Back home again after far too long.

Monday, I didn't get out of work until 5:30. A last-minute emergency project reared its ugly head, and I had the pleasure of prepping a laptop for someone to ship cross-country later that night. Of course, as expected, nothing went right, and I wasn't able to deliver the laptop until after most shipping places closed, but I wasn't about to let a bad laptop go out to someone...especially someone of importance...and have it fail on him. It looks bad for him, it looks bad for the University, and it looks really bad on me.

That ain't gonna happen, kids.

So, after leaving the office after a 10 hour day, one would think I would just want to go home and collapse.

Well, that's what you'd think. Me, I decided on other things...

June had come around already, and I still had not been to my home-away-from-home. I'd heard her call me. She whispered my name on the breeze like a lover summoning me, and I knew I could never resist.

The ballpark was calling me home for the last few months, but there were things preventing me from going...family, weather, funds...but no more, I decided. Tonight, I was going home.

I've waxed romantic about baseball before, so I shall try not to bore you with why I love this game too much. Yes, I could talk about the mental aspects, the psychology of pitching and batting. The drama that unfolds within nine innings of play. The subtle things the game has that draws me in and captures my attention like little can.

I could speak about the hope one has at the start of the season, and the start of each game. Hope that you have for your team to win, to take the pennant, to bring the glory of the championship back and how they share in the glory of winning with their loyal fans. I could tell you that, but given that Pittsburgh hasn't had a winning season in going on 15 years, I'd be lying.

Instead, I'll just let the pictures say more, and in a far better way, than I could ever dream of doing.

Instead, let me just share with you this gem, this cathedral, this ballpark that I call my home away from home. Taking my seat in the last row behind home plate, you can see it all. There's not a bad seat in the house, but to capture the majesty of this setting, nothing can beat Section 117, Row JJ, Seat 25. You can see Pittsburgh's skyline, a backdrop against the outfield, the skyscrapers towering over like monuments to that which has come before.

The field, where hopes and dreams are brought as offerings to the gods of baseball, each team hoping their prayer be heard and the winds carry their ball out of the park, or just let it drop in shallow right field.

You can see the antics of the fans on the big screen, dancing and cheering between innings (when they're not updating you with scores from out of town, showing plays of the week or Godzilla vs. Mothra...and no, I'm not making that last one up). It's also a great seat to watch people...those in their seats before you and those looking for something to eat, or a souvenir to remember the experience, behind.

And through it all, with the game on the field, the crowds around you, the energy and the life and all the magic that those produce, it's also just a great place to stop, breathe and be. Take in the moment. Savor that memory, that feeling that for just one moment, you can be a kid again. You can know what it's like to be free, to not have to worry about work, bills, family, life...whatever. Savor the moment, let the game take you.

Of course, then the home team loses another one-run game, and it's the mad dash to your car and fight 15,000 other fans to get back on the road and back to life.

That doesn't matter, however. For one fleeting moment, for a few hours...I was home. Back at my ballpark.

Back where I belong.

The difference between "refurbished" and "pre-owned"

Don Quixote is tilting at windmills again...

Okay, so here's the deal. Awhile back, I bought an XM Satellite radio. It was a good deal, and there was a $50 rebate.

Now this was a refurbished radio. Let me state that clearly and up front, but when I checked the fine print for the rebate, it didn't indicate word one about "refurbished" models. Pre-owned models weren't eligible, but the last time I checked, when something was sent back to the manufacturer and repaired, while it can't be sold as new, they do have to indicate it was refurbished.

Refurbished and pre-owned are two different things in my book.

Here's the best way I can describe it. I bought a radio new. It was DOA, so I have to send it back to get it repaired. It's easier for them to send me a new model, so they send me a new one, keep the defective one and ship me a new model. They fix the broken one and proceed to sell it, but it's not new. It's refurbished. That doesn't mean someone else owned it. The manufacturer had a defective unit replaced and are selling it again.

That's refurbished. Pre-owned is something different. Pre-owned means it's in working condition. It's fine. Might have a dent in the fender, but it still works. I either sell it to you or to someone else, who turns around and re-sells it. That's pre-owned. It was in good working condition and they're selling it again because they can't use it or they're trying to turn a profit or something like that.

I feel I'm getting screwed here out of my $50. This unit was sold refurbished. I know it's not "new", but you cannot tell me that a refurbished unit can be considered "pre-owned". It doesn't work that way.

Mind you, I've still got to call the company I bought it from because the battery in the radio can't hold a charge of more than 30 minutes off the base. I don't care if it's new, used, refurbished or whatever, that's just wrong.

I ain't happy, kids. I'm being bent over and reamed...

Miracles do occur occasionally

Yes, I am having a salad for dinner.

A nice Greek salad which I added a lovely lite raspberry kiwi vinaigrette.

Ate it all, too, 'cept for the eggs...and the pit they forgot to remove from one of the olives...

Laughter is the best medicine...

It's a good thing I live alone.
If someone else were with me, after this evening they'd have me locked away somewhere.

I haven't laughed this hard in...sheesh...I can't remember when.

Beerfest is more than likely not the kind of movie most readers of this blog would enjoy, but let me tell you, it was, by far, one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

Hearing Cloris Leachman say "If you can drink ram piss, fuck, you can drink anything" had me laughing so long and so hard, tears were flowing. I had to pause the movie for a good five minutes to regain my composure, text my best friend saying that I was laughing so hard I couldn't stop crying, wait for the phone call explaining the text, and then telling my best friend that we have to watch this together sometime before I could start the movie again.

Of course, I had to go back and hear Ms. Leachman...a venerable actress (and whenever I see her, I still say "Blucher" and go "neigh"...hardcore Mel Brooks fans will understand that one) talk about drinking ram's piss and stroke a smoked sausage in a sexually suggestive manner...well...I lost it all over again.

The Late Night Friday Flick is back, and it was kicked off again with a good one. Beerfest was damn good.

Oh, man...ram's piss...I can't stop laughing.

The last post on the Andre Rieu concert

...for 2007, at the very least.

And it's less a word and more a picture.

Me, at the concert, all dressed up.



The author does not guarantee he won't talk about Andre Rieu again, but this (should) be the last blog about a most excellent concert. Emphasis on "should".

A musical interlude

The following are lyrics to one of the songs performed last week during the Andre Rieu concert. It's a piece from the play Elisabeth, more popular with European audiences from what I've been able to gather, although I could be mistaken. I'm sharing it here because, besides being beautiful, I hope it's words touch your heart in some way...

I Belong to Me

I will not be well bred,
Obedient and well behaved,
I will not be steady,
And ready to be enslaved,
I don't want to be your property,
Cuz I belong to me,

When I walk the tightrope,
Don't stop me, Just let me try,
I want to take chances,
Find out what it takes to fly,
I don't care at all if you agree,
I belong to me,

If you try to range me on your own array,
You force me to leave you alone,
If you try to change me,
I'll just break away,
To be what I am on my own,

I'm freezing, I'm burning,
You can't put me on the shelf,
I'm growing, I'm learning,
To be even more myself,
I know it's not easy to be free,
But I belong to me,

I hate to be burdened,
With duties and ancient lies,
Can't stand to be touched,
By the looks of a thousand eyes,
I flee from the crowd in agony,
I just belong to me,

If you want to find me don't hold me so tight,
Don't break me and don't take me on,
If you try to hold me,
I'm ready to fight,
I'll shake off my chains and be gone!

I'm here when you need me,
I live and I die with you,
I'll share all your troubles,
I'll laugh and I'll cry with you,
You can blame me and bless me,
But you cannot possess me,
Cuz I belong to me,
To me!

Two hours and fourty minutes of Heaven on Earth

Friday night...
...scratch that.

Saturday Morning. Midnight.

Got home from the Andre Rieu concert about an 45 minutes ago.

Do I even have to tell you it was incredible?




Yes, there were moments when a tear popped into my eye, and My Kid was on my mind a bit, but it was beautiful. Sitting on the aisle in the center, three rows back, the view was amazing. The artists could see me as easily as I could see them (and given my good posture, odds are, they could see me more than anyone else in my section).

He did the standard fare: Strauss Waltzes, a polka or two, O Mio Bambino Caro (with the lovely Carmen Monarca singing...she is beautiful). There were some surprises, a new face or two (including a new soprano from Australia whose name I didn't catch, but whose voice...and figure...one could not ignore), and he did Bolero.

Bolero. I love Bolero! One of my all-time favourite pieces.

Of course, during the whole encore, the Pittsburghers stayed in their seats. I tried to stay standing and dance...yes, I did shake my moneymaker...when they played Marina, but given my height and girth, I didn't want to deprive the poor guy sitting behind me from seeing the stage.

