It's never goodbye

It's about a quarter after 8 on Monday night.
I'm on battery power (Hailey's using my charger), so I don't know if I'll finish this tonight. There's so many words swirling around in my head and my heart that I don't know where to begin.

I've spent the last two and a half weeks with Julie. It has been...amazing. If I didn't have to go back to Pittsburgh for the job interview Wednesday morning, I doubt I'd be leaving tomorrow morning.

Today was a quiet kinda day. After Julie got off work, we spent some quiet time together: An early dinner at Applebee's and a movie (Pineapple Express). I admit, I didn't think I'd enjoy that movie, but I laughed my ass off. It was so wrong that it was funny.

Hailey's birthday is this Friday. (Have fun down at the race track, my dear!) I wanted to get her some little thing, nothing too big, but something I'd hope she'd like. We stopped at Barnes and Noble, and I got her a sketchbook, some pens and some stickers to make it her own. She liked it when I gave it to her a bit ago...she was genuinely touched. I'm glad.

For those of you who might wonder, yes, I will be fine tomorrow. I'll be driving in my car, singing to whatever I may find on the XM, and trying not to think about going back to Pittsburgh. I'll be thinking more about Julie. When she goes on break at 10:30 AM, I won't be able to bring her a Sweet Tea from McDonald's. I won't be here at home, waiting for her when she gets off work, greeting her with a hug and a kiss and a "how was your day". I won't be able to lay next to her at night when we go to bed.

For a little while, I'll be back in Pittsburgh. I've some things I've got to do, some very important decisions I have to make.

Julie wants me to stay. I want to stay. Responsibilities, for the moment, tell me I have to leave.

To Julie I say this, for the world to hear. I love you. You have my heart. There will come a day, beloved, that I will not have to leave you for weeks on end, with only the phone and IMs between us. There will come a day when you can roll over first thing in the morning (and I promise you, it won't be at 2:30 in the morning) before we get up for work and you can say "hi" to me, sleepy-eyed, and give me that first kiss of the day. There will come a day when we will be together.

It won't be tomorrow, I know, but it will happen. Of this, you have my word.

It's never goodbye between us. I told her that the first time I came out here.
It's just "I'll see you soon".

I'll see you soon.
I love you.