ac·com·plish·ment

The Free Dictionary lists the definition of accomplishment as

1. The act of accomplishing or the state of being accomplished; completion.
2. Something completed successfully; an achievement.
3. An acquired skill or expertise: a singer known for his accomplishment in vocal technique.
4. Social poise and grace.

In my home, I have a small white board with four things I need to accomplish:

1. Sell the house
2. Get out of debt
3. Find a job
4. Marry Julie

Okay, so Julie wrote the last one on there. To me, that was "a given", one that was understood, but she wrote put it there, so there it stays.

Those are the big ones, the major ones that...as long as they're not done...I don't feel whole. There's a hole inside of me, eating at me, annoying me, and frustrates me to no end.

I wish I could write here that I've succeeded in completing at least one of those, but they're still elusive at the moment. Believe me, when I'm able to cross one of those suckers off my list, you'll hear it, no matter what part of the world you're in.

For now, all I can say is I've finished one minor...yet just as important...accomplishment.



Yeah, it's just a picture frame, hanging in my dining room, but this is an important one. Julie bought me this for Christmas last year, and it took awhile for me to decide what pictures I wanted to put in it.

After looking over my photos, I decided this frame is about family, so the photos in it would have to be of my family.

For the longest time, it was only 80% done. There were open slots. It was incomplete, so it wasn't hung on the wall. I wanted to put it up, but I didn't want the empty spaces showing.

The family wasn't complete...until now.

With the birth of Curtis, and the photos taken of him, I was able to complete the frame. I hung it on the wall earlier today, and felt that I've finally been able to accomplish something.

In the year I've been out of work, those feelings have been few and far between.

It's up now, and it looks pretty good, if you ask me. Sorry the photo here doesn't give you too many details, but if you'd like to see it all...you'll have to stop by for a visit.

Call ahead first. Who knows? I might be out doing the other things on my list...

One week later

What a week it's been.

If you haven't read Julie's blog, you haven't noticed the big news.

Curtis Justin Bradly was born last Tuesday at 10:54PM. He weighed in at 7lbs, 6oz, and was 20.5 inches long.

Mother and child are both doing fine.

Some have noted that, for a life to enter this world, one has to leave. It's rather fitting that his great-great-grandmother was buried on the day Jessica got the official news she was pregnant, and what would have been his step-great-grandmother died a week or so before he was born.

Rather funny the way that circle of life works.




He's adorable. He has the most amazing laugh, a cry that makes you smile, and the biggest feet on a baby that you've seen in awhile.

I've been very proud of Jessica, for her strength, the way she's handled herself. She's got a fine boy there...for that, she should be just as proud.

And Julie's been beaming for the past week. She's gonna be a great grandmother.

Endings and beginnings, it seems. One life ends (in more ways that one) and another starts.

Here's to the next chapter in the story.

One more thing...

Julie has been incredibly patient, waiting for me to come back home.

As you read this...I'm back there in the arms of my love.

I am home.

You can't go home again, part VII

It's over.


Mum was laid to rest shortly before Noon today. Despite being a little chilly, it was a beautiful day. Clear skies, slight breeze, sunny. If it were warmer, some would say it was perfect, but I thought it was just fine the way it was.

The day started out with us arriving at the funeral home around 8:30. I don't know if they were expecting more than just family to show, but that's all that were there: Family. Yes, Tim and Connie were there, but to me, they're family.

Of course, we were told to be there by 8:30. Father Frank (the parish pastor and man who's gonna perform the service) didn't have to show up until 9:35, and most of us hadn't had breakfast. Things were relaxed, jokes were made, and we were okay. When the priest came, though...it got quiet.

The service at the funeral home was simple. A few prayers, a few comments, and then folks were invited to pay their last respects. Friends first...Tim, Connie and Danny's girlfriend. Then the grandkids all went up as a group. Finally, it was the brothers turn: Dan and his wife, Tom and his, Steve and his...and finally me.

