Fleet (I love Middle America...such cute names for things) and spent another hour waiting for them to install the battery.

By the time I got back to Julie's place (loaded with Sliders from White Castle...haven't had them in a LONG time), it was kinda late in the day. Julie suggested I spend the night instead of getting into Pittsburgh at 2 in the morning. I personally think she didn't want me to leave... ;)

So it's one last blog entry from here, check the weather and the Woot-Off, and then back to the burgh. Spend a day cleaning the house before my love arrives.

The Dark Night

Greetings from Dekalb!

I decided, pretty much at the last minute, to come out and spend the weekend with Julie and the kids. If you saw her blog, then you know what this weekend is and what it means to her. I wanted to be here for her, so I got in the car Thursday morning, bright and early, and made the trip.

And if you did read her blog, yes, it's true. We went to bed at 6:30 in the evening, fell asleep, and didn't get up until 6:30 the next morning. 12 hours of sleep. We were both just a little tired. ;)

Of course, the trip out this time was a little more interesting than the others. I was in the middle of Indiana, following a semi in the left lane, passing other semis, when one of his rear tires blew out!

It was scary, unable to move to the right lane, rubber flying off from the truck in front of me. Thankfully, the truck kept control and was able to pull over to the right lane shortly. I passed him and got the hell out of the way...that was not fun.

This trip has been great. Julie needed some new outfits, so we went shopping for clothes. Although she thinks my tastes suck, I (most of the time) like to tease her by pulling out the ugliest, loudest outfits I could find and say "honey, what do you think of this?". She just rolls her eyes at me, but occasionally, I do find something that looks cute, and she likes.

For those that know me, you know I'm a t-shirt and jeans kinda guy...but when the need arises, I clean up well and I do have excellent taste in clothing.

Well, most of the time.

On occasion, I come up with a fashion faux pas. ;)

Friday night, we went to see The Dark Knight. Oh. My. God.
It's simply the best comic book movie I've seen. Period. It's intense. My heart was racing the whole second half of the movie (and, forgive me my love, not just from Julie sitting next to me). Heath Ledger's intrepertation of the Joker was simply amazing. He's anarchy personified, less a man and more a sheer force of chaos. He wants nothing more than to cause chaos...proving the perfect foil to Batman.

I was amazed...impressed to no end. It's just the best.

Friday, Julie drove. Saturday and today, I've been driving, which I think Julie's not used to. She seemed a little nervous sitting in the passenger seat of my ol' Saturn, but I think she liked having someone drive her around.

Today would have been her nephew's birthday. I wanted to be here with her for it. I'll be here another day, come home, spend the next three days madly cleaning my house, and get ready for her to come to Pittsburgh later this week...

And yeah, I'm smiling.

Offline for a Sunday night

10PM, Sunday evening. I've just now turned on the computer.

Oh, I was online this morning, checking out the Sunday funnies, tracking visitors and feeding the virtual pets over at Facebook. Even did a little virtual shopping with Julie, who's in need of a washer and dryer. I just wanted to try and be of some help, offering ideas and suggestions, but the lady knows what she wants and makes up her own mind. I respect her for that.

Left a little after Noon to go check on The Kid. Getting out there was a little more difficult today: The interstate (known affectionately around here as the Parkway East) has been seeing weekend closing for the past year or so, and it's been dumping traffic onto side streets that can barely handle the existing traffic.

Instead of taking one back way, I took another, and ran into traffic. Sigh. I did a few maneuvers, took a few side streets and short cuts I know, and...offered my opinion...to drivers who decided that going ten miles under the speed limit was all right before I got back on the Parkway, past the construction zone. What can take me 45 minutes on the weekend took about a half-hour longer, no thanks in part to the guy in front of me who figured waving at me might piss me off more. Little does he know I use that trick all the time.

The Kid was pretty good today. Talkative, funny, in good spirits. I stayed for almost two hours (only to get some...interesting...news, which I'm not ready to share just yet, before I left), and we had a good time. She can still make me laugh on occasion: When I first got there, she was lying in bed, and she woke when she heard me come in. I leaned over and asked what she thought she was doing, and she said "I've been institutionalized"...meaning she was put to bed even though she didn't want to go. It was funny...to me at least.

Had a good downpour while I was there. It was needed. It'd been so hot and humid the past few days, I'd been holed up in the air conditioning, unwilling to go outside and swim...er, ah...walk anywhere. After the rain, it was cooler and less humid, and much nicer.

Went and did some grocery shopping. Stopped for a bite to eat. Got home around 6:30...only to find the power was out. Wonderful. Called the light company and they said it was due to "equipment malfunctions" and service should be restored by 11:30 PM. In other words, the storm tripped the circuit breaker on the transformer out front (again) and they'd send a crew around to throw the switch whenever they had five seconds.

