"I will be the answer, at the end of the line..."

Another Friday evening, relaxing at home.

It kinda caught me by surprise that this is Monday is Memorial Day. I didn't realize it. Amazing how not working can throw off your schedule.

If I was at work, I'd be looking forward to Memorial Day, simply because it'd be the first holiday off I'd have from work since New Year's Day. Since I've been away from the place for...sheesh...over two months now...

Wow. Over two months.

Gonna try and get my buddy over here to put the front porch awnings up this weekend. I still have to scrape and paint the porch. Haven't done it yet...you'd think with all the time I have on my hands, I'd have it done lickety-split.

Not the case. Honestly, this week, I've found it very difficult to do much of anything. No motivation. Didn't want to do shit. No desire to leave the house.

That last part scared me. Literally scared me. Finally forced me to act and get off my lazy and slightly oversized but still adorable butt.

See, something similar happened to My Kid 12 years ago. She got fired, and she came into this house, closed the door behind her and lost herself from the world.

Being scared of ending up like that motivated me. Talking to a dear friend helped. Having the woman I love verbally kick my ass helped too.

Julie.

Finding her...is the one bright, shining point in the darkness that has been the last two months. I love her so. God, how I love her.

She'll give me Hell, but she is so beautiful. She can't see it in herself, but...she is beautiful. Her friends know it. Her kids know it. I know it. I hope and pray I can show her how beautiful she is, and maybe she'll believe it.

I drive her crazy, I know. Stupid little things I do, just in being myself, things that those of you who know me, know what I do...they drive her crazy.

I'd do almost anything for her. I've driven 1,000 miles, round trip, twice, to be with her, and if she said she needed me, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I've watched her sleep...she hates it when I "stare" at her, but I can't take my eyes off of her, sometimes. She's got this beauty, this glow...

I'm a fool in love. There are no other words to describe it.

Just sitting here listening to Sarah McLachlan in concert. There's a song (and with me, there's always a song, as we all know) that I've found describes how I feel for her better than any word I can ever speak.

The song is called "Answer", and I dedicate this now to the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. The woman I want to be with. My true love, my soulmate.


Julie, this is for you.

Sarah McLachlan - Answer