During everyone's last visits, I was standing off to the side, holding up the wall (as it were). Tears started to flow as it came to the brother's turn, and I didn't hold them back. As Steve went, I walked over to get a tissue. He went to leave, stopped, put his arm around me and asked if I was okay. I nodded...couldn't speak. I went up, Stood there. Smiled. Cried. Said goodbye.



We went to the church. The service there was quite nice. It was simple: My nephew went did most of the reading, and he was quite good. Seems he reads at his church.

What was more impressive was that I was able to walk into my old parish and the place didn't blow up. Guess I'm still in good with the Powers-That-Be. ;)

I was a pallbearer, taking the back-left corner. My brothers and the two oldest grandkids were the others. Thankfully, we didn't drop the casket. Mum might not have liked that too much.



After the mass, we went to the cemetery. Even though it was a little chilly, the last part of the service was outside, near the mausoleum. Yeah, she's got a drawer...surprised me when she bought it 12 years ago, since she swore she'd never be buried in one of them, saying she didn't want to fall out when an earthquake hit...even though earthquakes are few and far between in Western PA.

Father said a few last prayers. We were offered some of the roses that were on display at the funeral home to place on the casket. One last goodbye, a few last details with the funeral home.

We looked around to her drawer. Upper left hand corner, a room with a view. We stood there for a few minutes, talking, and when it was all done...

I led everyone away from the mausoleum.



We went to Dan's for a little party afterwards, spent some time, ate some food, and then it was time to take off. I'll be in the 'burgh for a few more days before headed back to DeKalb, back to my love, to my life. There's still a few more things to do, forms to fill out, details to handle. The hard part is done.

I'm gonna be offline, I think, for a few more days. Time to decompress. Breathe. Live.

Farewell, Mama. You will be missed.

You can't go home again, part VI

10PM, Thursday, March 12th.

This would've been Mum's 84th birthday.



Everyone else has gone to bed. I'm going soon, even though I'll wake up a little after 1 when Julie calls me after getting off of work. I didn't get the chance to call or talk to her before she left to work the 6 to Midnight shift tonight, and I feel bad about that, but it was in the middle of visitation, and there were so many people...

I digress. Let me skip back a little earlier in the day, and we'll take it from there.

Tim's girlfriend Connie got into town late last night. This was the first chance I've had to meet her, and let me say, she is a very cool lady. She and Tim are cute together, almost as cute as Julie and I can be. They fit together so well, like my ladylove and I do, and I am so very happy for my best friend, to know that he's found a love like I've found.

Yesterday was also my "off day", a chance to relax, go for a walk, see some old friends and visit old haunts. Got to do a little retail therapy, and have some of the best General Tso's...ever.

Today was different. Today was the viewing.

Tim and the kids took off, to work and school respectively. Connie, in her rush to leave her place and get here, forgot a few things, so we took off first thing in the morning for Target. I think I rather surprised her with my taste in clothing.

Okay, before Julie, Denise or anyone else say anything, listen to me. I have excellent taste. I can coordinate. I can match colors and I know what looks good and what doesn't...on other people. When it comes to me, shit, I don't care. I go for comfortable and functional, and to hell with style. I've never been a slave to fashion, and I'm sorry if you think my look is "conservative", "outdated" or just plain "wrong". I like what I like.

If you don't, do what Julie did and buy me a new wardrobe. ;)

We did the Target thing. We stopped and got some groceries in the house (including getting me some orange juice. I hadn't had any since Friday, and I was jonesing. I hadn't had the chance to get some until now and it tasted so damn good). We got some breakfast, and still got back here in time to relax for a bit before I had to shower and change for the viewing.

Family had to be at the funeral home by 1. I got there, around the same time as most of my family, although Steve was running a bit late. I blame his son, not him. Once we arrived, we went into the viewing area and saw her.



For years, Mum would go once a week to the hair dresser's to have her hair washed and set. Bright and early Tuesday morning, like clockwork, she was there, and John did a wonderful job. He took care of Mum. After she got to the point when she couldn't see that well to drive, I dropped her off and John brought her back home. He and Mum were good friends, and it was her wish to have John fix Mum's hair when she died.