Brahms' Lullabye came too quickly to close the show.

It was a beautiful, magical night. Wonderful. I loved every second of it. Maestro Rieu, thank you for another wonderful concert.

And if any of the ladies in the orchestra happen to read this blog, I was the goofball in the third row dancing...your beauty made the night all the better. :)

P.S. If you'd like to see more pictures, check out my flickr account!

Wake-up Call

Sunday morning. 6:30 AM.

I'm sleeping peacefully. Resting. No intention of getting up for at least another hour, when I hear a screeching outside my bedroom window.

I look outside and one of the local squirrels is sitting there.

(File photo of the offender, currently referred to as "Mooch" or "Hammy".)

He wants me to get up to feed him. I yell out the window to go away and let me sleep.

Next thing I hear is a couple "thuds" downstairs near the back door.

The damage is done. I'm awake. I go downstairs and look...the squirrel is jumping against the screen door!

Sigh.

No sleep for me, and no peanuts for him today.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mommies out there...

Things explained

Okay.

Last night's late-night post is what it is.

It's the morning. I had some sleep (but not enough) and I've made a phone call.
Things make a bit more sense now.

Still...it says something to me when you hear a therapist say "I don't trust my nursing staff" and "they don't have the time to do things properly".

Real confidence booster there. Makes me really happy I've entrusted my kid to your care.

Sigh...

Why is it that nurses in a hospital...a hospital...are able to feed My Kid properly, make sure she swallows, but the staff in the nursing home whose job it is to care for her are unable to do the same?

Why is it that, as soon as she gets back there, they say "oh, she's aspirating and we can't feed her and we want to put a tube in her stomach"? Are they that lazy that they can't take five fucking seconds to make sure she swallowed?

She needs help, yes. She doesn't remember how to eat. That's why I've put her in a home, to get her the help because I can't do it ...that's their fucking job.

First thing tomorrow morning, phone calls will be made. Pray for them I'm not as pissed as I am right this second.

I'm going to bed.

C'est la vie

Looks like my friend who said would accompany me to the Andre Rieu concert in two weeks can't make it. Business trips out of town and all that.

So I have an extra ticket. Anyone wanna join me? :-D

UPDATE!

Sorry, folks. The extra ticket's taken. :)

The visual definition of bittersweet

Most of you will understand what I say when I refer to this photo as the visual definition of bittersweet.

They came in the mail the other day.
It just won't be the same this year.
Likely, I'll shed a tear during the performance.
But I'll also smile, because it will be a beautiful thing.

For those of you who don't understand, please don't ask.
I've discussed it enough here before. Nothing more need be said.

Tom Petty did say it best...

The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part

So all I can do is wait.

Greetings from The Most Livable City in the US

It's the truth. According to The Places Rated Almanac, Pittsburgh PA is, for the second time (and the first city to repeat, I must add) the Most Livable City in the US.

Whoop-de-freaking-doo.

According to this article in today's Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, using a system of nine categories, we beat out such other notable cities as San Francisco, Seattle, Boston and Madison, Wisconsin to reach that valued #1 position.

And so help me Whomever, that's all we'll hear around here for the next year. The host of the local radio station I listen to each morning, I swear, mentioned it at least a half-dozen times in the first half-hour of his show. If someone made a drinking game on the number of times this will be mentioned, you'd likely drop dead from alcohol poisoning.

Sigh.

Well, at least I won't have to see this on the local news broadcasts. My satellite TV receiver is dead. Kaput. Ain't workin', jack.

They'll send me a replacement, but it's likely to not reach here until Monday. Quite honestly, I'll be fine with that. It just means this will be an unplugged weekend for me...and if I get truly bored, I'll pop in a DVD. No worries.

Last but by no means least, The Kid is still in the hospital, but at least last night when I went out to visit with her, she was doing a little bit better. She was able to recognize me and talk for a few minutes. She said she wanted to sleep, but then kept opening her eyes every few second to make sure I was still there. I thought it was cute, but decided to let her get some rest, so I kissed her on the forehead and left for the night.

Of satellites, long weekends and night drives...

Oh, where to begin...

* The kid's back in the hospital again. Another UTI. I've been spending the weekend calling family, going out to see her, checking up on her...

It's draining sometimes, but at least they've got her in the hospital, giving her antibiotics and liquids (dehydration accompnies UTIs with her, it seems) and have her under observation. Apparently she's been, unintentionally, making the nurses laugh. She's a tough cookie, that one. She's been asking the nurses if she's going to die and I told them what I told her (when she asked me the same thing): She's too stubborn to die.

Please don't be offended by that statement. The Kid and I have talked, and joked, about death many times. We've both accepted it as an inevitability, and we'd reached a point where we can joke about it. I have to keep joking. If I don't...well..

* Of course, it did make my nice, long, intent-on-relaxing weekend a little more stressful. Didn't do much by way of house cleaning, but I did get the grass cut out back. It needed it...was getting too high.

And for those who also check out my Storm Artists' page and wondered about the tulips in my back yard, yes, they survived and are in full-bloom right now. I've taken a few photos, and when I get a chance, I'll share them, either here or there.

* Finally, since I did mention satellites in the title, you figured I geeked out again. You'd be correct.

I bought a satellite radio. Pioneer has a portable satellite radio called the Inno that not only plays live XM satellite radio, it can also record the songs you're listening to, and play them back later. It's also an MP3 player to play your own MP3s.

Yes, I've been geeking. I'm also hooked on satellite radio.

When Freddy Mercury sang You had your time, you had the power/You've yet to have your finest hour , it was true. Radio still has a long, long way to go...and thankfully, this just goes to prove it.

Video is nice. Video is all well and good, but when it comes to music, when you're watching a video, you're seeing someone else's vision of the music...which might not be what you see. It limits you. It gives you a preconceived notion of what the music should be about instead of what it could be.

I should know. I spent far too many hours, days, months and years watching MTV (back in the day when they actually showed videos), and there are some songs, to this day, when I hear them play, mentally, all I see is the video. Nothing else. It's limited to just that video instead of what it could be.

The variety that satellite radio offers is a beautiful thing. Whether it be songs from a various era (they've stations dedicated to specific decades) to genres (you name it: jazz, "urban", country, reggae, and of course, the ten thousand forms of Rock and Roll), to specialty station (they've got Starbucks' HEAR music station), to talk to...well, you get the picture.

I can take the unit with me. Saturday night, after making sure The Kid was safely tucked in at the hospital, I stopped at a local Starbucks (one of several in the area...what a surprise), and since it was so nice out, sat outside under the stars, sipping my Vanilla Creme and listening to David Gray's The One I Love. Very cool indeed.

Give me my music. I'll let (most) everything else go...there are some things I cannot live without.

Google really does it all

How to get to from New York to Paris via Google Maps.

I recommend checking out #23.

Vienna comes to Toronto in December

Sigh...

If I were a rich man...

Okay, so I'm not Topol, but I can understand his lament.

Andre Rieu is coming to Toronto this December, and he's bringing a taste of Vienna with him. He's taking over the Rogers Centre for a massive concert with his orchestra, guest stars, dancers, an ice rink...

Check out this video from his website. They're showing scenes from the concert he gave last year in Schonbrunn, Vienna. I have this DVD...the concert was incredible.

For those of you unaware, I love Viennese Waltzes. I'll be attending the Andre Rieu concert here next month (a bittersweet affair, to be sure, because My Kid won't be able to attend...no doubt at some point during the show, I'll shed a tear or two), but to be able to attend this concert...with all the pomp, circumstance and elegance...would be incredible.

Ah, if I were a rich man...

Now we're cooking...

I am such a geek.

Recently, I bought a counter-top pizza cooker.

Being a guy, and a bachelor guy at that, I love pizza. Since my bachelor-hood started a little over eight months back, I've been buying more frozen dinners and pizza. When you only have to cook for yourself, why go to the effort of making a whole dinner when junk food works just as well.

During the Winter, this isn't a problem. I don't mind using the oven to cook a pizza, but with warmer weather approaching (someday), I won't be using the gas oven as much as I have been.

(For those curious why, it goes back to the days when I was a kid. The house didn't have A/C until I put whole-house in, back in 2000. The oven would heat the house us so much that, to this day, even with the A/C, I can't stand to have the oven on when it's hot out.)

So, after cleaning today, doing laundry, and being generally a domestic god, I figured today was the day to experiment, and play with my new (to borrow a phrase from Rene) boytoy.

Let me tell you, it works like a charm! It cooked the pizza fully in less time than the regular over would've taken, and it was cooked fully. I was amazed...so much so that I had to geek out and record it cooking while talking to a friend on the phone:



(C-Woo, I know this isn't a cookie, but it's as good as I can do at the moment...)