Oh, well. Wouldn't be the first time this had happened, won't be the last. Put away my groceries and wondered what I was going to do now.

My original intention tonight was to watch some DVDs: I have season two of Robot Chicken and Venture Bros. that I haven't seen yet, and I was going to watch some of those, but now...no power means no DVDs.

No biggie.

I got my portable CD player (remember those?) and my portable speaker ($11 from Woot, and it has excellent sound) for ambiance, and the stack of National Geographic magazines since the beginning of the year I hadn't yet cracked...and I had myself an offline Sunday night.

It's been awhile since I've had an offline night here at home. I'm either chatting with Julie (and I wouldn't trade those evening for anything) until she went back to work and had to go to bed early, or I'd been online blogging or surfing or playing games or whatever, so it felt really nice to just sit in the chair in the corner of the living room and just...relax.

Sure, the power was back on shortly after 8, and I could've gone online then, but I still had a few more NatGeo's to read, and it was...peaceful. The music ranged from Beastie Boys to Springsteen to Neil Young to Keiko Matsui (who's album, White Owl, is currently playing), it's been a nice night of music and magazines, with occasional updates from Julie on how the new tattoo is coming along.

Oh, one other thing. As I was sitting there, reading, I'd look up and out the front door on occasion. One such moment, I looked and saw...well...

An old friend and traveling companion's ghostly image, reflected in the glass. A few photos later...and there was this. I'm very fond of this picture, for some reason. Something about it, I really love.

Now it's 10:30. I've blogged, I'll go check my mail, see what else is happening in the world, wait for my love to call (unless she gets home too late and goes to bed, exhausted...she's had a busy weekend) and just be.

Amazing how nice the offline world is to visit every now and then. ;)

13 Days

She'll be coming here in three two weeks.

Cool. :)

...and yes, I can count...most of the time...

Midnight

The mantle clock behind me has started to chime.
I know Julie hates that clock, but I love it. I like hearing it chime on the hour and half-hour.
It's a little loud, she says, when we're talking on the phone.

12 times. Midnight.

I never was much of a night person. I always got up early, got my work done early, and then turned into a lazy slug for the afternoon/evening. Guess I was that way because of how I was raised. I had the "get it over with" mentality drilled into me from an early age.

I do like my mantle clock.

Not much has been going on around here today. I did a good bit of running around yesterday and intended for today to be a "lazy day". Did go through the junk mail, and tomorrow morning, I'll pay some bills, along with the school taxes sitting in there.

Sigh. I'm not looking forward to opening that. It's gonna be at least $1,400, and thankfully, I have enough saved up to pay it off. After that...well...it's not gonna be super tight, but it'll be interesting.

If you haven't seen Julie's blog yet, you should go read it. (Hopefully, she hasn't posted the pictures of me in shorts...yet.) She's gonna be a grandma. My girlfriend's going to be a grandmother.

Occasionally, I have to stop and let my mind wrap around that concept.

See, to me, growing up, grandparents were old. When your mother's 42 when you're born, grandparents are going to be a bit older. I still equate "grandparents" with older, gray-haired people who've had long lives, plastic covering the furniture and jars of candy all around the house.

Julie doesn't have gray hair (despite her daughter's teasing), doesn't have plastic on the furniture, and is on a diet, so candy? Forget about it.

Hm. Growing older. The thought of that doesn't bother me, but the concept of "getting old" does, if that makes sense. I've seen what happens in my family when old age comes around, and it's not something I'm looking forward to. I have a genuine fear of getting old, but even as I type those words, I can hear My Priestess tell me "it's better than the alternative".

Late nights. Granted, just past midnight isn't "late", but when you've spent years going to bed before 11, this is unfamiliar territory for me, you could say. I've been used, for years, at getting up between 5:30 and 7. Sleeping in until 9 only on Saturdays. Now it's an almost daily occurrence for me, and its taking a bit to get used to.

And yet, I just talked to my love. She's gotta get up at 2:30 in the morning to be at work by 4, but she was just getting to bed. Took a nap this afternoon, but that can really muck up her night.

It's amazing what we can do, when we need to do something.

Hm. 12:15AM. Think I'll surf the web a little, watch the end of the All-Star game (tied at 3 in the bottom of the 11th), and get to bed eventually.

Tomorrow's another day.

Ponderings.

Back home again...

This past week has been so...busy. What was supposed to be a long weekend with my love went longer than I originally intended, but it was all right. Even if it wasn't the best of circumstances, I got to spend more time with her. I'm just glad I was there to be with her.

The funeral was simple but nice. I got a chance to meet the rest of her family, spend some time with them. Of course, I didn't have my suit with me, so I had to get one...so now I have three suits.

S'all right. I look good in a suit.