John did an amazing job. It'd been years since he worked on her, but he recaptured her look so beautifully, so perfectly...

She looked like her old self again. She was just sleeping.



It was hard seeing her at times and not crying. It's been hard typing this without tears welling up.



There were two viewing scheduled: 2 to 4 and 6 to 8. Not too many showed up for the first one. Some friends, acquaintances...it was small. We finished up shortly after 4 and went our separate ways. I came back to Tim's place for a bite to eat.



The evening viewing was much different. Mum always wondered if there'd be a lot of people come to see her, and let me tell you, at the height of the evening, the room was full. It was wonderful to see friends come by, some who never met her (friends of ours who came to pay respects) and some she'd known most of her life. Her best friend since she first came to Pittsburgh, when she was 18, was there, someone I had known when I was a kid but hadn't seen in 15 years...at least.

Old friends from my CMU days showed up. Neighbors. Folks from the other side of the family.

I think she'd have been happy with the turnout.



We're supposed to be back there tomorrow at 8:30 for final viewing, blessing by the priest, closing the casket. Head over to the church, have a mass held for her, and off to the cemetery.
Tomorrow is another day. One more day to go.....

You can't go home again, part V

(Originally printed in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

Mary E. (Schwamberg) Schetley
SCHETLEY MARY E. (SCHWAMBERG)
Age 83, on Monday, March 9, 2009, of Swissvale, wife of the late Albert J. Schetley; loving mother of Daniel (Grace), Thomas (Carol), Steven (Isabelle), and Eric and fiance Julie; grandmother of Thomas, Daniel, Louis, and Dillon; sister of the late Charles Schwamberg and the late Loretta Sova. Friends received Thurs. 2-4 & 6-8 at the THOMAS L. NIED FUNERAL HOME INC., 7441 Washington St., Swissvale. Mass of Christian Burial in St. Anselm Roman Catholic Church on Friday at 10am. Nied Funeral Home is a proud member of the Good Grief Center.

You can't go home again, part IV

Today was all about making arrangements and cleaning out.

My brothers and I met at the funeral home at Noon today to work out the details of Mum's viewing. I'll post the link to the obituary tomorrow, but the bottom line is that the viewing is Thursday and the funeral mass is Friday.

There was no drama. There were no controversies. There was one point where I basically told them "it was going to be this way" when it came to her teddy bear. I'm honoring Mum's wishes, doing what she told me she wanted done years ago.

My brothers didn't necessarily like the outfit I picked out for her (which I really had no problem with...I'm a guy...Julie will tell you about my sense of fashion. I go with what I like and what's comfortable, even though some might disagree (coughsportcoatscough).

A new dress was found at the home, and she'll look lovely.

After the funeral home business was finished, we went to the cemetery to sign the paperwork (and get the sales pitch) to open the crypt, or as Mum used to call it, her filing cabinet.

They'll be ready for us on Friday morning after the mass.

My brothers and I parted ways once the business was completed, and I went out the the funeral home. There were some goodbyes with the staff there, hugs, well wishes...and then I had to go through her things.

Her clothes, we donated to the nursing home. It only seems fair, since the other residents were wearing some of her sweatshirts on many occasions.

She didn't have too much otherwise. A couple quilts my sister-in-law made. Some photos. I've brought everything back here and will go through it tomorrow.

Tomorrow is also contacting her insurance company to start the process of getting the policy cashed in. I might also take a trip back to my old stomping grounds in Oakland, see what (and who) I can see, if there's time.

It's the last "day off" before the funeral begins...

You can't go home again, Part III

I originally wasn't going to blog tonight.

But Mum died shortly before 8PM this evening.




I went out to see her earlier today. She was still in the hospital, resting, curled on her side a little. I think the nurses must've rolled her, so she wouldn't get any bedsores. I didn't say anything to her when I was there...it was just a visit to stop in and check on her before going out to the nursing home, and have a little talk with the folks out there.