For the record, that was a Garlic Cheese Pizza. Yummy. I can still taste the garlic as I type this.

I've found a new gadget, and I love it. Onestar is full, and he is happy...

Friday the 13th

"Criminals are a cowardly and superstious lot..."

For some reason, when talking about superstitions, that quote pops into my head.
A cookie to the first person who knows where it came from.

So, yeah, it's Friday the 13th. I don't suffer from Triskaidekaphobia (although I did have to Google the word to make sure I spelled it correctly), and I haven't been superstitious of this day since I was a little kid (knock on wood).

But I suppose, deep down, I am a generally superstitious person.

Mind you, I'm nowhere near as bad as I have been, but I've looked, for signs and portents to guide my future. I've been careful not to step on any cracks (for fear of breaking mother's back, as the rhyme goes), walk under ladders or break any mirrors.

But I still have some superstitions that I have to this day. Sure, they might seem silly to the "thinking person", but it's one of those...it ain't broke, I ain't gonna fuck with it kinda deals.

Still, my fascination with Friday the 13th continues, and no, I'm not referring to the movies. Never did watch the Freddy movies...I dislike horror flicks...give me a good, mindless comedy any day of the week. Hell, even give me some of the more intelligent comedies. I'll watch them too.

The Wikipedia has an interesting entry on Friday the 13th. I'd go into some of them here, but I gave you the link. That way, if you wish to see, you can. If not...no biggie.

So, tell me, gentle viewer, do you have any superstitions? Any irrational (or rational) fears about this day? Share if you wish: Just watch out for any black cats that might cross your path.

Living in an offline world

And...we're back.

Yeah, I know. Updates here have been few and far between as of late.
There hasn't been much happening lately.

Winter's decided to stick around a bit longer, and honestly, as much as I love the season, even I am tired of it. I'd love to be able to open the windows at night and have the night sounds fill the room, instead of listening to the creaks and moans of the old house, and hear the furnace kick on occasionally.

I've been wanting to take some pics, but there's no motivation to use the camera. Also, I've been helping some friends out here in real life with some problems and things going on there, so I haven't been online too much.

Real life...what a concept...so foreign to me.

Other than that, not much else to tell. I know y'all hang on my every word (sarcasm mode off), so when something interesting happens, I'll share.

Offline

Religion is a subject I rarely discuss. It's one of those "internal" things I have, and one of the few subjects I will rarely talk about with others.

I was raised Roman Catholic, but I chose, years ago, to move away from the church. Yet, to this day, I still follow some of the traditions, the rituals that were drilled into my head as a youth.

One of them is Good Friday. For those unaware, on Good Friday, it's tradition to abstain from meat and fast between meals. I still do this to this day, but I've also added one small addition: When I'm not at work, I stay offline.

No internet. No computers. Television or Radio are acceptable, but that's about it.

My sacrifice of choice, and lemme tell ya, it's a big one. ;)

I'll likely be offline after I leave work today until late Saturday night.

Have a good weekend, everyone.

The Universe has a sense of humor

Two posts in one day.
Gotta pace myself...

Since this is my blog, it's all about me. You can go to other blogs, other places, and it's all about them. But here, my ego reins supreme, and everything here...it's all about me, baby.

Given that statement, someone who reads this blog must post over at the website Lifehacker. How else would they know to find a video on How to Sew on a Button.

I mean, c'mon.

There is no such thing as coincidence. Someone who reads this blog also knows I check the RSS feed from that site.

Fess up. Admit it. You're stalking me again, aren't you?

Yeah, I knew it. :-D

Sleep is a beautiful thing

And for the last couple nights, I've had the best sleep I've had in months.

P.S. Anonymous comments are no longer accepted as of this date. Sorry, stalkers...

100

This is my 100th post.

100 entries in this blog.

I'd love to have something intelligent, witty and memorable to say.

Honestly? I've nothing to say.

I considered reflecting on everything that's happened to me since I started this blog, but you can find that yourself. The back issues are there (I don't generally go into delete mode like some of my friends, but I have started deleting my old DeviantArt journals) and you can see it all for yourself.

I'd thought about posting something funny. There's something I'm working on, but it's not ready yet. Gimmie a week for that, and it might end up either here or over at SA.n

The Kid's doing pretty well, although some days aren't as good as others. She has moments when she's really cognizant and I can hold a good conversation with her...others, it's difficult. I won't lie. Last night, when I was there, she tried to take a drink of milk, but she took too big and it came back out. She doesn't even think about what she's doing: She just eats.

So what do I talk about?

Just a "hello" to my friends out there, and a thank you for being with me when I needed you. That's all.

Have a good night, kids. Here's to the next 100.

Fat Rant

The Fat Rant over at YouTube

I didn't make it.
But I did watch it.

I thought it was pretty good.

The further adventures of the modern bachelor

Since I was granted the status of "bachelor" seven-plus months ago, I've been dreading this day. I knew it would happen sometime. It was inevitable. Although it wasn't listed in one of Murphy's Laws directly, I know it's in there somewhere.

I've lost a button from one of my shirts, and I have no idea how to sew.

None whatsoever. I'm freakin' clueless in that department.

Well, maybe not totally clueless. I do know how to thread a needle...

I'm looking for a seamstress. If anyone knows how to replace a button from a shirt and wants to take pity on a poor, clueless stoopid guy, let me know.

It's not that big a deal, actually. It's the second button from the top on one of my shirts, and I can wear it open with a t-shirt underneath (and look damn good doing so in the process, if I may say so), so it's not that important. If you happen to be in the neighborhood and know how to sew, stop by.

Ice cream on me, afterwards. ;)

Been awhile, hasn't it?

When last we left our intrepid hero, Captain Onestar was trying to make it through hostile alien territory when his star cruiser's anti-matter containment system malfunctioned. Alone, desperate and lonely, it looked like all was lost for the beloved Captain, as marauding hordes of bug-eyed aliens swarmed toward his position...

Yeah, I know. I haven't posted anything in awhile. There is no excuse for me leaving you hanging with a cliffhanger of a posting, saying my car was at the shop, but not saying what happened? How dare I do such a thing to you, faithful friend and reader, for not finishing what I started?

Eh, seems I do that quite a bit anyway. Damn this ADD! Ooo...lookie at the pretty butterfly flying past...

...
...
...

...I'm sorry, what was I saying? Oh, yeah, the car.

Turns out the problem was the resevoir for the coolant. It was cracked and leaking. Between that and one of the gasket covers was leaking, my credit card too a $400 hit that I wasn't expecting. Still, since the car's 10 years old (and just passed 100k, as you well know), these things are to be expected.

Let's see. Anything else interesting happen in the last fortnight...

My Kid's 82 birthday was last Monday. The day before, we all had a big party for her out at the nursing home. She was so adorable, but it was still hard on a couple of my family members (one young, one not so young) who hadn't seen her in awhile, I think. I wish they could get out to see her more often, but...I can only do so much.

Looks like the medicade (long term nursing care) from the State will finally be approved, after four months. That's a good thing, more for the nursing home than anything else.

Work is work. Less I say about it, the better.

I'm still boycotting the RIAA for the month, but it's difficult sometimes. There are some CDs I'd love to buy, but can't, and it's been good, not spending the cash (now that I have a credit card payment again), but I have been investing in other toys.

This past weekend, I bought a Night Sun. For those of you wondering what that means, it's a honkin' big flashlight. 2.25 MILLION candlewatt power.

Why did I buy it, you ask? It was on sale. I'm a sucker for bargains like that.

Needless to say, I tried it at night at home, after I charted it up...holy crap in a hat, Batman. That is one bright sonofabeeyoch. Do NOT look directly at the thing, or your grandkids will be seeing spots.

Okay, that's all for now. Promise I won't leave you hanging in the lurch again (unless I get distracted or forget) and will try to stop back more often.

SIGH...

The car's at the shop tonight.
I was going out to dinner when I decided to stop at the car wash. Temperatures have (finally) popped above freezing, so it was safe to actually wash the car and not have it turn into an iceball overnight.

It needed it, trust me. There was so much salt on the thing...my red car was almost turned white.

So, I'm waiting my turn in line...go figure...and I notice the car's temperature going up. It happens when the car has to idle...I've known that for awhile...but then I started to smell coolant.

Finally got to the front when the attendant asks what my temperature is...because I'm leaking antifreeze. It was a good drip, he said. I should check it as soon as I get the car washed.

SIGH.