My love, if you didn't hear, is a huge NASCAR fan. She loves Dale Earnhardt, Jr more than she loves me (sigh), and my original plan was to stay at her place until Tuesday, go with her to her girlfriend's place after she got off work, crash with them for the night and then take off the next day.

Well, we didn't get to leave for Joliet until late Thursday, so I figured I'd stay until Friday. Julie told me before that there was more going on than just a race, that it was a big ol' party, so I figured I'd tag along, see what I can see.

Long story short: Julie's girlfriend's father works there. She got me one of his tickets. I was able to go to the race on Friday.

Now, please understand, when it comes to racing, I understand about as much as a rock understands nuclear physics. I've watched races with Julie before (when I'm not napping), so I understand some of what's going on, but for the most part, I wasn't prepared for the race.

Specifically, the noise. Those sonofabitches are LOUD! Ye gods. We went into the stand for the preliminaries and some practice laps, and I damn near went deaf. Seriously. After about a half-hour or so of sitting there, when we went back out front, I could not hear for about 10 minutes.

Scared the shit out of me. Thank God vendors out there were selling ear plugs. If they weren't, I don't think I could've gone back in for the race itself.

Speaking of the race...

Forgive me, my love, but I wasn't all that impressed. It was, well, dull.

No major crashes. No excitement. No drama. No tension. Just guys driving around a track for a couple hours.

I suppose it's because I was watching the "minor league" racers (if there is such a thing...and if I'm wrong, sweetie, please let me know), but it didn't impress me all that much.

I'll try it again. It's what my lady loves, so I'm willing to give it another shot, and with any luck, it'll capture my attention better.

All I'll say is this. Next time, I'm going to use more suntan lotion on more places. I understand where the term "red neck" comes from now...

Dutiful and supportive.

According to my dashboard, this is my 200th post on Blogger.
This isn't totally accurate...I've deleted a number of posts over the years since I started this blog, so who knows what number this is.

I'm still in Dekalb. Julie's gram passed away on Sunday. I only had the chance to meet her a couple of times, but she seemed like a really cool lady. I'll be sticking around here for a bit, to do whatever Julie needs or asks of me.

If I haven't mentioned recently how much I love her, then you've obviously not been reading this blog.

Dekalb isn't that bad a place. I'm finding my way around here a little better, but it's still flat. Damn flat.

There've been a couple good thunderstorms move through here while I've been here. A really good one went through first thing this morning, and Julie's oldest forgot to put up his car windows. Got the driver's side good and wet. Julie, to her credit, tried to put a cover on the open windows before it really started to pour, but it didn't help much.

Another storm's gonna be coming through in the next hour. The windows are shut this time. ;)

I didn't bring my suit with me (even though I had a feeling I should when I was packing my bag before I left), so I had to make a quick run to the store today for a suit. Got a couple shirts, a tie, slacks and a sport coat. As long as I look presentable for her, be the dutiful and supportive boyfriend, it's all good.

Julie has made me feel part of the family here, and I do my best to help out when and where I can. I know I'm just the boyfriend, but I try and be there to help her and the kids whenever I can.

It's getting late. The rest of this week is gonna be busy, I think, so if you don't hear from me...you'll know why. I'm just trying to help out my family.

It looked...like...a bloody cow!

Julie's working overnight shifts today and tomorrow, and I can just imagine she's exhausted.

So since she's tired, I'm going to go ahead and embarrass myself.

We were out for a drive last time I was out at her place, and since it's...rural...there's plenty of farms and farmland kind of things, including farm animals.

So we drive past one place, and I look over at this horse that's spotted, I swear to God, like a cow. Julie was looking for a cow, and I said "cow"...but they looked and saw the horse.

I saw it was a horse too, but for that split second between opening my mouth and shoving my foot halfway down my throat, it looked like a cow.

Needless to say, for the rest of the visit, my love had to not only call every horse "cow" and every cow "horse", she proceeded to tell everyone around us that I couldn't tell the difference between a horse and a cow.

I swear to God, next time I'm out there, I am going to find that horse again and take its picture, just to show the world that that horse was spotted like a cow. Even if I have to photoshop that sonofabitch, I'm gonna prove it looked like a cow.

The ridicule will begin in three...two...one...

I should buy stock in asterisks...

I f***ing hate yardwork.

Really and truly, that in and of itself should tell you this isn't going to be a pleasant post, and as it continues, I might remove those asterisk. For now, they're there, but don't hold your breath for that not to change.

Growing up, I wasn't the outside kid. I liked to stay inside, even thought the house wasn't all that comfortable in the Summer. No central air, not ceiling fans to redistribute the heat, just whatever breeze might be blowing in from the outside. My Kid (back in the days before our roles in life reversed) hated the concept of closing the house up, preferring to have doors and windows wide and sweltering in the heat and humidity of a Pittsburgh Summer.