The nursing home had moved her room without asking me on Friday, and I wanted to know why. As Dan would say later, it's rather a moot point, but it was something I was curious about. I have my suspicions, but I may never know the full story. Wouldn't be the first time that's happened out there.

I ran a few errands this afternoon. While I was out, a social worker called from the hospital saying they'd made arrangements with the ambulance company to return her to the home around 7. Not a problem, I told them, and I thanked them for the call.

Shortly after 7, I called the nursing home and asked to speak with her nurse. She told me that Mum had just arrived, and she was on oxygen, and she was about to setup the morphine. I told her to call me anytime, day or night, when her condition changed. She said she would.

Had a phone call from my cousin in California shortly thereafter, and we talked for a bit. Talked to Steve for a few minutes before going in to watch Top Gear with Tim and the kids at 8.

We'd just sat down to watch it when the cell phone rang. It was the nursing home. They told me that Mum had stopped breathing, and she was gone.



I told Tim I was taking off. He asked me if I was okay to drive, and I assured him I was. I called Steve first, letting him know, then Dan, then Tom. Called my cousin and a couple of Mum's friends to tell them the news. There weren't too many people Mum was still close friends with in her later years, but those that were close to her, I called. Texted a few friends of mine to let them know. Julie was still at work...tried to text Jess, but she didn't have her number.

Arrived at the nursing home shortly after 9, and met with one of the nursing associates, a lovely and extremely caring woman named "Dimples". She loved Mum, always referred to her as "mother", and said the two of them were going to go to Vegas and have a hell of a good time.

I gave her a bit of a hug and talked to her for a minute. She went in first to make sure Mum was...hm...I'm not sure what to say here, so I'll just leave it at "you know". If you don't, well...

She told me it was okay to go in.

I said my last goodbyes then and there. What I said, what I did, was personal, between me and Mum.

Called the funeral home and talked to them for a bit. Before Mum went into the nursing home, I'd met with a funeral director and made plans for her then and there. They still had those records, albeit partial, since some details couldn't be finalized, but it's a good start. Tomorrow...sorry...later this morning, my brothers and I have a meeting with the funeral home to make the final arrangements.

I'm the executor of her estate. My brothers are there for input and advice, but the final word is mine.

Her funeral will be later this week, sometime. I'm not sure when just yet.

To my friends, who have supported me over the years, I wanted to say "thank you", for everything you've done for me. It is appreciated more than you know.

To the love of my life, Julie...thank you. Your love is helping me more than you know, and even though you're not here in person right now, I feel you with me, holding me up. I will be back to you soon, beloved.

All that I can say now is...goodbye, Mama. You've earned your rest. It's our turn now.
Don't be sad for me, for us. You've got the easy part. You let us do the worrying now.

I said this before, and I will say it one last time: I love you. I always have, and I always will.

You can't go home again, part II

This was written at different times Sunday.

My first full day back in Pittsburgh started with three different events:

* Six in the morning, two alarms started going off in the bedrooms upstairs. I think Tim and the kids just didn't bother to turn them off, which is fine, but they were loud enough to wake me downstairs. I stumbled upstairs, found the offending machines, and turned them off.

* About a hour and a half later, Julie texted me to see if I was up. We talked for a bit, which was nice. Seems she didn't sleep too well in a house all by herself. Don't tell anyone this, but I think she missed me. She had to leave for work, so I decided to get up.

* Came in and sat down in the dining room. Outside, I'd heard the distinctive chirp of a blue jay outside...something I hadn't heard for some time. That brought a smile...if you've never heard the blue jay's chirp, it's a shame. I used to love to wake up hearing it sing. It was nice.

I called the hospital and spoke to the nurse taking care of Mum. She told me the diarrhetic they'd given her last night drained about 1,000 milliliters of fluid from her, that she was on a very sloe morphine drip and was resting comfortably. I figured I'd get up, start my day, run a few errands and then go see her.