Get the car washed, pull over and check. Steam's starting to come out from under the hood. I check the levels...they look good. Had the radiator replaced last year, so I hoped it wasn't that. Called my friend (we were supposed to have dinner) and asked her if she could meet me at the dealership.

Of course, it's the middle of rush hour, and traffic is bumper to bumper. I took a few shortcuts I knew. Stopped a couple times to let the car cool off. Made it to the highway, praying the whole time my car wouldn't die right there in the middle of the road.

That little blinking "low coolant" light is not a pretty sight, let me tell you.

Got to the dealership, thankfully, before they closed. Left the car there overnight. I'm hoping it's just a hose, and not the reservoir. It looked like it might've been just the hose, but then I'm no car mechanic. Computers? Yeah. Cars? I know where to put the gas and how to change the radio station. That's about the extent of it.

Oh, well...here we go again.

Whatever happened to...

Tonight, I was watching Beastie Boys's "Fight for Your Right" video.
I'll admit, I like the Beastie Boys. They're my generation's Eminem...white rappers, but they can also rock.

Naturally, my brain decided to wonder...whatever happened to some of the "video babes" from those early- to mid-Eighties videos?

They're around my age, I figure...are they parents? Do they have daughters now, and are embarrassed if their kids see them in those videos? Are they driving mini-vans, doing the whole "soccer mom" thing?

It's one of those strange thoughts that I have on occasion...

Boycott the RIAA - Gizmodo link

Gizmodo's Anti-RIAA Manifesto

It's well known I love music. It's also well known that I dislike downloading music, and there are various reasons for that. Varying quality due to different bitrates. Hearing the difference uncompressed music offers (does anyone else besides me remember dynamic range, or am I alone in that category?). The tactile sensation of holding that CD you bought and had to struggle to get out of the shrink wrap.

These are the little things that makes music enjoyable.

And yet, for the month of March, I'm not going to buy CDs.

I'm supporting the boycott Gizmodo has started against the RIAA. If there's something out there from a smaller record label that's not affiliated with them, I'll consider it.

Read the article for yourself.

I did, and because of it, I'm sharing the link with you.

Sunday afternoon surprise

Ohmigawd.
Ohmigawd.
Ohmigawd.

(Jeez, I sound like this flowerpetal I know...)

So I'm coming up from the basement, where I'm doing laundry (the domestic god Onestar does iron, ladies) and happen to catch a glimpse of something sitting on the birdbath in the backyard.

I thought at first it was a squirrel sitting up on its haunches, but when I took a closer look...it was a hawk!

We've got a couple that call my neighborhood "home", but this was the first time he came so close to the house: Usually, I see them perched on top of the church steeple the next block over.

He was beautiful.

Thankfully, he stayed long enough for me to get the camera...



It...was...so...cool!

A song for the moment

Just 'cause.

When I need you
I just close my eyes and I'm with you
And all that I so want to give you
Its only a heartbeat away

When I need love
I hold out my hands and I touch love
I never knew there was so much love
Keeping me warm night and day

Miles and miles of empty space in between us
The telephone cant take the place of your smile
But you know I wont be traveling forever
Its cold out, but hold out, and do I like I do
When I need you
I just close my eyes and I'm with you
And all that I so wanna give you babe
Its only a heartbeat away

Its not easy when the road is your driver
Honey thats a heavy load that we bear
But you know I wont be traveling a lifetime
Its cold out but hold out and do like I do
Oh, I need you

When I need love
I hold out my hands and I touch love
I never knew there was so much love
Keeping me warm night and day

When I need you
I just close my eyes
And youre right here by my side
Keeping me warm night and day

I just hold out my hands
I just hold out my hand
And I'm with you darlin'
Yes, I'm with you darlin'
All I wanna give you
Its only a heartbeat away
Oh I need you darling

Written by Albert Bammond & Carol Bayer Sager
Performed by Leo Sayer

Who said a man may work from sun to sun?

Okay, so I originally posted this over on my Storm Artist's page, but really, it belongs over here...with a few changes...

Whoever said weekends are for relaxing obviously wasn't a homeowner.

Being a bachelor is a wonderful thing, lemme tell ya, but there are times when it can be exhausting, especially when you own your own home and spend all your free time trying to keep it clean.

Yes, folks, I clean. Cleaned the toilet and the rest of the bathroom, dusted, polished the furniture, ran the sweeper, scrubbed the kitchen floor, and did three loads of laundry Sunday afternoon. This was after spending a good part of Saturday out with The Kid...but that's another story for another time.

Of course, it's not Monday morning, and I'm back at work, so there wasn't much of a chance to relax. 5:30 comes REALLY early in the morning, especially after sleeping in on the weekend (until 8:30).

At one time, it was suggested (by someone who almost became Mrs. Onie...but we all know how that worked out) that we get someone into the house to clean it. I never felt comfortable with that, and not because I didn't like the thought of some stranger coming into my house.

It's more of a matter of pride, I suppose. I was raised, trained, how to clean and keep a neat house. I'm not above getting down on my hands and knees and scrubbing the floor. I'm not above running the vacuum cleaner or dusting.

I own my home. It's my responsibility to keep it clean. Might not do as good as job as some, but at the end of the day, I can say...I did that.

And besides, I'd have to clean the place before whomever got there! I can't have them see a dirty house, for pity's sake... ;)

March of the Librarians

March of the Librarians.

I worked in a library for 13+ years, starting as a part-timer in the end processing unit (slapping plates inside the front cover, stamping the ends of the books and hiding tattletape in the spines), working my way up to a courier, to a page, to a stackmaster (please don't ask), before finally landing the prime gig of Return Desk Nazi at the Circulation Desk.

I was so proud.

So, libraries (and librarians in particular, having dated a few in my day) are of a particular interest to me.

I found this parody of March of the Penguins over at Neatorama, and watched with particular glee. You may not find it as funny as I did, but then you haven't spent hours upon hours of making sure books are shelved in the correct call number order...

Snow, freezing rain, sleet...it's all good

The worst snowstorm in years has hit here.
There's a good six inches of the white stuff outside. I've shoveled twice already, and I'll probably go out and shovel again pretty soon.

Except now I hear the freezing rain hit the window.

My boss let us leave work early today. I came home, had some lunch and took a nap.

My heart goes out to whomever has to work outside today. It goes out to those who can't stay home and just watch the snow fall.

No worries about me. I'll be safe and sound. It's all good. :)

Presenting OneDesktop 2007: The Breakdown

If you're reading this, you're obviously bored beyond words. I cannot help you.

1. The PC itself. Hasn't been upgraded too much (although a new motherboard with native SATA support and an extra 512MB RAM, brining it up to a total of 2GB, were added late last year), and still works for me very well. This baby will NOT see Vista anytime soon.

2. Palm Tungsten T3. Four-and-a-half year old PDA. Works great, but if I get 20 minutes out of the battery these days, I'm lucky.

3. Wireless router. Encrypted. Don't even think about hacking my network. I'll hunt you down and hurt you. Seriously.

4. 1994 World Series Baseball. My precious.

5. Assorted stuff, as follows:

Rings (in ring cases)
Gorillapod (small)
Bluetooth GPS unit
Paper holder

6. Rocket (sitting atop a speaker)

7. 18" display (currently showing my Flying Toasted screen saver...perhaps the finest screen saver ever created)

8. Logitech Quickcam, for when I feel like showing off to the world.

9. Assorted desk toys. Boys must have their toys, after all. In no particular order:

Dragon statues
Miniature bottle of Tabasco
Hot Wheels motorcycles
Incomplete roll of pre-1970 pennies (still collecting them)
Silver quarter (1960)
CR 2032 battery (slightly obscured)

10. Antz (sitting atop the other speaker)

11. HP Deskjet Photoprinter. A workhorse of a printer. The photo ink cartridge is the red thing sitting down on the desk next to the other speaker.

12. Green Arrow. One of my all-time favourite comic book heroes.

13. Some random Star Wars starfighter.

14. Canceled check statements I've yet to go through. One of these years...

15. R2-D2. He makes noise when you push his chest. Envy me.

16. My favourite object d'art.

17. My scanner. Sitting atop the scanner are papers I have to scan. Packing slips, mostly. I try and make electronic copies of the important papers, and then forget where I store them...

18. The Junk Pile.

Okay, let's see...we've got my iRiver H10 (20GB) player, some random CDs and cases,
another GPS unit (because one cannot have enough GPS receivers lying around the house), a 100GB external hard drive (music backup), a CD case (buried on the bottom), some more rings, pens, a tablet, Hoffa (sike!), a letter opener, assorted other odds and ends...

Venture into The Junk Pile at your own risk.