Still, through all that, I liked it inside the house. Outside had...stuff...and I didn't like the stuff.

Stuff like bugs. Bees (which, to this day, I still don't like). Worst of all...yard work.

I'll grant you, my yard isn't that big, but My Kid insisted it be done right. The grass has to be cut and kept short. It must be edged off the sidewalk. The hedges must be kept nice and trimmed. Weeds were forbidden and had to be removed, usually at the roots.

For awhile there, she did it, until I got to the age when, as it happens to all kids, they can do the yardwork. I hated it and did everything I could to get out of it.

I liked it inside. My stuff was inside. My imagination was at its peak indoors. Outside...wasn't for me. I'm a city kid. My country experiences are severely limited (ask Julie about that...she teases me every chance she gets). And even for a city kid, I was an inside-the-house kid, not one who hung out or played outside.

Still, it was a responsibility that I had to do, had to take care of, and if I understand one thing, it's my responsibilities.

So I was out there cutting the grass, until I got old enough to strike a deal with a neighbor who preferred to be outside. He cut the grass, trimmed, weeded to My Kid's demanding specifications, and I'd get him a case of beer for his work. Win-Win. He got to be outside, he got beer, and I could stay inside.

Of course, that changed when he divorced his wife of 35 years to go be with a younger woman. I tried to find a replacement, but none was to be found. Once again, it was my responsibility to do the thrice-damned yardwork.

And that's what I was doing today, until I ran over the electric cord, with the yard only half done.

It wouldn't be so bad except this is the second 100' extension cord I've chopped up this year. The first one was a month and a half ago when it slipped into the hedge trimmer while I was cutting the hedge. Sheared it right in half.

Have I mentioned I fu**ing hate yard work.

Hmm. Fewer asterisk that time.

I replaced that cord (it was too shredded to save) and went back to the evil, hated, insane, should-be-banned-by-the-Geneva-Convention yardwork. Of course, today, I was cutting the grass when I accidentally ran over the cord. Did it dozens of times before, but today...today...it got caught under the blade.

*sigh*

I'll see if I can get my neighbor, a retired electrician, to repair the cord, so I can go back and do what I have to do, be a responsible homeowner, and cut the fucking grass. Hm. No asterisk that time.

I swear, I get back to work and I'm hiring a yard service. I don't care. I'd rather spend the money and have someone else do it than spend an hour or two in aggravation working in the yard.

Yeah, I'm happy. Really happy.

Argh.

Three more days.

It's raining again

Another day, another downpour.

It's been raining for the last few days, on and off. Some of those storms have been really nasty. Friday night there was a lightning storm that lasted a good 45 minutes. Some torrential downpours. There was another just a little bit ago.

At least they can't talk about drought here for a bit.

I said there was some things going on that I couldn't talk about yet last week. Well, I can now...but not here. That Singular place has the story.

I'm not comfortable posting it here in the all-access blog, sorry. Feel free to pop over there (as long as you've got permission) to see what's going on.

Otherwise...it's just another day.

What is this "weekend" everyone tells me about?

Since I've gone "off the clock", the concept of "the weekend" has become somewhat strange. When you're not working during the week, what's so special about the weekend?

To me, the weekend is a pain in the butt. There's more people out and about, in the stores and on the roads, getting in my way. During things "during the week" is much better. Quieter, more peaceful, more tranquil.

Oh, well.

I miss Julie. I really miss being with her. It's not easy on either of us, but...all I know is that when we are together, it's so worth it. I don't need to do anything when I'm with her, other than spending the time with her. I'm content to just sit and relax or walk the dog or go for a drive in the country with her.

I'll see her soon. It'll be good seeing her, waking up next to her in the morning, sharing quiet moments and little things. I smile a lot when I'm with her...smile a lot thinking about her...so it's all good.

A few things happened this week that I'm not ready to talk about publicly just yet. Depending on a few things, I hope to talk about them sometime next week.

Last night, one of the most impressive storm systems blew through here. It was a constant lightning show for, at the very least, 45 minutes. Power kicked off a few times only to come back on (but off long enough to screw up a couple clocks).

It was comfortable earlier this week, with the highs in the upper 70's, but before the storm hit town last night, temperatures went up and so did the humidity. I had the A/C off as long as I could before the house got intolerable. It's on now, and it's comfy in here.

My Dish Network receiver's on the fritz. The picture slides over to one side and it's constantly fuzzy. It's the HDMI port...same thing happened before...but when I tried to explain to customer service that I already diagnosed the problem and just needed a new receiver, they insisted on sending a tech out to the house.

Thankfully, the tech called me before coming out. I told him I did the legwork and diagnosed the problem. He concurred with my diagnosis and put in the RMA for a new receiver. Should be here Monday.