It's so very strange being back here. Driving roads I've driven for years seem familiar yet strange at the same time. I lived here all my life, but it's not my home anymore. I feel like a stranger in a foreign land, yet at home.

I took my laptop out with me, Stopped at Wally-Mart for a few things, and then hit King's for a late breakfast. They have free Wi-Fi. Gotta love that.



It's now about 6:30. I left the hospital about an hour or so ago, and am decompressing in a local Panera Bread, sipping an iced green tea and reflecting about what's going on.

I had the chance to talk to Mum's doctor today. A really nice guy, he took care of her since she went into the nursing home. I didn't always see eye-to-eye with him, but he is a good man, and he's done his best.

We talked a bit. He recapped everything that's happened since Thursday night/Friday morning. Right now, Mum's got pneumonia in both lungs and a number of infections. He called in several specialists; lung, heart, kidney and infection.

He asked how aggressively we wanted to pursue her treatments. After talking to my brothers the last few days, I felt comfortable saying that we're just gonna let nature take its course.

The doctor concurred, even though it's not the easiest decision to reach. To treat her infections (one of which is MRSA), she'd require four different antibiotics. Given her history of allergic reactions to antibiotics, it didn't seem wise to go with that treatment. They've stopped all antibiotic treatments, they're not giving her any nutriments via peg tube, and they've got her on an morphine IV.

He thinks she might have a few days left.

I called my brothers and told them. For the most part, they've accepted the news, although I think one of them is not taking it very well. I'm not surprised by that. I knew he'd have a hard time with it. The nice thing is, they asked where I'd be staying, and I told them with Tim. Dan offered to put me up at his place, but I'll stay where I am. It's closer to the funeral home...

I talked to Julie, and she asked if I was all right with it. Honestly, I am. It doesn't mean that when she does die, it's not gonna be easy, but it will be a relief off my shoulders.

I'm doing what is best for her. Her quality of life right now is horrendous, and this is the best thing we can do for her.

I'll be in Pittsburgh until the end of the week. If she goes before then, I'll stay for the funeral, if not, I'll just come back when she does pass.

Gonna post this now, finish my tea and head back to Tim's place. He got back in town a little bit ago, and I wanted to give him a chance to rest before coming home.

You can't go home again, part I

It's almost Midnight as I start to type this. I'm at Tim's place (after setting off his home security alarm) and I'm almost ready to call it a night.

It's been a long day.

Left DeKalb around 9 this morning and drove through some very nasty thunderstorms. The rain was coming down so hard and heavy that, at times, I could only see at best 100 feet in front of me.

Of course, that didn't stop most idiots from going at least 15 over the limit.

Julie was very sad to see me go. I didn't want to leave, and being away from her...hurts, but I've gotta do what I have to do.

After about a nine and a half hour drive (I had to go slow because of weather at first, and then minding my speed during some speed traps), I arrived at the hospital just as they were calling me.

Mum was having more trouble breathing...her lungs were full, and she was gurguling. They wanted to let me know they were going to suction her lungs and start her on a morphine drip.

It was kinda funny, in a way. The nurse left a message on my cell because I was talking to someone else, but when I heard the voicemail, I was already in the hospital, so I walked up to the nurses station. She was on the phone with my brother trying to reach me, when I looked at her and said "I'm Eric".

Guess you had to be there.

I saw Mum. I won't go into too many details, but she was having trouble breathing, she didn't respond to anything I was saying, and she looked...tired.

Right now, they're just keeping her comfortable, and they'll call me if anything changes, no matter the time of day.


I'm going to go crash on Tim's couch now. Had a Primanti Bros' sammich...that was so good...but now I'm gonna see if I can get any sleep.

One last time

It was 2 in the morning when the phone rang.

I thought it was Julie calling me, saying that Jessica had gone into labor. When I saw it was the nursing home on the Caller ID...I knew it was bad.