19. Top Desk Drawer, with some more desk-related items. It's not open for a reason.

20. Bottom Desk Drawer. See above, but it's the bottom drawer.

21. My leather desk chair. Nice high back. Fits my butt well. Those who see and sit in it are envious.

22. UPS (off screen) and Logitech Wingman Wireless game controller (also off screen).

23. Sliding keyboard tray (installed by yours truly).

24. Logitech G15 Keyboard. Note the function keys on the left side. That's what sold me on this keyboard. I'm used the old Gateway 2000 keyboard with the function keys on the left. Those programmable keys are a lifesaver for an old hacker like me, used to keyboard shortcuts.

25. USB Flash drives (2). The larger blue one is 512MB, and the smaller gray one is 2GB.

26. Usually blank space, currenly occupied by a CD I've got to remember to send the Priestess, and a fortune from a fortune cookie. :)

27. Logitech (yes, I do buy a lot of their stuff, 'cause it works) wireless mouse and wrist rest. Please note the cardboard mousepad I use.

I put far too much effort into this. Looks like you're not the only one bored out there...

I bought my own car yesterday

If you just looked at the title of this entry, no doubt, you'd be a bit confused.

My 97 Saturn, which just recently passed 100,000 miles, was in My Kid's name. When we bought it all those years ago, she was eligible for discounted "first-time" buyer financing, even though I'm the one who made all the payments on the car.

From the onset, we called it "our car", even though she used it all the time, did all the driving (this was after she was fired from her job) so she could go out and have some feeling of independence.

Even after her vision started to get bad, she stopped driving and I started driving it full-time, we left it in her name. I told her it'd be easier to keep the handicapped placard if it was in her name, but really, it was just so she could still feel useful, important...it didn't matter to me, honestly.

When I had to start the application process for her nursing home benefits, there was a concern I'd have to sell the car off, but they said no. One car is exempt. Anything more than that, and I'd have had to sell it.

Out of everything else I had to take care of, switching the car to my name was the last to accomplish. The original title to the car became lost somewhere in the house, so I had to order a new one. It arrived last week, so yesterday, I went to our local AAA (they're authorized to handle such things in Pennsylvania), and had the title transferred.

So, yeah, I own my own car now. A strange feeling, to say the least, but over the past year-plus, I've come to accept the strange things in life as the norm.

Song for the day

And I would do anything for love
I'd run right into hell and back
I would do anything for love
I'd never lie to you and that's a fact
But I'll never forget the way you feel right now,
Oh no, no way
And I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that

Anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that

Some days it don't come easy
Some days it don't come hard
Some days it don't come at all, and these are the days that never end
Some nights you're breathing fire
Some nights you're carved in ice
Some nights you're like nothing I've ever seen before or will again

Maybe I'm crazy, but it's crazy and it's true
I know you can save me, no-one else can save me now but you

As long as the planets are turning
As long as the stars are burning
As long dreams are coming true
You'd better believe it, that I would do

Anything for love
And I'l be there until the final act
I would do anything for love, and I'll take a vow and seal a pact
But I'll never forgive myself if we don't go all the way, tonight
I would do anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that

I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that

Some days I pray for silence
Some days I pray for soul
Some days I just pray to the god of sex and drums and rock 'n' roll
Some nights I lose the feeling
Some nights I lose control
Some nights I just lose it all when I watch you dance and the thunder rolls

Maybe I'm lonely, that's all I'm qualified to be
That's just one and only, the one and only promise I can keep

As long as the wheels are turning
As long as the fires are burning
As long as your prayers are coming true
You'd better believe it, that I would do

Anything for love
And you know it's true and that's a fact
I would do anything for love, and there'll never be no turning back
But I'll never do it better than I do it with you. So long, so long
I would do anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that
No, no, no, I won't do...

I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do...

But I'll never stop dreaming of you ev'ry night of my life, no way
I would do anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that

Will you raise me up? will you help me down?
Will you get me right out of this godforsaken town?
Will you make it all a little less cold?

I can do that
I can do that

Will you hold me sacred? Will you hold me tight?
Can you colourise my life, I'm so sick of black and white?
Can you make it all a little less old?

I can do that
Oh no, I can do that

Will you make me some magic with your own two hands?
Will you build and emerald city with these grains of sand?
Can you give me something I can take home?

I can do that
I can do that

Will you cater to every fantasy I got?
Will you hose me down with holy water, if I get too hot?
Will you take me places I've never known?

I can do that
Oh no, I can do that

After a while you'll forget everything
It was a brief interlude and a midsummer night's fling
And you'll see that it's time to move on

I won't do that
I won't do that

I know the territory, I've been around
It'll all turn to dust and we'll all fall down
Sooner or later you'll be screwing around

I won't do that
No, I won't do that

Anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that

One Hundred Thousand Miles

Tonight, the car hit 100,000 miles. For my metric friends, I believe this converts to either 2.754 million kilometers, or 12 hectares.

Not bad for a ten-and-a-half year old car.

I was ready for it. Had the camera with me when I went out to dinner tonight.

Stopped at one of the local malls after getting a bite to eat to wander around, visit with a friend that works at one of the local stores (thankfully, it wasn't busy so we could chat for a few minutes), and then got back in the car to go for a tea and a stop at Barnes and Noble.

Headed out of the parking lot, it happened.

I even used the camera to record a video. Mind you, it's not the best quality, but what do you expect when I'm driving with my left hand and holding the camera with my right, while watching the road...

Still, I think it was pretty good. See for yourself (and this is the first time I've used YouTube, so be gentle):

Unknown Caller

It's most annoying.

Someone's been calling the house for the past few days, and the caller ID says it's "Unknown Caller".

I was home for one of those calls. Answered the phone, but no one spoke.

I must admit, I love the sounds of silence as much as the next person, but really, if you're gonna call me, say something.

If you're the person who's been calling me and not saying a thing, at least leave a message if I'm not here, willya?

I'm sure you'll find me a most delightful person to have a conversation with.

Just don't call right now, please. I'm watching my new Andre Rieu DVD, New York Memories. The music is turned up and I won't be able to hear you.

Walkabout

It's just about 30 degrees outside. For our metric-speaking friends, that means it's below freezing. There's a light snow falling. The streets are clear, as are most of the sidewalks. It's not sticking...yet...but odds are, by quitting time, it'll start to cling and make the drive home a nightmare.

And I just got back in the office from a nice, long walk.

Odds are, at least one of you (I'd wager my High Priestess, most likely) is shaking your head and wondering how to contact the local mental institution. No worries about that...I know where it is, and yes, it's in walking distance from here.

I didn't need to go out for a walk. There was nothing I needed. Granted, I did have some bills I had to drop in the mail, but we have a mail pickup here in the building. I already had my lunch: One of those frozen entrees, some pudding, and a nice drink of water, so I didn't need to go out for food. I'm not the most health-conscience creature on this planet (please, restrain yourselves, I know that must come as a shock), so it wasn't for the exercise.

Why then did I go for a walk?

Because.

There's something beautiful and magical about walking when it's snowing outside. I feel a certain inner peace, a tranquility that is so rare. I loaded up my little MP3 player (an older model, discontinued, but still one of the best I've ever used) with some tunes, bundled up and went out the door.

Walked about a mile, I figure. I really should consider investing in one of those little pedometers, in only because they're cool gadgets, and I am a gadget geek. It really wasn't that cold out: I didn't need gloves, my face wasn't cold or flustered, and there was no wind to speak of. Great walking conditions, actually.

I've found a certain...peace...over the years from walking. Just me and the pavement under my feet can be very relaxing, giving me a chance to either think about problems or just not think at all. It's rare for my mind to actually stop thinking, and yes, I'm aware there's medication for that, but I have a serious problem with drugs. I've seen the meds they've given My Kid over the years...I think I'll pass, thank you very much.

For about a half-hour, it was just me and the likes of Johnny Cash, Joe Walsh, Queen, Norah Jones, and Alanis Morissette. Every once in awhile, there'd be a slight breeze and snow'd blow in my face, but that wasn't a problem. Brushing away snowflakes is much more favourable than wiping away tears.

It gave me the chance to think, to reflect, to come to a resolution to recent events. I think I understand now what happened, but honestly, I'll never know for sure. Still, I'll be happy with my take on it, and I can move on. After all, that's what we do in life, isn't it? Take one step at a time, one day at a time, and see where the road will lead us?

I know I'll be walking that path, enjoying the moment while wondering what lies ahead.

Maybe I should've stayed home instead...

Saturday. It's usually the quiet day of the week, spent around the house sleeping in, cleaning up, doing laundry, and whatever else needs to be done because there isn't enough time during the week.

Today, however, I decided to treat myself to a nice evening out. Dinner, bookstore, coffee shop...that's what passes for excitement for me.