Other than that, there's not much going on. I'll wish you all a "happy weekend", but for me, it'll just be another day...

George Carlin, RIP

Woke up this morning to some very sad news.

George Carlin died yesterday.

He went to the UCLA Medical Center complaining of chest pain and died from a heart attack there.
He was 71.

I've a soft spot in my heart for comedians, and for those who make you think especially. He was one of those...going from counter-culture comedian to someone who actually said shit to make you think.

He will be missed.

The ironic thing was...XM Radio's uncensored comedy channel ran a special on him yesterday afternoon. It was a good listen, a good interview. It's well worth downloading, and can be found here as a podcast. (If you don't like or have iTunes, I recommend Juice.)

He taught me one thing. There are no bad words, just bad context.

193

Julie and I were talking earlier today, and she wondered why I hadn't blogged in the past few days. Apparently, she's been checking here daily, looking to see if I've said something (I have no idea why), and I haven't posted since Wednesday.

There are things I could write about, but I'm not ready to talk about publicly, either here or in that Singular spot. When the time's right, I'll reveal 'em here. Just not yet.

I am sitting here listening to Three Dog Night. When I was with Julie last, their song "Out in the Country" was going through my head (I have no idea why), and when I get a song stuck in my head like that, I cannot rest until I find the CD.

No, not a digital download. The CD. I've ranted about why CDs (or vinyl, for that matter) is far, far, far superior to shudder digital, and if you haven't seen it yet, or wonder why, here's one reason. I also did a podcast on The Loudness War, which is really ironic, since I'm talking about how I dislike compressed, crappy sounds...in a compressed, crappy podcast.

But right now, Three Dog Night, as I said, is blaring out my speakers as I watch storm clouds gather overhead. No, it's not a metaphor, it's the weather. There's been thunderstorms here in the afternoon and evening for the past few days.

Speaking of which, I just had to go upstairs and shut the windows. There was a drop in pressure, a cool and strong wind blowing through the house, and those things usually mean it's gonna pour any second. But I digress...

Earlier tonight, while dining at my favourite eating establishment, I was watching the traffic go by and just enjoying the moment. This is something that my ladylove doesn't understand about me, I think. I've eaten alone many times. Watched movies alone. Gone places, gone on vacation, alone.

I think it's a good thing that there are aspects about ourselves that the other doesn't "get" just yet. We're so alike in many ways, but in others, we're different, and I like that. I like trying, sometimes, to understand those differences and celebrate them.

I know Julie loves me, and she's beginning to understand me, at least I hope she is.
I do love her, and I do miss her terribly.

No rain yet. I think I'll shut up now, go get a drink, go into the living room, listen to some more Three Dog Night and wait for the rain...

Wednesday morning, 8:30AM CDT

I'm leaving DeKalb today.

Julie's at work as I type this. She's been working half-days since she got the clearance to go back to work a week and a half ago. I must say this has been a good week, even though she drove me so crazy the first day I was out here, I almost packed my stuff back up and went home the next day.

Like I said to her the other day, however, I'd rather be crazy with her than without her.

We had a good time. Went down to visit our friend, Kathy, in Joliet and saw Chicagoland Speedway. It was a cool place, and I swear my ladylove thought she'd died and gone to heaven. If we'd ran into Dale Earnhardt Jr., then she would've sworn it was Heaven and it'd be "Eric who"?

I'm only half-joking about that one.

I told you before we went to Chicago on Saturday, and Sunday was a nice day to relax. Monday and Tuesday, we went for a couple little drives, watched a movie (The Bucket List...excellent film, if you haven't already seen it) and putzed around this small and oh-so flat town.

In a few short hours, it'll be farewell hugs and kisses, moments of not wanting to let go but knowing we have to for now, and "see you soon". It's never goodbye, I told her after my first visit, but rather "see you soon".

I go back to Pittsburgh today, but my home is with her. My heart is with her.

Jeez...

I was only kidding about the gift thing, folks. LOL

While visiting The Journal of Onestar

I'm still in Dekalb with my ladylove for a couple more days.
I just wanted to make sure everyone noticed the cool things I have here on my page.

Make sure to check out the other blogs I have linked here. Most of you already know they're there (because you visit me from your own pages), but there are some excellent blogs that aren't friends, but are still worth checking out like Post Secret, or I Found Your Camera.

I've added a slideshow of my flickr photos. I've been posting to flickr a lot recently, so you'll find my latest shots there.

And, yes, my Amazon wish list is included there, in case you feel like giving me a gift.

There's also a link to my local weather (well, local when I'm in The Burgh), and a link to the podcast website (which I will be updating sometime soon.

Oh, and I'll be adding a link to my YouTube videos very soon (if not right after I finish this).

Yeah, it's one-stop shopping for all things me. What more could you ask for?