The nurse told me that Mum was aspirating again. They had to drain a lot of liquid from her lungs, and they wanted to know whether to just give her morphine to make her comfortable, or to send her to the emergency room. They'd already called her doctor, and he said either was okay. It was my call.

I said send her to the emergency room.

She was going to Jeannette hospital, about 20 minutes away. I called back a few minutes later, and they told me they were sending her to Westmoreland County hospital, which was closer...because the paramedics said she'd stopped breathing.

I called the hospital and spoke to the nurse on duty, explaining who I was and what was going on. Told him the history, and he said the paramedics were bringing her in and he'd call me back.

Her condition was "grave".

A little later, I called back. Talked to the same nurse who explained that she had pneumonia in the lower right lung, a fever of 102, her blood sugar was over 500 and she'd aspirated again. Her breathing was shallow. Her pulse, blood pressure and oxygen were low.

It wasn't looking good.

I waited until it was about 6 in the morning, Pittsburgh time, before calling my brothers with the news. I'd been awake for about 3 hours by that point.

After getting them caught up on what happened. I walked over and saw Julie. Told her about it. Held her for the longest time.

This afternoon, the nurse on duty called me. They told me she was having a hard time breathing. There was no gag reflex. They'd rub her chest and call her name out loudly, and all she'd do is open her eyes for a second and then close them again.

The nurse told me that if we wanted to see her one more time, we should come out tonight...maybe tomorrow.

Once again, I called my brothers. Told them the news.

Tomorrow morning, Julie has to go to work at 9 AM. I'm going to follow her over to the store, and then take off for Pittsburgh.

I don't want to leave, especially not now. I so wanted to be here for Jessica when she gave birth to Curtis. I apologized to her, and while I think she understands, I think I saw a bit of hurt in her eyes. She did say she regretted not seeing her grandmother one last time, and had told me I should take advantage of one last visit.

She's a smart one, that girl. She's going to make a wonderful mother.

Worst of all is I don't want to leave Julie. Tears are welling up in my eyes at the thought of that. I told her I understood that she couldn't come, because she has to work and she has to be here for Jessica when the baby comes.

Maybe I'll get lucky and Curtis will wait and make his grand entrance into this world when I get back.

My suitcase is packed. My suits are ready. Either this is the final goodbye or I'll be making funeral arrangements. Tim is gracious enough to let me crash at his place. My brothers didn't offer and I didn't ask.

Right now I'm going downstairs and climb in bed with Julie. I know I'll be back to her soon. I'll be gone a week...maybe more, maybe less. I don't know. Small words that do little to help right now.

I don't know when I'll blog again. I'll try and update when I know more, but for now...

Update

I called the nursing home today. The Kid is doing a bit better.

They think it was one of her medicines that was making her lethargic, and either acid reflux or the stuff from the tube feeding was backing up into her lungs.

They discontinued the medication and haven't had to flush her lungs out since Sunday morning. She was responsive and a little better.

Sigh...

The wake up call

Friday night was game night over here at my place. Julie, most of the kids, and some good friends were over for a couple games. Things like spoons, Taboo, Pit...stuff like that. We had a great time, but we didn't end up going to bed until about 2 in the morning.

About 8:30, barely six and a half hours and nowhere near enough sleep, my phone started to ring. Julie said it was likely Kathy (her best friend) calling to see if we were up. I didn't get to it in time, barely able to move and trying to start my day.

When I did get to the phone, it was the nursing home.

They called to tell me that Mum was getting worse.

They also thought that earlier in the morning, they thought "she was a goner".

Seems that there's been more and more fluid building up in her lungs. The pneumonia she had must not have gone away. Julie, at first, thought there might've been a problem with how they're feeding her with the peg tube, but they're doing it the correct way. Unless the food is working its way back up her esophagus and down into her lungs (the little flap that keeps food from not going into the lungs doesn't work nearly as well as it should)...well, we're not sure.

They've had to clear her lungs several times in the past 24 hours. They didn't feed her yesterday, and so far the doc hasn't said to send her to the hospital.

I'm thinking I may have to make a road trip very, very soon...