So I head out, across the river to the Waterworks at La Cappella (one of my favourite little Italian restaurants around here) to start my night out.

Across the bridge, it's a quick hop over route 28 and I'm ready...wait...why isn't this idiot not stopping...

A quick slam on the breaks and lay on the horn.
Some jackass pulls out, right in front of me.

I stop before I hit him, but the guy driving the Jeep behind me (who thankfully wasn't going fast), couldn't stop before he tapped my bumper.

We both pull over. Neither one of us took any damage, we were both all right, and we both agreed that guy was a jackass for pulling out like that.

That was step one.

Get to the restaurant with no further problems, go inside and get a seat. It's always interesting being the only person in the place eating alone, but it gives me a chance to watch the world around me.

Of course, ten minutes past before the waitress shows up to take my order, but once again, it's all good. I can look out the window and see the world pass by.

She brings the soup. Wedding soup. I love wedding soup, but this is more broth than soup, and the broth doesn't taste all that good. Sigh...

That was step two.

I finish dinner, which was really good, all things considered. Baked three cheese farfalle pasta with sausage. Tasty.

Finish dinner and go to stage two: The evening at the coffee shop. Order myself some chai tea from Caribou Coffee, who has the best chai out there, and am ready to sit back and enjoy the rest of the night...

...until I see my horoscope for today.

It says to "take the morning to do what you need to do because your home may be the center of entertaining tonight".

...

Screw step three. I came back home and decided to call it an early evening. I've already tempted fate. I ain't takin' any more chances.

WYSIWYG

Odds are, since you're reading this on a computer, you're familiar with the term "WYSIWYG".

What You See Is What You Get.

It just means that, what you see when you type on the screen when you're writing a document, or making a web page, is what will appear when you're ready to publish or print. I did a quick check of the Wikipedia, and they say there that it became popular on the Flip Wilson show. I remember that show, but I don't remember Geraldine saying "WYSIWYG".

I like to think I'm also WYSIWYG. I'm a fairly straightfoward person. Sure, we all have our hidden secrets and demons in our respective closets, but I have no hidden agendas or plans to take over the world. Considered taking over the world once, but realized it'd be a bitch to manage, and honestly, I've better things to do with my time. Oh, I suppose I'd have my choice of places to manage it from, but with so many people complaining all the time, it just wouldn't be worth it.

I don't want much. I don't need much. There are some things I'd like to have, but I'm also realistic enough to know I'll never have them. I've had dreams. I've had desires, ranging from carnal to the technological and various points in-between. I've had love and lost it, been loved and not wanted it, and realized some things just aren't meant to be.

I make mistakes. I'm only human, so sometimes, I'm blind to them. I like to think I learn from them, but realistically, I don't always succeed in doing so. It gets very frustrating when the people I care for, and supposedly care for me in return, won't talk to me and tell me about the mistakes I've made. It's very frustrating when I can't talk about things, when I get closed out. I don't get angry, I get frustrated, which is far, far worse in the grand scheme of things. Frustration can stop me in my track, rendering me, for the most part, impotent and depressed and then, I just don't give a damn about anything.

Sometimes, I'm blind to the fact that not everyone else in the world is WYSIWYG. I can see both sides to most arguments, but I have trouble accepting, at times, that not everyone is straightforward and upfront. Some folks choose to be...some folks can't help it, closing themselves off to the world because they are afraid of being hurt or just don't know what to say.

If you have a question of me, ask it, and I'll answer. If you need something from me, tell me, and I'll move Heaven and Earth to get it. It's when I get cut out, closed off, shut out...

What You See Is What You Get. That's me. That's all I have to offer. Sometimes, though, I guess that's just not good enough.

Sammiches

This is a pastrami and cheese sammich. Specifically, it's a Primanti Bros' pastrami and cheese sammich. Yes, that's coleslaw and french fries on the sammich.

I'm sharing this for the folks who've never had a Primanti Bros' sammich, so they can see what they're missing.

I'm also sharing this with those who have had their sammiches, but aren't in Pittsburgh to savor their goodness.

And, also, because I'm just evil!

Exhausted

Man, I talk a lot over here, don't I?

I spent the whole day taking down the Christmas decorations and putting the normal stuff back up. Some stuff didn't get back, tho...a couple magnets, some pictures, a snow globe...a few little things.

The house seems emptier now. That happens after the tree and stuff comes down. It's all good, tho. Can't leave the tree up all the time, after all. It wouldn't be the same if it were up all year 'round.

But it took me almost 10 hours to do. Damn, I am tired now...

Last night...talking 'bout last night...

For those who don't know, the title of this installment is a line from a song by the Traveling Wilburys. For some reason, it's stuck in my brain this morning. Too bad the CD's out of print, and I sold off my copy years ago. There was some good music on there...

---(*)---

Here's a bit of free advice, a life-lesson, as it were, to anyone who might be listening.

If you're not used to having dinner late at night, right before you go to bed, don't eat something big and heavy.

I didn't get home until late, and I didn't have dinner until about 9:30, and then went to bed about an hour and a half later.

That pasta is still not lying well. Of course, not having lunch during the day didn't help matters...

---(*)---

So, you ask, why did you eat so late? Well, I took a ride out to see The Kid last night.

She's doing a bit better these days, but there are some new issues we're dealing with.

She's jumpy. Every little sound, every door that closes, every phone than rings, she hears and she has to respond to. They moved her room earlier this week because she heard the (albeit heavy) kitchen door slam shut, and she'd jump and become nervous. Since they've got a fair amount of people in there, it opens and closes a lot.

They moved her around the corner, to another room, but now there's a phone right outside her door. Whenever it rings, she's always saying "will someone answer that phone!"...and not always quietly, if you know what I mean.

When we talked the other night, she said she had some things to tell me, but couldn't. I asked her if there was anyone listening, and she said no, so I asked her to tell me just one thing.

She asked when she was coming home. First time she'd done that since this started five months ago, but we already talked about that.

Last night, I went out to talk to her, to see if she was going to ask again, or if there was something else on her mind. She didn't tell me, but when my brother called, she asked him why she was in the hospital when she didn't feel sick. He called me later and said he'd told her that she was having problems walking and couldn't feel her feet (although she swore she could), and said that she was somewhere where they could help her.

On one hand, this is a good thing, I guess. She's not fully aware (at least, that's what she tells us) that she's in a nursing home. It makes things difficult because we can't explain things logically to her, to try and get her to understand what's going on. I have to choose my words carefully, as if trying to explain nuclear physics (something about which I have no clue) to a four-year old. Or maybe like trying to hold onto Jell-O.

Actually, the Jell-O might be easier to hold onto.

It's frustrating on our part (and believe-you-me, if there's one thing I understand, it's frustration) trying to deal with this. The people that work there, especially a good friend of mine who's there, help out, so we're really not alone in this. Still, as some of you know, it's not easy trying to fathom something like this.

All I can do is focus on the fact that she's someplace where they can take care of her.
I'll deal with the questions whenever they appear.

And now for something completely different

For a change, I'm going to post a positive blog. I know this will be a shock for many of you. Please forgive me. We'll go back to depressing posts soon enough.

I think I've found my reason for living. I think I've found what will be, perhaps, the coolest thing I will ever see and something that, when it comes out, I will...nay...I must buy!

This won't make my life complete, but it'll damn sure make it sound good.

Pardon me while I clean up the drool.

I've had a Radio Shark for awhile, and there's nothing cooler than turning my expensive PC into a basic radio. Actually, it's more than just a receiver: It's like a TiVO for radio.

I've complained (shocker, I know) about the sad state of terrestrial radio in the past, the lack of choices, and the "clear" monopoly that's placed radio in a stranglehold. Satellite radio offers more choices, yeah, but through a subscription service.

HD Radio does offer a choice, through "sub-channels", as it were, of different formats and choices, but the receivers are still expensive. I'm waiting to see when this comes out...it'll not only (hopefully) be a less-expensive option, but to let me record radio? Sweet.

Heaven in a USB port. I love it!

Five months

It was five months ago today that The Kid went into the hospital.
Tonight was the first time she asked if she could come home.

It was a question I'd been waiting for and dreading at the same time. How do I explain it to her that this isn't her home anymore, that where she is now is her home?

I told her that, "you know, you haven't walked in a really long time and there's no way you could make it around the house, up the stairs, and they're gonna take really good care of you out there".

One of the hardest things I've ever had to say.

I know the subject will come up again. I know I'll have to tell her again and it'll be easier.

Tonight, tho...

I'll be fine. No worries about me.

Five months to the day.

The fun just never stops.