Chicago

Julie and I went to Chicago today.

Talk about a really good day.

We walked everywhere. Didn't go up Sears Tower (I didn't feel like waiting an hour to go to the top), went to Wrigley Field (didn't go in, much to my love's confusion, but I was happy to just see the place in person), went to get a real Chicago deep dish pizza at Gino's.

The best part of the day, I think, was at the Navy Pier. Cool place. We rode the ferris wheel, walked to the end of it, looked at stained glass in a stained glass museum...

Took a lot of pictures. Walked a lot. I'd tell you more, but it's late and I'm getting tired, as as my love will attest, I will be snoring soon.

More later, kids.

Early morning, Dekalb style

Okay, so 9:18AM isn't exactly "early morning", but it's still quiet here at Julie's house. The kids are still asleep in bed (ah, to be a teenager on Summer vacation again...well, okay, so I'm 40 and on a different sort of Summer Vacation), and it's just me, Kadie and Rico. Bob is somewhere around here, but I haven't seen him this morning.

Got in yesterday afternoon, and it was wonderful to be back here. My love is tired...going back to work after being off for so long, having to get up in the wee hours of the morning isn't helping...but I think she's happy to see me here. At least I hope she is.

The drive over wasn't too bad. Seemed there were more than a few state police cars on the interstate than usual, but that was all right. I obeyed the limits (for the most part) and got here in about 8 and a half hours. Not too shabby.

The night before, a friend of mine and I went out to the mall. The folks from Amber Forever Amber, my friends Don and Fran, were at one of the local malls, and my friend wanted to meet them.

For those of you who've seen my rings, you know they make the best. They do their own settings, cut their own stones, and their craftsmanship is top notch.

I was looking over their rings (as I am wont to do), and something new caught my eye...



I looked at it for a few seconds before realizing...it was a zero and a one! It was binary! BINARY!

The geek in me knew I must have it, and they were extremely pleased that I got it. Their son designed it, and they said he'd be pleased to know the person who got it understood the meaning.

So I've got my geek ring, I'm with my lady, and I'll likely be offline for a bit. Julie's got stuff for us to do...she wants us off our respective computers...and I have no problem with this. It'll be interesting doing things in a "real" world, but y'know what? These computers ain't all they're cracked up to be anyway...

See ya soon, kids.

P.S. There's a kid update over at that other place. You know the routine: If you can get it, you get it. If not, sorry.

Steak on a Hot Tin Plate

This was taken at Cousino's Steakhouse in Oregon, Ohio, just outside of Toledo.



That...is one hot plate.

Written Now for Tomorrow

The following is written for...tomorrow. For whomever. My family. My caregiver. Maybe my wife. I'm writing it today so I won't have to write it later.

Please note that I'm not going to hurt myself or die tomorrow or anything like that. It's just...read on and you'll understand.



To whomever finds this, understand that you have my deepest sympathies. You have the most unenviable task of going through my personal effects, my clothing, my memories...everything that made me, well, me.

By now I've have passed away, left the boundaries of this mortal world and my soul has begun it's journey to the final destination...or maybe it's first steps into a better world. It's not for me to say while I write this because, like you, I am among the living.

Neither weep nor fret for me. I've got it easy. It's you, gentle reader, who has the hard part. You're still alive and possibly smarting from my loss. Or maybe not. I don't know who'll find this missive as I write this at the tender age of 40.

See, I'm writing this today because you are doing what I have already done, and that's gone through the personal belongings of someone else.

I've spent part of this day going through my mother's belongings. Even though, as I type this, she still lives, she's not going to need these things again. She's been in a nursing home nearly two years, and when she's not there, she's in the hospital, getting weaker and weaker with each visit.

Even with her strength, I doubt she'll have too much left in her, so rather than wait, I'm at least going through her things, seeing what she has, what I should donate, what I should give, and what I should merely toss.

The pain I feel now is likely the same pain you're feeling, and for that, I am so, so very sorry. It is not easy, this process, of going through the things that belonged to someone we knew, someone we loved, and deciding...what do I do with it all?

They've no use for it where they're going. They don't need the scrapbook photos of Grace Kelly or the French magazine brought back to them as a souvenir years ago, or clothing so old and used that the buttons are held on with safety pins. (I cannot help but wonder if you know what half those words mean, reading this whenever you do. Of course, the point is moot. Those ideas are likely as dead as I am, now.)

I wonder if you'll feel the same things as I have, going through her clothes. I knew full well the pockets would be full of handkerchiefs...she always had one in the pocket of her skirts.

I wonder if you'll have the same pain when you try to decide what to do with old photos, or look at marvel at newspapers clippings, some older than you, or will you just shrug your shoulders and toss them into the garbage (or the laser recycler).