I once theorized that the new year can be summed up within its first 45 days.
If, after the first 45 days are done, and things don't look so good, you can pretty much write the year off, go back to bed, and stay there until the next year.

As it stands right now, I'm getting ready to go back to bed.

I've gotta take the car into the shop because (I hope) one of the muffler brackets is either broken or missing. The car makes a wonderful noise whenever I stop now...sounds like an elephant farting, if you ask me.

I called them earlier to see if they have any openings, but got no answer, so I'm just driving out there. Might sit there all day, but I've got nothing better to do.

Sigh...

Oh, and is it any wonder that the 45th day of the year is the ever-hated Valentine's Day? The Universe has a sense of humor, I've found...

Update: It was just the strap. Granted, that was an unexpected bill, but it wasn't a big one, thankfully. Sigh redux.

Random thoughts from a nonlinear mind

Tuesday night.
10:25PM.

Sitting on the couch with the laptop.
Playin' some music.
TV's on, but I'm not that interested in watching it.

Eva Cassidy's singing "It doesn't matter anymore" as I start this blog about, basically, nothing.

I just feel like typing.

I've been on vacation since the 22nd of December, and it feels great. I'm not gonna wanna go back to work come January 8th, I can tell that now. 5:30 in the morning is going to come very, very early that day. I'll have to fight the urge that I've developed to roll over in my big, new and extremely comfy bed to roll over and go back to sleep.

Unless, that is, I hit the Powerball, but that's not likely to happen, since I won't play it anymore.

There's a joke along those lines...

Every day, Marvin would get up and pray, "Dear God, let me hit the lottery", and every day, Marvin wouldn't hit the lottery.
Day in and day out, Marvin would pray, "Dear God, let me hit the lottery", but once again, Marvin wouldn't win.
Finally, one day, Marvin says, "Dear God, let me hit the lottery". The skies parted and God said back to him "Marvin, at least meet me halfway and buy a lottery ticket".

I still think that's a funny joke.

Song's switched to Jackson Browne's Here Comes Those Tears Again.

I do love that song.

The Christmas tree's still up. I'll probably leave the stuff up for another weekend at least. I rather like how it lights up the room. It gives the living room a great, soft glow, even if it does screw with the thermostat, making the room think it's warmer than it really is (the tree's about three to four feet from the sensor...throws off the readings...but since I'm a single guy, it doesn't bother me that much. I'll just throw on a sweater).

Norah Jones is asking me What am I to you right now. A fair question, don't you think?

Sure, I type fast, but I also pause every once in awhile to catch my thoughts, or scratch something, much like I just scratched a bite on the side of my head.

Oh, well. I'll just go back to flipping around on the TV and listening to some more music. Not much more to say, really. I'm just waiting, that's all...waiting and wondering. More of a holding pattern, I'd guess, but that's all right. I'll wait. I think the wait's worth it.

Gives me a chance to breathe.

The Onestar Philosophy

In my life, I've come to a few conclusions about myself...

• I've learned to enjoy the time I have with my friends, because sooner or later, friends grow apart.
• There's no sense in staying mad at anyone or anything. It won't bother them, and all it will do is eat away at your soul.
• I don't screw, lay, poke, fuck, hump, bone, or have sex. I make love.
• You leave me alone, I'll leave you alone.
• I don't believe in working any longer than I have to. When its quitting time, I am out the door. You don't like it, tough.
• Life is too short to rush through. Slow down, take your time, and relax.
• I don't believe in politics. They're a game for the rich and the idle few.
• It may be trite, but I'm a lover, not a fighter.
• I no longer know what the future has in store for me. Everything I once thought would be...no longer is. I prefer to live my life one day at a time, and wait and see what tomorrow will bring.
• Don't tailgate me while I'm driving. Instead of going faster, I'll slow down on your ass.
• There is no such a thing as coincidence. I don't believe in it.
• Also, I don't believe in if anymore. It's an illusion.
• Real women have curves. I've never been attracted to waif-thin supermodels, and probably never will.
• I can live without TV. I can't live without music.
• Try and see things from the other's person point of view. Respect their opinion while maintaining your own.
• As a good friend has taught me, take the time to breathe and be.
• Remember you're not gonna be right all the time. Just never admit you're wrong. ;)
• Never say never. There are just too many possibilities in life...you have no idea what tomorrow will bring.
• It's not the destination that's important, it's the journey.
• I get frustrated. We all do. I've learned to step back and take a breath when that happens, and just try again.
• I'll try just about anything once, but there are some things I will not do.
• I won't drink, I won't smoke, and I won't get involved in a menage a trois. Why piss off two women when I can piss of one just as easily?
• Try not to go to bed angry. It just ruins a perfectly good night's sleep.
• Believe it or not, I try to stay fairly upbeat.
• And last but not least, I like to smile. Especially at the damnedest times...it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Sleeping in tomorrow

This...is my new bed.

I'd been sleeping in the same, small, crampt twin-sized bed for the last...well...let's just say it's been a long, long time since.

I'd wanted to get a new, bigger bed for some time, but My Kid and I had butted heads on the subject. She swore it couldn't fit in my room (this picture should prove otherwise, although I did have to move some furniture around to make it fit), and probably couldn't understand why I wanted one.

I stand six-foot-two, and I am not a small man by any means. I outgrew that bed years ago, but out of respect for her (and her fear of change) I didn't get the new bed.

Now, however, there's been nothing stopping me from getting it.

One of the things I had planned for during my vacation was to get the bed. I ordered it on Wednesday and they delivered it today. The Original Mattress Factory. Great place. Good prices. You can even get a tour of the factory to see them make the beds (as long as the tour doesn't put you to sleep...get it? Bed? Sleep? I'm so funny...).

It's taken a long time to get to this point, but sometimes, we have to wait for these things. Things that we have to work for, wait for, are generally those that are most important in our lives. They've been truly earned, and that's sweeter than anything else.

Rest assured, tomorrow morning, I'll be sleeping in. I like to think I've earned that rest.

Little things

In the last few months, I've had a lot of time to think about myself, who I am, and I've come up with a few answers. I know there's still more about "me" that I've yet to discover, but for the short term, this is what I know...or at the very least, what I think I know:

• I live for the little things in life. I'm at my happiest when I've found some small pleasure in my day.
• I love it quiet. Loud, noisy places do nothing for me (with the exception of baseball games...there's a strange sense of peace I've found at the ballpark).
• I like sunrises and sunsets. There's a tranquility to them that few people understand.
• I'll never be a rich man. I'll be lucky if I can stash a little extra away somewhere. It's all right, tho. Wealth doesn't equate to happiness.
• I'm not that fond of big, expensive toys anymore, I think. Sure, they're nice, but what purpose do they serve? I'm happy with what I have. I don't need a 100 inch TV. There's no room for it in the house. The one I have is good enough for me.
• I'd still rather give than receive.
• I believe in making sure others are taken care first.I would love to share my life with someone, but I'm not looking for someone to control, or someone to control me. I want a partner. I want someone to do things with together, to see the world not only through my eyes, but through theirs as well (although I promise to clean their eyes off before I give them back).
• I've made mistakes in my life...some of them little, some of them huge...and all I can do at this point is apologize. I won't ask for forgiveness. That's something that has to be offered and earned.
  
• There are many, many things that are beyond my control, and that's cool with me. I've no desire to control another person's life or make their decisions. I've done that. It's not as much fun as you might think.
• I'm thick as a brick. Tell me when I do something wrong, or something right for that matter.
• I learn from my mistakes.
• And last, but not least, I believe in balance. In fact, I'm at my best when I'm balancing someone else out. Alone, I'm okay...but when I'm able to provide balance for someone else, things make more sense, somehow. It's a Libra thing, I guess.

This is what I've learned so far, and you know what the best part is? Everyday, I learn something new, and I look forward to finding out all these really cool things about me.

After all, as I've said before...I'm just me. Nothing more and nothing less.

Not necessarily a year in review

2006 is rapidly coming to a close, and for the most part, I couldn't be more thankful.

Why is it that people are ready to offer "year in review" columns when the year isn't over yet? Are we that obsessed with speed, time, and getting things out so early? What's next? The 2008 Year in Review next month?

(Although, if they were to give me winning lottery numbers, I wouldn't complain too much...)

I'm not doing that. I'm not going to sit here and recap what happened to me this year because, with one exception, I'd much rather forget this year. This had to be one of the worst, if not the worst, year of my life.

Best to let it stay in the past, move on, and look forward to the future.

I'm also not going to try and review what happened in the world this year, because, and forgive me for this, I was too busy taking care of my own life to really give a shit. Politicans did what they usually do, celebrities were obsessed with keeping their name in the limelight, people were born and people died. Same as last year, same as this year, same as the next.

I've been more concerned about my friends, those I care for, those I've lost and found. I'll miss and mourn those I've lost, and I'll carry their memory with me. For those I've found, I just look forward to what the future brings, the hopes and promises of a new day.

So let's let 2006 pass into the night as it should, with quiet respect and reverence. It's part of history now, mostly. Let's look toward tomorrow...together.

Quiet time

Saturday night. 11:30 PM.
My living room.
Nothing on but the Christmas lights and the glow of the laptop.

Listening to "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by the Rolling Stones. A gift from a dear friend.

Went out and saw My Kid today. She looked and sounded pretty good. Voice was strong, she was sharp and alert. It was a good day.

We talked...although I did most of the talking. She did joke around a little and talk some. She's doing pretty good, but she's nowhere near where she once was.

Last night, I was telling a buddy of mine about her, and how I wanted to bring her home for Christmas.

He put things into perspective for me. He said "You want to bring her to your home for Christmas. She's already in her home."

I have to admit it, but he's right. I have to stop thinking of this as her home as well. It's my home now, as cruel as that sounds. It hurts to admit that. It hurts to think that this isn't her home any longer. It's mine.

What I've said before stays the same. Her room will not change. I'll leave it exactly as is (except for the dust...I'll change it every now and then). The rest of the house? I'll leave some things as is, change some others.

But it's mine...and this is my time.

You can't always get what you want, but you'll get what you need.

I still need to find out who I am. I still need to just be me. I still need to be.

I hope I find me someday.

If only I had a witty title...

I know it's been awhile since I've posted anything here, and while there are some things I could talk about, right now isn't the best time. Thoughts are jumbled in my mind...things aren't entirely clear and focused, and I still have a lot of thinking to do.

When I can talk about it...make that...when I feel more comfortable talking about it, I will.

I did put up the Christmas tree yesterday. It's a beauty, but it's also somewhat sad. First time I did it entirely on my own. It just felt...strange...that's all.

Still have to put the villages up and the train as well. Gonna do that shortly.

Oh, and I believe I've fried the PCI bus on my main computer's motherboard. I've no sound, none of the add-in USB devices seem to work, and they're now showing up in the control panel. Think I know how I did it too. I zapped the USB hub on my desk with a electrical surge, and I think it traveled down to fry the bus. Wouldn't be the first time I've seen that happen, it's just the first time its happened to me.

Gotta be careful, this time of year. Static electricity can build up in houses, and electronics are incredibly sensitive. I'm usually more careful about that (I know what to do and what the consequences are), but this was just an accident, and shit happens.

Back to my thoughts, I guess...

Argh

My

Back


Itches.




And I don't see the doctor until Friday.

Would someone come over here and gently scratch my back, please?

"Back" in business

For the record, I had a cyst removed from my back today.

It was a big sucker, too. I'd say it was roughly an inch to an inch and a half across and deep.

But no worries. I'm doing just fine. No pain, no problems.

:)

Postscript:

So I also went to get my hair cut this morning. My barber also trimmed my eyebrows, but it looks like he slipped and cut a wee bit too much off the one above the left eye.
I didn't notice that until a wee bit ago.

So I had to try and even it out on the other side.

As you can see...it didn't help. SIGH...

Revelations

It was today when it hit me...the house is really mine now.

I was downstairs in the basement. Just replaced the roll of paper towels I keep down there, and went to throw the empty one away when it hit me.

I turned and looked across the floor, as if I was outside my own body, or looking through the world through new eyes. "This really is my house now", I said aloud.

I just stood there for a moment, letting that reality sink in. I always knew the place would be mine, someday. I just honestly thought it'd be after My Kid's death. Never while she was still alive in a nursing home.

Even though I received the paperwork, confirming the sale weeks ago...it was so...surreal.

I'd bought new placemats for the dining room table today, and new throw rugs for the kitchen. The old, vinyl placemats were getting beyond the point of cleaning, and the rugs? Forget it. There were a lost cause.

Almost dinner time. I'm going to go heat up some leftover pasta that I'd made last night. Quite good, actually. Campanelle pasta with chopped sirloin and sweet sausage. Figured I'd make enough for a couple nights, and I was right.

It really is my home now. That concept is still trying to settle in.

One of many unhappy firsts

It looks like this will be the first Thanksgiving that Mum won't be able to be there.

We've talked about it, and while there's no firm decision yet, all signs are pointing to her not being able to join the family. Between a very long drive both directions, her uncertain mental state, and how she'd handle the whole experience, we're thinking it might be best if we didn't bring her.

The thought of it hurts beyond words.

But as I've always done, I try and do what's best for her, as unpleasant as it might be.

I'm going to suggest we go over and visit as a family sometime that day. Even if we can spend a little time with her, even if she's not aware of what day it is, she will still feel part of the family.

Remember...

I cannot take credit for the following. It appeared years ago...decades ago, actually...in my local newspaper.

My brother cut it out and gave it to me. It's been in my wallet ever since.

It has special meaning to me. I just want to share it with you.

Please continue to work hard. Achieving success is not easy, but nothing worth having is.

Please don't be afraid of failing or making mistakes. I have made them, some in raising you. Few of life's mistakes are permanent. Most are just hard learning experiences. Learn from your mistakes.

Please make the choices that you will confront in life wisely. Life is fragile, not to be feared, but to be respected. Drink from the river of life, but drink slowly and carefully. It is one river that will never dry up, but it can drown those who do not respect its power.

Please wear your success with the same humility with which you wear your failures. You will experience both of these in your life. Let each of them lend to your growth as a person.

Please have the courage to stand up for your convictions, to speak up against injustice, to lend a hand to someone not as fortunate as yourself. To give of oneself is to truly give.

Please give to others in life the same respect and honesty that you desire from them.

Please be happy in your life. Happiness is not a constant state. Welcome her when she comes like a budding plant welcomes a spring shower. Know that some days will be better than others and that the sad times help us to appreciate the glad times.

Above all, please always know that I am here for you when you need me, my counsel is given to you from the depths of my heart and soul. Always well intended. Please know that I love you.

-Author Unknown

Our story thus far...

Okay, so when last we left this soap opera we call "life", I said that the nursing home called me saying My Kid has aspirated.

They gave us a couple options. The first was a feeding tube, which I said "no" to. I consider that a life support device, and that's something The Kid told me, years ago, in no uncertain terms, she did not want. It was out.

Then they said that they recommend her to be a candidate for Hospice care. For those who are unaware, hospice is more for terminally ill candidates to keep them comfortable in their final days. The problem is, medical insurance will only pay for either a nursing home stay or for hospice care, not for both. If we went the hospice route, that would've meant we'd have to fund the nursing home bill, and there's no way we could afford that.

Still, Sunday, we talked to the hospice folks, and even let their nurse check her out. She said that The Kid's lungs sounded clear, sounded good, and she wasn't in any pain or suffering. In essence, she said, she's not a candidate for hospice at this time.

We opted not to take hospice.

Monday, I talked to the speech therapist and she said that since we declined their recommendations, they asked if I would sign a waiver releasing them from any responsibility, and go ahead and feed The Kid. (Remember, this was Monday. She hadn't had any solid food since THURSDAY, existing only on IVs.)

I signed off on it that afternoon. There was a delay in the doctor treating My Kid signing it, so that night was a little rough on her. She still was only on IV.

Tuesday, the doc signed off, and she was given solid food. I should note here that, back on Thursday, the doctor also ordered her anti-depressants "gently lowered", since there was a chance that they were causing her to be lethargic, and that might've caused the problem with her being unable to eat in the first place.

Tuesday, she was given semi-solid food. More like a paste, I'd say, and she ate the whole thing for breakfast. She ate all her lunch.

I spoke to her Tuesday night, and it was amazing. It was the first real conversation we'd had in six months, almost. She was clear, she understood what was going on, she asked what it was like outside, she said she was warm...

She spoke to my brother for almost 25 minutes. They talked about everything, and he didn't have to coax a conversation out of her. He said it was amazing. Everyone who spoke to her said it was amazing as well.

Mind you, for every bit of good, there's always a bit of bad. Seems they might've over-lowered the medication. She's gone a bit more manic today, but she's still eating, she's still moving around. She's also taken to cursing and being bitchy, but she's still moving. ;)

I understand that there's time involved in properly dispensing anti-depressants, that it can take some time to determine the proper level. That's all right. At least she's still alive, unlike three days ago, when they were ready to write her off for dead, almost.

It surely is never a dull moment...

Holding pattern.

The previous blog "Aspirated" has been deleted pending further information.

I might be getting mad pretty soon...