I wonder if you'll feel the same tears well up in the corner of your eyes as you find some memento, some little thing, that you gave me as I've found such things that I gave her years ago.

Little memories. Moments from a life. What meaning do they serve? They're just things, aren't they?

Or are these keepsakes, things that provoke an almost Pavlovian response in us, triggers that we cannot help but obey?

If you're feeling half the pain I feel this day, whomever you are, then know that I wish I could give you the hug I so badly need right now.

Unless you're just a stranger, someone with no ties to any of my shit, at which I say sell what you can and trash the rest.

A Singularity Update

If you've got the permission, head over to Singularity Point for an update.

If not...sucks to be you.

Reminiscing, Part Two

Sunday morning, we slept in. I won't go into details (it's nothing sexual, you pervs, get yer minds outta the gutter), but that morning was beautiful. Julie knows what I'm talking about, and that's all I have to say.

We decided early on to check out, go to the museum, and then head our separate ways. What she didn't know was that I intended to surprise her with flowers...I bought her a potted plant with daisies.

We asked the clerk at the hotel to watch the daisies and we'd get them later, since we left my car at the hotel anyway. The clerk said sure, but they might be gone when we get back 'cause she loved daisies too. ;)

Breakfast was at Bob Evans. Good food, sitting across from each other, enjoying each others company, and just being happy.

We headed back downtown to the Toledo Museum of Art. One of the things that we both wanted to see was their glass museum, since we both love cut glass.

Once again, Julie was amazed at how empty town was. Still didn't surprise me. ;)

Now, Julie will say that I give bad directions because I told her to turn left at the last second, but I was aware that there were no cars nearby, so it was perfectly fine. Don't believe her. It was fine. ;)

The museum was really cool. She wanted me to take pictures for her daughter, but I couldn't shoot some of the modern pieces. Copyright restrictions, which I understand totally. After working for years in a library enforcing copyright law, I can respect it.

Thankfully, it was only the modern pieces that I couldn't shoot. The older ones, PD pieces, were fine as long as I didn't use the flash. Took a bunch of pictures as we walked through the galleries, looking at masterpieces (no Napoleon though) and having a good time.

Of course,the first gallery we stopped in was the gift shop. ;) Julie saw a heart-shaped glass paperweight that she fell in love with, so I had to get that for her, while I got myself and her pins from the museum. I asked them to hold the package for her until later, and they not only did, they wrapped it in the cutest bow. It was nice.

We walked across the street to the glass museum and right into a glass blowing demonstration. Watching someone blow glass is so bloody cool...Julie was enthralled. We talked to the woman who was giving the demo afterwards, and Julie asked how they made cracked glass, and she said that was in the next presentation! Well, you knew we had to stay for the next show...

They pieces they make during the demonstrations, they put up for sale in their cafe, and I admit, one of them caught my eye. I think Julie would love to have had it for herself (she said she had a place already set aside for it), I brought it home with me...



The second show, they made a lovely red vase, and the presenter almost forgot to show how they made it cracked! She did, and to this lovely light red vase added a gold drizzle...especially for Julie. She's going to contact the museum to get it for herself, since they made it especially for her, and I can't wait to see her get it. The look in her eyes when they were making it...it's special.

We wandered around the museum a bit more before calling it a day and headed back. Stopped at a Big Boy (I didn't know they were still around!) for lunch, while I gave her a copy of all the photos I'd taken over the weekend. We sat there, talked a little more, looked into each others eyes on occasion, and just said how wonderful this weekend was.

Back at the hotel, we hugged, kissed, got her daisies, put my vase in my car, hugged and kissed a little more, and then took off on our separate ways.

We were texting and calling each other on occasion when the nursing home called me. Seems The Kid was having trouble eating and breathing during dinner, and because there's a DNR on file with her, they had to see what I wanted to do. I said to call the doctor, get her to the ER at least, and let them take a look at her.

Toledo to Greensburg, PA in three and a half hours. The speed limit might've been broken once or twice.

Got to the hospital and she was in the ER, with a machine that was literally forcing air into her lungs. They said it might force the "bad air" out of her, but it looked like something Darth Vader would wear, I swear.

Stayed with her until about midnight. Got home, talked to my cousin, then crashed.

It might've ended on a sad note, but this weekend was amazing. Julie and I both agree, it was wonderful. I miss her already...but I know we'll have more weekend like this in the years to come.

When I know more about The Kid, I'll pass it along.

Reminiscing

So now that I've been home for a day, I can sit back and write more about an amazing weekend.

Getting to Toledo (like I said the other day, who would've thought there's such a thing as a romantic getaway weekend in Toledo?) for me was no problem. Weather was nice, drive was good. 250 miles in 4 and a half hours, easy. At least the drive was easy.

After I got there, I had a scare. My cell phone fell and hit the floor of the bathroom, and it died. For all the drops it'd taken and not died, it had to die then and there. (Murphy was somewhere laughing his fool head off.) Thankfully, the very helpful clerk at the hotel found me an AT&T store, drove over there, and got my sleep RAZR replaced with a...phone. Leave it at that.

For Julie, it wasn't quite so much fun. She went through some really bad thunderstorms (saw the video and it was nasty), but she made it in one piece, thank goodness. Would've been an entirely different weekend if she hadn't.

She got in late, so we just grabbed a bite to eat at the Applebees near the hotel. Went back to the room to relax.

Saturday morning, we had breakfast at the hotel before we went to the Zoo. Now, this is where I have to give serious props to the Sleep Inn and Suites in Toledo. For a "free" continental breakfast, they put out quite a spread. They've got a waffle maker! No matter where you go in the hotel in the morning, all you smell are waffles. It was great! Got Julie her Orange Juice (the second trip...had mine on the first one) and bagel and we got ready to go to the Zoo.

Julie was excited to go to the zoo and I must admit, it's the first time I'd been to a zoo since I was 10, I swear. Despite the fact that Pittsburgh has a world-class zoo, I never go there.

The zoo was easy to find (she found it, I was along for the ride looking at everything), and we got there shortly before it opened. We walked through a little park, holding hands, looking at the mighty Maumee River while we waited. Talked to a few people while they fed the ducks. Nice and quiet.

When the zoo opened a few minute later, we were some of the first people in the place. Checked out their aquarium first, sharing kisses on occasion while we looked at the fishies.

The butterfly exhibit was next, and while it was an extra charge, it was worth it. Julie was hoping a butterfly would land on her and I kept taking her picture while we walked through there, careful not to step.

I should note that I took some 400+ pictures and videos this weekend. Might even share one or two of them. ;)

The rest of the zoo was cool. Polar Bears (her favourite), Cheetahs, Elephants and Rhinos. They had a lot of stuff, and we spent hours there. It was fun, and we just walked and looked and held hands and just loved being there and with each other.

After leaving, we cruised around Toledo for a bit (she was amazed that the streets were empty...didn't shock me too much, since most small towns are like that, empty on the weekends, as the folks just go into town for the workweek), and chilled at the hotel until dinner. Julie said a good steak dinner would be good, so I checked with the same incredibly helpful clerk and she recommended Cousinos, a nearby place.

Nice little restaurant, not formal (which works for both of us), and the food? INCREDIBLE!

We both had Filet Mignon, but they served them on metal plates...incredibly hot metal plates.

Julie's medium steak was still raw, so she sent it back. When the waitress returned it, they must've cooked the steak right there on the plate! It was done...and it was so hot, when I dropped an ice cube on the plate, it evaporated in a second, literally.

Yes, there's a video of it, and yes, it will be posted to Youtube later.

After dinner, we were full. After a quick trip back to the hotel, we decided to go to the lake. I didn't bring my laptop...I'll wait while you pick your collective jaws up off the floor...but Julie did, so we google'd directions and took off.

Got to the lake in time to watch a beautiful sunset, arm in arm, and kiss as the sun went down.

Cruised around Toledo and the outskirts in search of ice cream, checking out Pickle street's detour (private joke) and stopping at Deb's Soft Serve for some good ice cream before calling it a night.

That's Friday and Saturday, and that's enough for now. I'll save Sunday for another day. ;)

Just another Manic Monday

Monday morning. 10:35AM.

Back in the 'Burgh.

I left Friday afternoon for a wonderful weekend away with my ladylove. We decided only a few days before to take a weekend and meet (roughly) halfway between our respective home.

So, you're asking, what exotic destination is the halfway point? Toledo, Ohio.

Yes, we spent the weekend in Toledo, Ohio. I know, you're amazed. It ranks right up there with the best, most romantic vacation destination out there: Paris. Tahiti. Bora Bora.

Toledo.

The details of the weekend...some are public and I'll share them with you another time. Some are VERY personal and there's no way I'm going to tell you about them, here or anywhere.

Let's just say that we had a wonderful time. It was pretty much perfect (minus some interesting moments), but it didn't matter.

My love and I were together. We walked, we shared, we dined...we loved.

It was wonderful.

I'm now back home. The Kid's in the hospital again, aspirated again, and possible infection from pneumonia. They called me on the trip home, telling me she wasn't able to talk and gurgling. Got her to the emergency room, and I was there shortly thereafter.

Didn't get home until 1 in the morning, pretty much, but...the end of the weekend was a little rough, but it didn't take the smile from my face and the love in my heart that I had from spending it with Julie.

I love you, baby.

* She's the most beautiful woman on the planet in my opinion. You're not going to be able to change my mind, so don't try. And no, I don't think Angelina Jolie's more beautiful.